Dilip Kumar never raised his voice, but his silence was unbearable-Saira Banu
8:18 AM
Posted by Fenil Seta
On their 57th wedding anniversary, Saira Banu takes us through the pages of her love story with legendary actor Dilip Kumar
Renuka Vyavahare (BOMBAY TIMES; October 11, 2023)
It's a classic real-life story of an eternal romance. Saira Banu and Dilip Kumar tied the knot on October 11, 1966, and 57 years later, she is as much in love with him as she was when they started out as a couple. India’s most eligible bachelor at the time, he initially maintained a respectful distance on and off the screen given their massive (20-year) age difference before eventually falling for her enchanting beauty, innocence, and devotion for him. Unlike today’s high-profile destination weddings, the legend of Indian cinema, Dilip Kumar, married a young Saira Banu in a homely ceremony in Mumbai. “So many gatecrashed our wedding that we ran out of food,” chuckles the actress. On her wedding anniversary, she looks back at her real-life fairytale. Excerpts…
Your life has been no less than a fairytale. Dilip Kumar was the heartthrob of our nation when you married him. What did that feel like?
I wanted two things in life. I wanted to marry the man of my dreams and I wanted to be a film star like my mother Naseem Banu. Both my dreams were fulfilled. I couldn’t have asked for more. My mother wanted me to study further and become a lawyer, as she couldn’t do that. She never wanted me to be an actor, but I wanted to be like her. As far as Dilip sahib is concerned, I was obsessed with him as a teenager ever since I saw his film ‘Aan’ (1952) in London. I studied there at the time. I fancied men like James Dean, Rock Hudson and Elvis Presley. I had their photos on my wall. Calling Dilip sahib a crush would be wrong. I was head over heels in love with him. I was smitten to the point that I envied Vyjayanthimala because one of the promotional stills of Madhumati (1958) had Dilip sahib almost kissing her forehead. That pose was way too intimate and bold for those times. I remember taking a pair of scissors and cutting her out from that photo (laughs). I became a fan of hers later. I call her akka (elder sister) and she calls me an angel. We got closer over the years. She was pleasantly amused when I recounted this incident to her.
How did this teen idol worship translate into a romantic relationship?
Our families knew each other and had common interests like music. His younger sister was close to my mother so we would often have these get-togethers. I returned from London and met him for the first time at a dinner party hosted by the legendary filmmaker Mehboob Khan (known for ‘Mother India’) and his wife, who I fondly called Akhtar aunty. He was dressed in a plain white shirt and trousers. He was so simple and humble despite the fame. There was this luminous aura around him. A girl like me, who was shy and introverted, would retire to my room as soon as someone knocked on our door, something changed. As soon as I saw him, I went up to him and blurted, “Aap mere saath kaam kijiye.” He had seen me as a little girl, so showing me his grey strands, he replied with a smile, “Kya tumne mere grey baal dekhe hai?” I told him they make him look distinguished. At the dinner table he added, “I eat like a pig.” He refused to work with me even after Junglee (1961) became a hit, as he was conscious of the age gap. The part played by Mumtaz in Ram Aur Shyam (1967) was initially offered to me, but he said she is too young to work with me. I kept saying, “I am big enough to work with you.” That’s when he realized I was serious about him.
When did he propose marriage?
The day was August 23, 1966, and it changed my life. My mother had invited him for my birthday at our new Pali Hill residence. He was shooting in Chennai for Ram Aur Shyam and flew all the way back just for my birthday. ‘You have grown into a beautiful girl,’ he said that evening. I was dying to hear those words for years! The man was finally attracted to me. For the next few days, he travelled from Madras to Bombay every other night and had dinner with me. At the end of 10-11 days, he said, ‘I am constantly flying in and out. Will you consider one thing? Will you marry me?’ Thrilled but a bit surprised, I asked, ‘How many girls have you said this to!’ He was the most eligible bachelor of that time, and I had barely acted in films for four years. When he approached my grandmother and asked for my hand, I knew he was serious. The media and public were equally puzzled, I guess.
Unlike today’s high-profile Bollywood weddings, yours was a simple ceremony at home. In hindsight, did you want it to be an elaborate affair?
Not at all. It’s a real-life Cinderella story. It felt like sharing a throne. I got Dilip Kumar! I would have married him in rags if need be. Uss Zamane mein tailor hua karte the. My bridal outfit was simply stitched. No fancy jewellery either as we planned the wedding in 3 days. Security was not so high as it is today so there were gatecrashers. We ran out of food on our wedding day, so people had to go fetch more.
What made him so special beyond the great actor that he was?
Ours was a great love story. We would exchange notes through the air hostesses when he would be obliged to go sit with someone else for some time. I wrote to him that I missed him and wanted him back beside me. If he was away for a week, I would leave 7 notes under his folded shirts in the bag so he could wake up to that each day. He was a gracious man who never spoke ill of anyone including the ones who wronged him. He wasn’t judgmental and always spoke the truth. He encouraged me to see the good in people. The age gap didn’t matter because I learnt so much from him. We loved sports… Tennis, Golf, football. He was extremely fit.
He was linked to some beautiful women including Madhubala. How did you deal with that aspect of his life that tends to follow immense stardom?
I never gave credence to these girlfriend theories. I was the wife. He never spoke about his past girlfriends. I never asked either. Unki merese shaadi ho gayi. Mujhe duniya mil gayi. I didn’t care about the linkup stories as the media can be irresponsible. I was also linked to a dashing cricketer, who was the Indian captain. I won’t take names, but I had never seen the guy in my life. The first time we saw him was at Wimbledon.
A marriage as eternal as yours is rare and precious in today’s world of hookup culture and dating apps. What would you tell those who are sceptical about believing in ‘happily ever after’?
I hope your generation gets to see what he was like as a person. I made my Instagram debut for this purpose. Koi bhi shaadi ya relationship mein, ‘Sabar aur adab’ (patience and respect) ki bohot zaroorat hai. If sahib and I had an argument, it wouldn’t last for more than ten minutes. You must communicate. He was the one who never raised his voice but his silence was unbearable. I, with my own choice, would be the first to apologize. He wasn’t the man who had ego or would throw his weight around. To me, marriage is a perfect union based on love, faith and immense unspoken understanding. If you make a mistake, you should have no shame in saying sorry.
This entry was posted on October 4, 2009 at 12:14 pm, and is filed under
Dilip Kumar,
Interviews,
Madhumali,
Madhumati,
Naseem Banu,
Ram Aur Shyam,
Saira Banu,
Saira Banu interview,
Vyjayanthimala
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