The Coronavirus lockdown began with panic, moved into acceptance, and has now settled into a state of peaceful gratitude for Vidya Balan. Oh, and along the way, she discovered that she can enter the kitchen and, for once, not hate the thought!
Anshul Chaturvedi (BOMBAY TIMES; April 21, 2020)

If you were the sort of person who was keeping a diary, what sort of notes would you have made during this period?
That’s a very interesting question. I actually used to maintain a diary until a few years ago. But at this point, if I had to maintain a diary, I’d have probably started with a gratitude journal.

Life is more mundane and routine than it has ever been, because I wake up in the morning, do my walk and then water the plants and then whatever housework there is. I do jhaadu-pocha sometimes, every alternate day. Up to lunch it’s just doing housework. And then postlunch, I’ve just been taking a nap every day (laughs). And in the evening, we watch something, or I read a little bit. That’s it. So it would have read like clockwork more than ever, because the variables are so few at this point.

Well, even in prison, each day ends identically, but people can change from within. How are you feeling about being locked in?
I think there’s a certain ease… I’ve settled into it, you know. There was initial panic, “Oh my god, how am I gonna survive without getting out of home?”, “What am I gonna do with my time?” But amazingly, I feel like the lockdown was announced yesterday. So, it’s not been a drag for me at all. And it may sound ironic, but I’d say this is an experience that is very unique, and for lack of a better word, I have even enjoyed it. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful to anyone who’s going through a tough time, but I am the type of person who doesn’t fight the situation.

I know lots of people who are doing Zoom calls or calls on Teams, all day. It’s probably more exhausting than it normally is. I, of course, don’t have any of those pressures.

For me, there is a certain feeling of being settled. And maybe because I also know that okay, now it’s the 3rd of May. If you didn’t know how long this would last, then probably, it would get frustrating. But I think otherwise, there is a certain peace and most importantly, I am feeling gratitude. Like enormous amounts of it all the time.

You’ve been talking about gratitude recurrently. What, specifically, for?
I think, generally around the time I became an actor, I stopped asking for anything. I started saying thank you and I find that the most powerful prayer. Also, over the years, I have started using affirmations, saying thank you in advance even for things that haven’t happened. I think now more than ever, all that I have read, all that I have understood and all that I haven’t understood is now coming together at this point. I am feeling so much gratitude for my life. Of course, I am very grateful for the success and the fame and all that it brings with it, but I think more important things, like good health, a loving family, home, the safety of everyone, these things have begun to matter more.

Maybe because I don’t really know – and I am so grateful for that – I don’t know anyone who has really had it (the infection), and maybe, therefore, I am able to say all this.

What are you doing differently at home, that you’ve not done earlier?
You know, I would have never gotten into the kitchen. Never ever. I actually see cooking as… (pauses) as a girl, I never wanted to cook because I thought it was a symbol of domestication, so I fought it all my life, I detested going to the kitchen. Now, suddenly, in these few weeks, it’s changed. Neither Siddharth nor I cook. We have someone at home who cooks, so we were sorted. But suddenly now, because there’s no pressure to cook, I stepped into the kitchen and I made something! I’m not saying that I want to do this for the rest of my life, but it just made me realize that it’s not that bad, as long as there’s a choice.

What did you cook?
I made gud poha, which is the easiest thing that a mother makes for kids sometimes. It’s really simple and quick. Before that I made paranthas, aloo paranthas. Very simple things. It’s not Einstein’s physics. Most recently, I made modaks!

If a couple of years back, somebody had said to you that you would be locked up at home for some 25-odd days and at the end of it you’d have this massive absence of restlessness, I don’t think you’d have agreed to it.
No, not at all. Not at all. Also, the restlessness is… again… I used to get irritated with the use of the term ‘settled’. Not just people asking me. You know people also ask others “Arrey, are you settled now?” and I used to think that was just an odd thing to say, you know. “Are you settled?” But actually, settling is a beautiful feeling.

In the Indian vocabulary, the word ‘settled’ tends to have a very stock connotation, more social than personal…
Which is why it used to irritate me. But today, for me, settled means it’s like I am feeling settled in life and I don’t feel that because of my marital status. I am just at peace with myself… that feeling is precious. If you’d told me I’d have to be sitting at home for 25 days, I’d have said what rubbish, I can’t do that! There was a lot of restless energy, there was lots to… I mean forget the world, I felt like I needed to prove a lot to myself.

I don’t feel like that anymore. Again, it just comes back to gratitude. And it’s those beautiful lines you know ‘na samay se pehle na samay ke baad’. There’s no point in running, and I hope that’s the realisation that the world is having right now. It makes you realize that aap still rehke bhi bahut kuch haasil kar sakte ho. If this is becoming too philosophical, I am sorry (laughs)!