He was rejected by the National School of Drama (NSD) not once but four times, and years later, he is considered a powerhouse of talent. But Manoj Bajpayee would rather stay grounded and be grateful for the “highs“ he has seen in his career. The “lows“ have been a lot more, he admits, but even those contributed to his growth as a person. As he gears up for his next release, Naam Shabana, the actor speaks to BT about the choices he has made in life and what makes them all so unique. Excerpts:

What prompted you to do Naam Shabana? Was it because of filmmaker Neeraj Pandey?
Yes, it was Neeraj all the way. He is a friend and someone who I really admire. He takes my opinion on every film he does, which is really nice of him. In this case, I chose the role and he reworked it. I play an intelligence chief, who's Shabana's mentor. He shows no emotion and for him, his country comes before everything else.

What about your other film maker friend Ram Gopal Varma, who is directing you in Sarkar 3?
To be directed by him is quite an honour. This is the fourth film he is directing me in. Ramu is an amazing mind. People may have many things to say about him and the misfires he has had in his career. But the fact is that Ramu will never walk on a track that's smooth; he likes to walk on the edge and I like that about him.

What do you have to say about Ramu's penchant for courting controversy?
He has his opinions and I don't necessarily agree with everything. But during the shoot, I do what he wants me to do as an actor. That's what matters.

You too are opinionated and believe in speaking your mind. Has that posed a problem in an industry where diplomacy rules?
I don't think diplomacy really helps. If you don't deliver, nothing's going to help you. At the most, you will get a couple of small roles from some big production houses. You are expected to be professional and deliver. I think it's only for these reasons that I have survived with so many downs and very few ups in my career.

How do you cope with the lows?
I don't cope with the lows, I know how to live with them. I look at the offers and try and choose the best. If the offers are not exciting enough, I choose to go back to my village or Delhi. It's about filling the vacuum productively. People tend to get affected and they let the lows decide whether they are capable or not. That becomes the reason for their frustration and depression. In my case, if the offers are few and I have plenty of time, I'd rather go back to my hometown, reconnect with people and fill my empty pockets with loads of experiences.

Have you actually done it?
I have always done it; I just don't announce it to the world. If you let failure determine your course of action, you are living in a fool's paradise. It will only suck you in further and you are too good for that. Yes, at such times, the one worry is how to keep the kitchen fires burning, but that too, gets managed somehow by doing one big role. Also, I have never increased my needs and that has helped me.

You played hero in a few films and thereafter came a lull. Was that the biggest low you experienced in your career?
In those days, I did three to four hero-type films, but actually, they were all character-oriented roles. We had to put songs in those films, so that they could be sold. And I still don't feel good about it. Satya was originally made without songs, but they were added later. In Shool too, a song was included because that was the market requirement. Interestingly, those are considered some of my best films. So, the way I see it, I have played good roles, the rest were market diktats. Honestly, I am amazed that I have survived so long in the industry.

After films like Budhia Singh - Born To Run and Aligarh, for which you were appreciated, aren't you in a happier space?
It's a good space because somewhere, people have come to terms with the fact that he has not gone anywhere, he is still there (laughs). It is a comfortable space where people are letting me be; somewhere, they have given up being judgemental about me.

Coming back to Naam Shabana, you recently said that you have too many lines in the film...
If you put together everybody's dialogues and take a look, the number of lines I have are far more. I had to deliver them in a rather unemotional manner. That was tough, but we managed. My character has shaped up really well.

There's another Shabana in your life, your wife. How has she changed you?
Her contribution is far more than anybody else's. She has tweaked my personality completely. Our values were always the same and that's why we got married, but she has convinced me to do things that I was shy of doing. For example, she convinced me to compliment women who I always appreciated. I was open-minded but earlier that didn't come across because I didn't voice it. Now I do. Shabana was always into mainstream cinema, but now, she analyses parallel films very well, too. I really value her opinion. While she appreciates my films, she has also made me realise that working at home is no less than acting in front of the camera. She demands that I help her when ever I'm at home. That levels me. She makes me feel real.

She is an actress too, having done films like Kareeb and Fiza. Does she miss being in front of the camera?
Yes. She recently did a commercial and has been getting acting offers, too. She may take up something that she likes, but she is clear that it shouldn't be too time consuming because she wants to be with our daughter, Ara.

You were rejected by NSD many years ago. Now with all the laurels, do you feel vindicated?
I have so much respect for NSD that the term 'vindicated' doesn't even come to my mind. I feel very humbled when they call me for a session. The institute and I have mutual respect and it has grown over the years. They take great pride in my work and I take pride in visiting their campus. Even this year, I have given them four five days, where I will share my experiences with the students.

Do you wish to join politics at some point in your life?
I am a keen observer and I do have an opinion, but politics is a full-time job. I will not take it up, as I love my current job too much.