After flagging off the #NoConditionsApply campaign, initiated by The Times of India, Vidya Balan engaged in a live chat with LGBTQ activist Laxmi Narayan Tripathi, where they discussed issues about gender discrimination, our patriarchal society and addressed the need to encourage the inclusivity of women in all festivities of our country irrespective of their marital status.Vidya, who plays a homemaker in her upcoming film Tumhari Sulu, also added the need for a woman to be able to celebrate herself, instead of just being relegated to the various roles in her life - of mother, sister and daughter.

Laxmi Narayan Tripathi: What are your thoughts on the #NoConditionsApply campaign video, which showcases single, divorced and widowed women and people from the transgender community participating in the custom of Shindoor Khela?
Vidya Balan: The video is about including everyone and breaking barriers that separate us from one another. We discriminate between men and women, but even within women, there are so many layers of discrimination. I have a lot of transgender acquaintances and friends and people I would meet in my earlier days while travelling from Chembur to VT. They opened up my mind to so many realities of life. It is unfortunate that you see them begging at signals because they don't get jobs. They have told me how their families don't accept them and all that I could think of was we are all the same flesh and blood. So, why should they be discriminated?

In the selfie in the video where everyone is posing together after participating in Shindoor Khela, it is difficult to say who is a married woman, who is a divorced woman, who is a widow and who is a transgender. Discrimination against women is a universal phenomenon and inclusivity of women has to begin at home. In order to belong to one group, knowingly or unknowingly, we begin to isolate others. We have to be the change that we want to see around us.

Laxmi: The women's movement is one of the oldest movements in the world. Yet, even today we try to define women as good and bad, dirty and pious or as sati-savitri and kulta. What are your thoughts on the customs that tend to discriminate between married, single and divorced women?
Vidya: This year for Navratri, I invited 50 women to my house. It's a time when you celebrate femininity and the woman in you. They were supposed to come home for the haldi-kumkum custom. One of my aunts, who is a widow, asked me, 'Do I need to come, mera kya kaam hai wahan?' I asked her what she meant by that; I insisted that she come because I was celebrating the woman in her and not her marital status. I don't care whether a woman is single, widowed or divorced. I didn't tell her that I didn't care what her sexual preference was because she would have fainted (laughs)! We just find ways to subjugate, separate and divide women. That's not all, the suffix attached while addressing men and women is also discriminatory. From the suffix 'Mr', one cannot say if the man is married or not. But 'Mrs' denotes that she is a married woman. I always tell people, 'Please don't refer to me as Mrs Vidya Balan'. It doesn't mean that I love my husband any less, but I have an identity. Firstly, humko mangalsutra pehnate hain, (I have nothing against wearing a mangalsutra, it's one's individual preference) mardon ko kyun nahi pehnate? You can always tell if a woman is married or not, but you can never say that about a man.


Laxmi: Even women fall prey to the patriarchal thought process, isn't it? And a woman turns out to be the biggest enemy of her own gender...
Vidya: Mera khoon khaulta hai jab log yeh bolte hain, par yeh sahi bhi hai. We don't know any better because the men we derive our identities from, have managed to control us by dividing us.

Laxmi: You have portrayed strong female characters in all your films and I love the way you have portrayed femininity on the silver screen. In your upcoming film, Tumhari Sulu, you play a homemaker, who turns RJ by night. That's another strong female character portrayed by you...
Vidya: Women manage to don many avatars in one day. The role was interesting because one tends to think that a woman who does a late-night show will probably be dressed a certain way, because she is being sultry, sexy and seductive. But what you won't imagine is that the woman behind the microphone is somebody who is clad in a simple synthetic sari and is so-called 'gharelu', because we have pre-conceived notions about everything. Director Suresh Triveni has managed to capture the simple moments of life effortlessly in the film. In fact, another thing that happens is that, we tend to look down upon homemakers. In the film, Sulu is happy being a homemaker, as it's a choice that she has made, but she is enthusiastic to try everything. She is the kind of person who will participate in a radio contest or will go shake a leg in a dance show and it doesn't matter whether she knows how to dance or not. She believes, 'main kar sakti hai' and she lives life every moment.


Laxmi: In the trailer, we see that your husband and you have an altercation over you working...
Vidya: I think men are used to being the centre of attention in a woman's life. Therefore, when the mother steps out to work, I have seen that the male child reacts very differently from the female child. When the wife steps out to work, the husband feels very differently. When a daughter steps out to work, the father feels very differently from what he would feel when a son steps out to work. So, Ashok's (Sulu's husband) reaction in the trailer is the way men react. He feels, 'I should be the only person in Sulu's life. For so many years, I was the only one and now, something else is vying for your attention.' A part of my character Sulu is a wife and a daughter, but there is also a part that is just Sulu. And, that's what we forget about.

Laxmi: Women generally manage their work life and home simultaneously. But men are not expected to do both. So, as far as women are concerned, it's a thankless job, isn't it?
Vidya: People tell me, 'This one is a working woman and that one is a homemaker'. But, I am quick to point out that the working woman is also a homemaker. I am in a privileged position because I have people taking care of my house. I don't know how to cook and if I had to depend on myself, I would be starving. But most women don't have the option of saying that they don't want to go back home and cook. I think things are slowly changing. I see a lot of my friends supporting their wives by sharing some load of the housework. But, I would like to ask you, where did you find the strength to love yourself and celebrate yourself, the way you do even when you have all the odds stacked against you?

Laxmi: The day I said 'No' to my abuser, that day changed everything for me. As women, when we have the guts to say 'No', the world will change for us. I said enough is enough and I started loving myself. Now, I live every moment. I always tell people who feel the woman within him or her, or whatever way in which society categorizes gender, that first love the woman in you. After all, prakriti is nari.

The Shindoor Khela video has hit almost 2 million views within two days of its launch. To watch the video, log on to https:http:www.facebook.com/bombaytimes and https:twitter.com/bombaytimes