I always had goals, whether financial or career-oriented. I got my first job when I was 17. I went off to England when I was 18 and never stayed at home after that. I worked in a bank. I worked in the development sector. I studied extensively. I joined films because I enjoyed acting and then got married. I had not given much thought to having children. But it got to a point where it was like if you want to have children, then now is the time. I thought this was an experience that I would not want to miss out on. And I am glad because once you have a child, then you can’t imagine life without one. I also chose to have a child later in life because I feel the first couple of years of parenting are new, uncharted territory, and I wanted to focus on that. If I was multitasking, I may not have been able to find that work-life balance. I wanted to devote myself to being a mother. I did that entirely, and very happily, for two or three years.

It’s amazing when you can have conversations with kids, and get an insight into the way their minds work. If you just listen to them, you learn so much. We (adults) lack imagination. We know too much about the world. If Inaaya asks, are unicorns real? I say, “Well, I haven’t seen one. That doesn’t mean that they’re not real. I haven’t been on Mars either.” I don’t know a lot about the world, but I would like her to have that imagination for as long as possible. She just lost her first tooth so we were wondering whether we should tell her about the tooth fairy. Would she believe it? Is there Santa Claus? Soon she’s going to know. If you can keep up the magic for as long as possible, why not? But we also answer her questions. I have had arguments with her. I have lost my patience and I have apologized to her many times. But I also go to work and don’t apologize. I tell her I’m going to work because I enjoy working. She doesn’t like that. She says, “Why can’t you cancel it? If you don’t then it means you don’t love me.” I feel slowly she will understand that it’s important to have work, to have friends and other things that define you. It is great fun to have a five-year-old but it’s also difficult because kids are open to many influences. She’s going to school and there are 50,000 other people around her and she’s going to be a product of all of those things.

Kunal is an equal co-parent in sharing responsibilities. But he does have a different style of parenting. What tends to happen is that I want to have control over things like nutrition or bedtime. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be there equally, but it is because I feel like he won’t do it properly. Or nobody will do it properly. That’s why, I often become crazy over things like bedtime. Bedtime for Inaaya is strictly at 7:30 pm. Nobody comes to my house after seven o’clock.

Kunal asks the same question (laughs). But I have noticed that Inaaya functions well on 11 hours of sleep at this age. Of course, every child is different. Also, the child feels she will be able to do everything that you’re doing. It is tough to say: “No, you need to sleep for two or three hours more than I do. You’re still growing. You need to go to school in the morning.” It is tough but that discipline and being able to say ‘no’ to your child is important. It’s hard because children have very logical arguments. Inaaya is such a good negotiator. I am exhausted from negotiating every day. As a working mother, the schedule really helps me. I am doing it for my own peace of mind too as I get time to myself.

Children are very clever. What they tend to do is also play parents against each other. If I say no, she’ll go and complain to Kunal. So, it’s very important to have a united front as parents. But sometimes she really doesn’t listen. It’s important to be patient and remember that what the child is asking for may be small to you but not to them. It is easy to be dismissive and say, “so what if you don’t watch 10 minutes more of TV today? What if you can’t have candy or what if you can’t wear that ridiculous T-shirt?” But this is a child asserting his or her independence; this is them wanting to make choices because bechara they make no choices. You are anyway telling them what to wear, when to go to school, what hairstyle to keep. They are already so disenfranchised at five. It’s okay to allow them to have some say in their lives.

I don’t think you bring a pet home because you want to improve your parenting game or get a toy or playmate to make your child’s life better. A pet is another member of your family. It’s a big responsibility. Not everyone is cut out for it. Just like not everyone needs to be a parent, not everyone needs to be a pet owner. But, yes, pets do add something to your life. I have grown up with dogs because we had space. They are great companions, and it is hard to be in a bad mood with dogs around because they are so full of love. My father once said that it is important for every child to have a pet because it teaches them to cope with death. Your pet will probably die before you, and it will teach you a very hard lesson at a very young age. That’s not really a reason to get a pet but it does teach you life lessons.

She definitely wants another pet. She can’t decide between a cat or a dog. We have had many conversations around this. We remind her: “You’re in school from 8 am to 3 pm; you then want to go and play at people’s houses. Sometimes we go on holidays. Kunal and I have to go away for weeks at a time when we are shooting. Will you make time for the pet? Or will it be like the hundreds of soft toys you play with for five minutes and then toss aside? Cleaning after them, taking them for walks, spending quality time, taking them to the vet when they fall sick, all this will be your responsibility too.” And now she gets that it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. We are waiting for the right time when she is a little older to take on these responsibilities.

My mother suggested that they should really have an adventure where someone gets into trouble. Like either Bobo saves Inni or Inni saves Bobo. We are trying to figure that out as to how they could — without us looking like irresponsible parents who put them in a place of peril (laughs).To creatively collaborate with your family in itself is quite perilous. Everyone has different personalities; everyone wants things a certain way. People have tantrums. But when it comes to writing, it’s been amazing to see this process through Inaaya’s eyes. To see how a story in your mind can be put from pen to paper, finger to keyboard, and then be printed, bound, illustrated and shared with the world. She has understood the process and what it means to be an author. Seeing that happen has been wonderful.

I really should write a book on the perils of parenting. I wish I had started writing from the beginning because already five years have elapsed. And when you are a parent, every year is momentous. Like zero to one year is a stage. Then from three to five, big things are happening. But I am too busy and happy living this life right now.

You have to just say ‘no’ to screen time, and there will be times when they will really resent you, especially when your own world is inundated with screens. How do you explain to a child that she can’t watch TV when you are binge-watching an entire show because a producer wants you to see it? So much of our work is now screen-oriented and kids just don’t get it. I think it’s important for them to be screen-free for some time in the day. It’s about prioritizing and planning. Be involved and do something fun with them, whether it is art, crafts, storytelling, or reading together, or going for a walk, or even exercising. Inaaya and I do yoga together. I am old-school and sometimes I do pressurize my child to read books, even if there are many different ways of becoming smart and assimilating information today. There’s something beautiful about reading a book. As much as possible, I will be that annoying mother who will always tell her child to read a book. You will never be bored if you have a book.

I think I have more patience than her. For sure! But then I was the youngest child. She had my brother when she was 26. She was working then. By the time I was born almost 10 years later, she was home more. She was in school, she was on the PTA, she was doing bake-sales and school drop offs. She was a very visible parent for me. That’s what I want to do for Inaaya. I saw that she was a working professional who can also carve out time. It does take a community to bring up a child. She was very good at delegating responsibilities. I am learning to do that from her. And she looked after herself too. As they say, first you have to look after yourself, only then can you look after the household. Having her as a grandparent is very useful. Because she’s indulgent with Inaaya and I am there to be the authoritarian figure.

Everyone has a different approach. For me, it doesn’t work to hustle the child out of the car or say don’t do this or that. It creates a sense of fear and panic. The paparazzi have been respectful too. If you ask them to not take pictures at a certain time — that perhaps we can come back to pose later — they do listen. More importantly, it helps to have that conversation with the child about the fact that people will be taking pictures of you because your family has worked hard to attain a certain level of celebrity and they are public figures. People are interested in you as a result of that. It’s not so much about what you’ve done in life, although you’re very cute. Inaaya already understands that, and it doesn’t bother her.