Soha Ali Khan, who grew up in an environment rich in art and culture, visited the recently restored Dr Bhau Daji Lad Mumbai City Museum. During the tour, the actor-author spoke to us about how she was attracted to museums from a young age and how her daughter Inaaya is taking a keen interest in the same.

Recalling her childhood days where her parents Sharmila Tagore and late Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi would often take Soha and her siblings, Saif Ali Khan and Saba Pataudi, for museum visits, Soha says, “Amma and Abba loved taking us to museums, especially during our holidays in England. My brother studied there, and my father, who also studied in the UK, enjoyed visiting in the summer. Amma’s favourite was always the Natural History Museum with its dinosaurs and fossils. I recently took Inaaya there while shooting in London, and she loved it. The roaring, motorized dinosaurs made her feel like she was in Jurassic Park.”

The family also visited the Victoria & Albert Museum and the Tower of London, where the Koh-i-Noor is displayed. “Inaaya keeps saying she’ll write to the monarchy and demand our diamond back!” Soha adds with a smile.

The actress-author explains how even in Inaaya’s school, they encourage immersive art programs. “They’ve taken the kids to exhibitions by Yayoi Kusama and even had them paint their own Mona Lisas (self-portraits) after studying Da Vinci. It’s a hands-on approach; they learn theory and get messy with paint,” she shares. Soha extends this approach to other cultural elements including music, mythology, and real-world stories.

“We talk about astronauts like Sunita Williams and how her journey reflects resilience. It’s relevant, it's human, and it teaches values along with history.”

For Soha, teaching her daughter about heritage isn’t about memorizing facts and timelines, it’s about sharing stories and creating sensory experiences. “The best way to introduce a child to art and history is to make it fun and interactive – not just tell them about it or read from a book. Museums connect us to history in ways books sometimes can’t. We go to museums with child-friendly exhibits. I point out paintings at home and talk about artists like Van Gogh. Inaaya now recognizes Sunflowers, Starry Night and even Da Vinci.”

Soha’s eyes light up when talking about a dream destination. “One museum I’d love to visit, and maybe even contribute to, is the Museum of Broken Relationships in Zagreb, Croatia. It’s filled with small things people hold on to after a breakup – plane tickets, notes, even those sickness bags from flights. There’s a whole section on long-distance relationships. I think it’s such a beautiful and moving idea.”

Location courtesy: Dr. Bhau Daji Lad Museum, Mumbai

Though they spend most of their time in different cities, Sharmila Tagore and Soha Ali Khan will meet virtually today on Mother’s Day, and that too, for a good cause. They will be donating clothes from their closet for an auction, the proceeds from which will be used for animal welfare and social causes. In a chat with BT on this special day, Soha talks about what she has learnt from her mother’s journey as a parent and how that’s helped her in her own, while raising daughter, Inaaya Naumi Kemmu. Excerpts:

We have been associated with this group’s initiatives for a while now. This initiative gives us a chance to encourage the philosophy of pre-loved articles. It gives us a chance to look through our cupboards and put what we’re probably hoarding for years to good use. Someone will find some joy in them. The proceeds will be used for animal rescue programmes and other social causes. Giving brings its own kind of joy and peace. This is a good way and a good time to start giving back to society in some way.

Being a mother is a life-changing experience. Motherhood changes you profoundly. Once you become a mother, things are never the same. The centre of your world changes...a part of your heart goes out of your body in the form of another living being. It’s incredibly humbling and magical to see how you create life. You might think the child is half you and half your partner, but they are 100 per cent their own people. It’s fascinating to see that my daughter, at her age, has her own, unique personality. Our job as parents is to help the child become what they want to be, without forcing our dreams on them. Of course, you have to intervene as and when needed, but even with the best intentions, you have to take a backseat and let them become who they want to be

By the time I was born, my parents had super busy careers and were known as star achievers. Mom, by then, had begun to wind down her career.

When I was a little girl, she was away to shoot Mississippi Masala for about three months. I would write her a letter every day. My father would collect them and post them every Sunday to her. When I was shooting in Delhi recently, Inaaya would make video calls whenever she wanted to see me and speak to me. We didn’t have that option back then. My mother had once said that it was hard for her to be a working mother. You’re almost always hard on yourself. There were so many occasions when we wouldn’t be together on her birthday or one of our birthdays, because of her work schedule. But we would not hold it against her. Instead, we celebrated when we got the time with her. Around the time I was born, my dad had become a stay-at-home father, moving his engagements at home. It’s not like we always saw our father going to work and mom at home. We actually saw the reverse — dad was with us and mom would be away for her work. Since an early age, it taught us that mothers have their own dreams, ambitions and careers, too. It taught us that we should create a supportive environment for that. Amma and I have holidayed, been on car trips and played word games together. My parents were particular that the time at the dinner table was for conversations with family — no reading books or anything else. It was about spending quality time together. I am glad I had a role model in my mother who taught me that it’s okay to have a career and dreams along with having children.

My mom is wise. As daughters, sometimes, the last person you want advice from is your own mother, especially when it comes to being a mother. You want to find solutions to your problems, and have an identity of your own as a parent. Sometimes, you even fight against their advice because what they did in their time may not be applicable anymore. When I became an actress, and I was asked if my mother ever advised me, and I had quoted Amma then, she had said, ‘There is one captain of the ship. Your director.’ Similarly, when I became a mother, she told me that my pediatrician is the captain of the ship when it comes to medical advice, and I should turn to the doctor when the need arises. Inaaya, Amma and I were in Pataudi recently, when I got into an argument with my daughter. Inaaya was not interested in listening to me. My mother was right when she said that you can’t win against a three-year-old. You need to empathise with the child at that moment. Later, you can explain these things to her when she is in the space to listen. She was right about that and many such things. I love the fact that my mother is never overbearing when it comes to giving advice.

Onkar Kulkarni (BOMBAY TIMES; July 19, 2020)

A few days ago, Soha Ali Khan posted a photograph of her daughter Inaaya Naumi Kemmu and nephew Taimur Ali Khan dressed up as Batgirl and Batman, which went viral immediately. The occasion was a close-knit family get-together organised by Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor Khan at their Bandra home. The ‘guests’ included Soha, her actor-husband Kunal Kemmu and Saif’s older children, Sara Ali Khan and Ibrahim Ali Khan, all of whom stay in the neighbourhood.

“Both Inaaya and Taimur wanted to be Batman, nobody wanted to be Robin,” says Soha, laughing. Talking to BT about their mini family get-together, she adds, “We want Taimur and Inaaya to spend time with each other, they have to interact with kids their age. Inaaya is two-and-a-half years old and Taimur is just nine months older than her. Under normal circumstances, they would have been going to school and learning from their classmates. But, since that’s not possible, we decided to have a family reunion and luckily, we all stay close by. Inaaya listens to Taimur a lot, she tries to copy whatever he does and wants to be faster than him. As they say, when you have an older sibling, you try and learn faster.”

While the brother-sister duo stay in the vicinity, their mother Sharmila Tagore resides in Delhi. Naturally, Soha is concerned about the health of her 75-year-old mom. She says, “She stays alone, but thankfully, we have excellent staff at home, who has been working with us for years. We are constantly in touch via messages and do video calls on alternate days. She can lie about her health while messaging, but video calls pe sab sach dikhta hai. I want to go and see her, but I can’t leave Inaaya or travel with her. I am torn between my daughter and my mother. My mom calms me down, though. The thing with that generation is that they are very strong and take everything in their stride.”

Titas Chowdhury (HINDUSTAN TIMES; July 5, 2020)

“The Coronavirus pandemic has made the hygiene situation even more difficult for a lot of women and girls, especially in rural parts of our country,” says Soha Ali Khan. The actor believes that the road to ensuring menstrual hygiene continues to be a key issue. A while ago, hence, she extended a helping hand to women to ensure that they’ve access to sanitary napkins.

She says, “Reports suggest that women and girls are worst hit, due to work mounting up at home, lack of access to hygiene products and girls dropping our of schools permanently because of financial challenges. I strongly felt that I wanted to do something which had a direct impact on girls in need.”

Khan points out that the rural-urban divide became more prominent during the health crisis. She explains, “In urban areas, underprivileged women are managing with the help of NGOs that distribute sanitary napkins. However, girls in rural areas are struggling to receive the support they had before the pandemic hit. Many girls who had access to sanitary solutions through their schools now no longer have that support as schools are closed.”

The actor believes that while it’s important for the economy to start opening up, it’s important to practice social distancing as well. She says, “In other parts of the world where lockdowns have not been imposed, people have done voluntary social distancing and companies have followed protocols like having minimal staff working and ensuring social-distancing norms when in public. We need to do the same here.”

The new normal, according to her, is going to be all about prioritising health and safety. “The crisis is far from over. We need to follow the norms using our own sense of social responsibility,” she concludes.

Rinky Kumar (DNA; April 22, 2018)

Much is known about the Pataudi family, but in her first non-fiction work, Soha Ali Khan gives readers a rare insight into the kin’s history as well as her relationship with its various members. One of the heartwarming parts is the portion about her father, Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi, where she shares how despite being a star sportsman, he believed in leading a simple life. Soha tells After Hrs how she enjoyed her father’s company immensely, what was the inspiration behind her book, The Perils of Being Moderately Famous, and why it’s laced with humour.

How did you get the idea for the book?
A few people from Penguin India had approached me. I had toyed with the idea of writing a book. But I didn’t have the discipline to get it done. When this offer came, I thought this was the motivation that I needed. I always felt that if I would ever write, it would be a non-fiction piece as my memory is better than my imagination. I could rely on my family, my past, my travel, education, relationships and pregnancy and talk about all of this in a humorous way that would resonate with readers.

You had no qualms in admitting that you are moderately famous in a family of superstars. How difficult or easy was it for you pen it down?
I’m a practical person who doesn’t take herself or the world around her too seriously. So, it wasn’t difficult to write the book in such a tone. I don’t have qualms talking about myself, but there are certain things that I like to keep private, so I have a balanced perspective. However, it’s easier to do so with your friends and family, but when you are writing a book, you don’t know who will read it. After all, you are talking to strangers who don’t know too much about you. So, it was important to be honest and consistent, otherwise, it wouldn’t ring true with readers. A lot of it also comes from my father because he had a similar sense of humour. Moreover, I grew up in London where self-deprecating humour is native.

How do you deal with this aspect on a personal level?
On some days, it can be frustrating. When you are recognised by association and people refer to me as Saif Ali Khan’s sister, or Tiger Ali Khan Pataudi’s daughter or Taimur’s aunt, you can choose to laugh about it, which is what I mostly do, but there are occasions when I tell myself that I do have a name. These are things that I have learnt over time. Eventually, you get used to it and learn to embrace it as your identity. The fact is that I do come from a family where everyone is an overachiever, which has brought me more pluses than negatives, so I would never swap it with anything else in the world.

Were you apprehensive about what to share in the book because it touches upon different members of your family?
Yes, especially when it came to my father, who was an extremely private person. But I felt at the end of the day, this was my relationship with him. I was conscious that I shouldn’t write anything that he wouldn’t be comfortable sharing. I have rightly touched upon Bhai and Kareena (Kapoor Khan) in a funny way. It was difficult writing about my mother because my relationship with her is quite deep and complex.

It shows your father in a different light. You have highlighted how he was never lured by consumerist temptations…
I shared a good relationship with him and had a huge amount of respect for him. I’m happy that I put it down because after he passed away, these were the things that I was thinking about. We enjoyed each other’s company immensely. We went on holidays together. He would help me with my school debates, speeches (especially since he was a good orator), homework, and my visa application. I always thought he was the coolest person in the world and I was so lucky to be loved by someone who himself was loved by so many people.

What kind of a bond do you share with your elder sister Saba?
We are just two-and-a-half years apart. We shared the same room and same bed. We fought over toys, so my mom would give us the same presents. When we would get chocolates as return gifts from birthdays, I would eat all of them and she would hoard her share. Then, I would steal them and get in trouble. But we would always stand up for each other. Now, since all of us stay in Mumbai, we see each other all the time. She comes over quite often and babysits my daughter Inaaya. She reminisces how, when I was small, she would change my diaper and was like a second mother to me (smiles).

Rinky Kumar (DNA; April 18, 2018)

Last year was rather eventful for Soha Ali Khan. The actress not only became a  mother but also turned author with The Perils of Being Moderately Famous. The unconventional memoir, which was a candid account of her growing up in a family of superstars, has been appreciated by critics and readers alike.

Now, Soha plans to write her second book. She told After Hrs, “Three months from now, I do want to start something. I thought I should write on the perils of parenting. That’s what I’m dealing with right now and it’s fresh in my mind. It will have a humorous tone like my first book.”

The 39-year-old admits that it would be a tall order while managing her daughter, Inaaya Naumi Kemmu, but she aims to do it. “I keep laughing and thinking that I can’t finish a thought, forget a sentence or a book. But I do want to. It’s just about discipline. Somehow, I managed to get the time when I was expecting, but it’s a lot easier when you are pregnant. Now, it’s going to be tough,” she adds.

MOTHERHOOD IS AN INCREDIBLE JOURNEY
Soha reveals that motherhood has been a life-transforming experience. “It requires a huge commitment. I’m glad that I have done all the things that I wanted to do in my life such as travelling and working before having Inaaya. Now, I can give her the attention that I want to and be completely involved in bringing her up. My life is not my own anymore.

Earlier, as I was the youngest in the family, I never had to worry about anyone else. But to have someone dependent on you is a new feeling. I was completely stress-free before, but now I stress all the time. I’m always worried about whether she has eaten or slept enough. I think stress is a part of being a parent,” she laughs and exclaims.

DEALING WITH THE PAPS
The actress avers that though her nephew, Taimur Ali Khan, is the darling of the shutterbugs, the paparazzi culture has become all pervasive. “Social media has changed the game. It feels abnormal to have three photographers following Taimur to playschool. There is an actual demand for his photographs. It is odd because he is just a child and he doesn’t understand what is going on. But as a protective aunt, you don’t want him to lose out on the innocence of being a child. So, that’s the only concern. You want him to have a normal life.”

She admits that she has the same concern for Inaaya too. “Taimur and she will end up doing similar things together. She is in many ways following in his footsteps. Even though my parents were superstars in their respective professions, I had a normal life while growing up in Delhi. I have been a grounded person and have had experiences that are relatable to other people. I think that’s an important part of growing up,” she signs off.

As told to Natasha Coutinho (MUMBAI MIRROR; March 26, 2018)

I started out with Citi Group’s Ford Foundation, a Delhi-based international NGO that works towards promoting human rights, democracy and women’s empowerment among others. Then, I went to England for a Master’s degree in politics, made a lot of friends there and decided to get a multinational corporation to sponsor my work permit as an Indian passport holder. I applied to Citi’s London office even though I didn’t have any prior experience in banking and finance. I got the job but was told that I would be trained in India for a year before being sent back to London. So, I moved to Mumbai from Delhi and started working with the company’s private bank which is high net worth asset allocation.

The job involves understanding the needs of the client and putting them in touch with the appropriate person in the bank. I got to meet a lot of interesting people but I can’t reveal names as client details are strictly confidential. I had to also report to the Singapore and London offices which meant waking up early and sleeping late, and after a while, the job began to get monotonous because at the end of the day banking is about transactions with different people every day, whether it’s in credit or debit.

However, living on my own and making money at a young age taught me how to manage my finances. I’d run out of money by the month-end and had to take an overdraft from the bank. I was paying Rs 17,000 on rent and had to save money so I could fly back to Delhi at least once a month to see my parents and friends. It was frustrating spending long hours commuting to work and back and I quickly learnt to value weekends and a regular pay cheque. I’d grown up in a sheltered life and living alone in Mumbai taught me everything, from using a washing machine to taking the public transport.

I had been offered several scripts in the past but one of them was particularly nice. But I knew instantly that I couldn’t be working at the bank and doing films simultaneously. I had to make a choice. So I quit my job even though they were working on my transfer to the UK at the time. After spending a year and a few months in Mumbai, I no longer wanted to move. London had lost its sheen, I wanted to stay on to stay closer to my existing friends.

I told myself I would do one film. If I liked it, I’d do more, if I didn’t, I was secure in the knowledge that I had a job to fall back on. I debuted in Bollywood with Dil Maange More opposite Shahid Kapoor in 2004. And I haven’t thought of getting back to banking since.

I recently debuted as an author with the book The Perils of Being Moderately Famous. I’m happy that it has done well. It is in its third reprint and has become a national bestseller. It had started off as a conversation between my laptop and me at 2 am. The journey of seeing it in print, receiving letters from Mr (Amitabh) Bachchan and Shabana ji (Azmi) has all been very encouraging. Let’s see where this journey takes me.

Malini Menon (TIMES LIFE; March 25, 2018)

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT?
I can be a different person at different moments. I may sound chatty and friendly but that could really be a reserved person trying hard not to appear to be an introvert.

A GIRL OF TWO CITIES
Juggling cities has never been an issue, although, now, with Inaaya [her daughter], I ensure all the logistics are taken care of well ahead of the journey. Most of my ‘wonder years’ (from 6 to 16 years) have been spent in Delhi. I went to the British School in Delhi and fondly remember the long walks with my father and the lovely parks I went to as a child. It’s the open spaces that I miss the most in Mumbai.

Inaaya mostly spends time indoors because of lack of open spaces in Mumbai. We didn’t have a childhood like that. We used to go to parks and gardens. There was no paparazzi and fear of stampede. Fortunately, that era allowed us a free, unrestricted, innocent childhood.

TAIMUR & INAAYA – THE COUSINS
Taimur and Inaaya look forward to their playtime. They are still getting to know each other. It will be exciting to see them living their childhood and growing up together. I hope the kids won’t be “papped” all through their growing years.

ON HER 2 AM FRIEND
It is important to keep the conversations with yourself on; I choose 2 am as the perfect time to meet my midnight date – me, of course. Around the devil’s hour, you are truest to yourself. It is a time when you can’t cheat.

HUMOUR LIKE DAD’S
I identify my humour quotient with that of my father’s. He used to love British comedies. Also, when it comes to fitness, my father was a sportsman and I too was into sports as a child.

THE LAW DREAM
My mother had asked me to pursue law, go to Harvard but I am not a person who sits and reflects on decisions. I believe there are good reasons for every decision made.

‘NEVER HURT A MAN’S EGO’
I am sorted when it comes to relationships. Moderation — even in expectations — seems to be the key here. We have been a disciplined family and this is what really helped me in staying focused while penning down my thoughts (for her book).

My mother always told me never offend a man’s ego and never hurt a woman’s emotions – an advice I will not forget to pass on to my daughter.

SAIF, AMMA, KUNAL
Bhai has been one of the key forces in my life. He is a good critic and is not the kind of a person who would shy away from telling you how he feels about your work. In fact, I am surrounded by in-house critics. While working on my book, Kunal wanted an audio version. Kunal was closest in terms of proximity during my relationship with the book. He wanted me to read out the chapters to him aloud and I used to look forward to his reactions. Bhai wanted a soft copy and my mum (Sharmila Tagore), being from not-so-tech-savvy generation sought a hard copy. It helped her make notes on the sides of pages with a pencil.

Renuka Vyavahare (BOMBAY TIMES; February 13, 2018)

She may be blue-blooded, but Soha Ali Khan exudes a certain sense of simplicity and realism that’s a far cry from one’s ‘elitist’ perception of her. Soha’s clarity of thought, coupled with the ability to express herself concisely, makes her for a great conversationalist. From films and sexism to her privileged life and her identity beyond the name of her family, the actress-turned-author spoke candidly to BT when we caught up with her at her Khar home, which is reminiscent of a French art gallery. The fact that we could meet her four-month-old daughter Inaaya Naumi Kemmu, was an added bonus. Excerpts...

While homemakers feel that working women have it easy because they have full-time help, the latter feel homemakers are fortunate to spend more time with their children. What’s your take on this age-old debate, now that you have become a mother yourself?
I feel women are always going to be criticized, no matter what they do. And, it’s women who criticize other women more than men; we make it difficult for ourselves. If you are giving all your time to your children, people will say, ‘Isko koi aur kaam nahi hai toh isliye easy hai. Isko toh ghar par hi baithna hai’. On the other hand, you judge working women for leaving their children behind.

If I attend a press conference, people will ask me who is at home looking after my daughter, but if Kunal (Kemmu, husband) goes for an event, no one ask will him this question. Such things are a part and parcel of a woman’s life. There is inherent sexism and no matter what you do, there will be people who will criticise you, so it’s best to ignore them and do your own thing.

Inaaya and Taimur (Saif and Kareena’s baby boy) are internet sensations already. As a mother, does the early exposure worry you?
As actors and public figures, this is an integral part of our lives. When I first joined the industry, there were no paps. They didn’t even like being called that. There were no photographers at the airport, outside the gyms or restaurants, but now, you see them everywhere. While we have chosen this life, it’s not Inaaya’s choice, so it might be irksome for her.

Born to celeb parents (Sharmila Tagore and the late Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi), you must have also dealt with public attention from an early age...
There wasn’t this kind of attention because we grew up in Delhi. There were no photographers or Bollywood glitzy parties there. Only in college did I learn about my father’s achievements in cricket. Similarly, I got to know about my mother’s achievements in cinema after joining the film industry. I remember my mother attending every PTA meeting at school. For me they, were like any other ordinary parents.

Given your background, do you get excited about the little joys of life, like common people do?
We do lots of normal things! Somebody laughed at my me because I made a comparison in my book as to how I live in a small 2BHK now. They wondered how small I think a 2BHK is, compared to the Pataudi palace where I grew up. So, ‘common’ for someone is not common for the other person. It’s all relative. I think that my life has been quite normal, though we come from a certain position of privilege. We are better off than a lot of people in the country and not as well off as some others. Also, when you talk of something like privilege in a country like India where there is so much income disparity, you can say that I work hard. But it’s difficult to muster up sympathy as an actor because you are paid very handsomely for your time. There are lot of people out there who work very hard and don’t get paid equally.

Even at the risk of getting into trouble, both Saif and you speak your mind. Have you inherited that trait from your father?
My father was more diplomatic than both of us. It’s not that he wouldn’t give an answer, but they were sensible and well-gauged and he would use the right language. I’d like to think that I am more like him, but I think outspokenness comes from one’s individual character. It is shaped by family, friends, education and your own personality. It’s also important to understand that complete honesty can be offensive to some people, so you have to be tactful.

What’s the dinner-table conversation like in the female-dominated Khan family, also since everyone’s famous?
I think Saif is grateful now that Kunal is around and there’s another man (laughs). As a family, we like to keep abreast of what’s happening in the country, so dinner-table conversations revolve around social and political issues, films... a bit of everything. In fact, we talk about films the least. Everybody shares their opinion, so it’s good fun.

Your marriage to Kunal came as a surprise since you two seem quite different...
Yes, we had different lives growing up, but we are very similar when it comes to the things we enjoy doing. We have the same taste in television viewing, we like being active, we are not party animals, we love travelling. Our choice of friends are also similar. He says that he was intimidated by me, but I think that he was intrigued by me and had a certain respect for me and my educational background. We can have healthy debates and I don’t always agree with him. I think that’s one of the things he likes the most about me.

You don’t really fit into Bollywood’s culture of socializing. Even as a star kid, one didn’t see you bragging about your industry connections...
I didn’t grow up surrounded by films or filmi people. I was in Delhi, then England. Growing up, I didn’t watch Hindi films, except for Salman Khan’s movies. So, it took me a while to understand how the industry works. Also, I am not very good at socialising; Kunal and I don’t go out very often. We love our space and most of our friends are not from the film industry. We don’t necessarily go to the right place and hang out with the right people. I am not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s good to network once in a while. I just think that I am lazy about it.

But there’s a possibility of this personality trait being perceived as laid back behaviour.
I think people have short memories. If you are not seen enough, they forget that you exist. So, it’s important to be visible in the media. Unfortunately, it’s not just about your ability as an actor, but also what’s saleable as a commodity. However, cinema is changing now. People can now make films for digital platforms. If you just want to act, there are many ways to do it, but if you want to be in the top league, you have to play the game a little bit.

Your book is replete with self-deprecating humour, and only a person who is truly secure can say that she is moderately famous when compared to the rest of her family members.
My mother thought I was being too harsh on myself but when I decided to write a book about my life, I thought about what people will be most interested in, and it occurred to me that it’s the fact that I am related to this most unique family. Everyone in the family is a superstar. So, I decided to write something on how it is to be recognised as Saif Ali Khan’s sister, Tiger Pataudi and Sharmila’s daughter, Kareena Kapoor’s sister-in-law or Taimur’s aunt! How it is to be in a position where people actually want to ask them questions, but they do it through me because they don’t have access to them. All this in a humorous way because there is a also a sense of self and identity. I have also written about other things like travel and pregnancy, that is entirely about me

On Day 2 of the Times Litfest 2017, actress-turned-author, Soha Ali Khan revealed how her brother, Saif Ali Khan was blamed by her parents when she quit her banking job for showbiz
Pallabi Purkayastha (BOMBAY TIMES; December 18, 2017)

A mother to baby girl Inaaya, a ‘moderately’ successful actress (in her words) and a lineage that consists of princes and Noble laureates, Soha Ali Khan has everything going for her.

While revealing the growing up process in her tongue-in-cheek style at the Times Litfest, she also revealed that she’s had her share of personal problems too. “My father (late cricketer Mansoor Ali Khan Pataudi) never understood Bollywood and my mother (actress Sharmila Tagore) was protective of me as she was a part of the industry. So, when I told them that I wanted to be an actress, they did not speak to me for months. As predicted by bhai (brother Saif Ali Khan), my parents did think that he had a bad influence on me. They were furious with him,” she told author Suhel Seth, who was moderating the session on her newly released book.

Soha, however, maintained that the Pataudis are a close-knit family. “I have always been an achiever all my life. I was a good student, so when I read the first review on me, I did not step out of the house for two days. Bhai called me and said, ‘Get ready. I am coming to take you out’. He is always supportive,” she said.

The actress, who lost her father in 2011, shared a personal anecdote on him that got everyone teary-eyed. “I was in Oxford, where they were particular about certain things. I was close to not being able to graduate because I did not wear black stockings. My father took off his black socks and gave it to me. I wore those loose socks to collect my degree.”

When someone from the audience asked her, if she would take to writing full-time, Soha said, “I do not know if I’ll write again. I am not a good planner. I never thought I would write a book, but I did. I also never thought I would have a baby, but I did.”

Soha Ali Khan is looking forward to returning to acting, her fi rst book and her debut production
Natasha Coutinho (MUMBAI MIRROR; November 9, 2017)

It’s been five weeks since Soha Ali Khan and Kunal Kemmu became the proud parents of daughter, Inaaya Naumi Kemmu, and the new mamma admits the baby has her firmly wrapped around her little finger. “There’s no question of dividing my time because Inaaya takes up all my time,” Soha laughs, admitting that even now parenting is unchartered territory for her. “Since I was the youngest in my family, I never had to change a diaper before. My sister, Saba, helped look after me, my brother, Saif, probably helped look after Saba, I didn’t have to look after anyone. Now, suddenly, I have a baby who is dependent on me for food and comfort. She can’t even scratch herself and I feel so responsible for this life!” She admits that it’ll be a while before she wrests control of her life but right now Inaaya decides everything depending on whether she’s hungry, sleepy or playful.

Dad Kunal has just notched up a hit with Golmaal Again and Soha enjoyed the film. “I’m not just saying this because I’m married to him but Kunal stood out in the film though everybody was so good. I’m looking forward to more Golmaal,” she asserts.

Her nephew, Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor’s son Taimur, is a darling with the paparazzi at 11 months and has unofficial accounts on social media with his pictures. Soha points out that they are also getting used to the media following them around, but believes that it isn’t necessary, particularly for a child, to be clicked every day. “I’m sure after a point people are disinterested. Taimur is a child and it’s not like he’s wearing designer clothes every day that he has to be clicked. As an actor you understand that this is a part of your job, but your kids are entitled to some privacy.” she adds.

Meanwhile, she is gearing up to return to acting with Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster 3. “I enjoyed working with Tigmanshu (Dhulia) sir in Saheb Biwi Aur Gangster Returns, he’s a brilliant writer- director. I was worried about shooting Part 3 when heavily pregnant but the film got pushed and by December I’m hoping to be more in control,” she smiles.

Simultaneously, Kunal and she are prepping for their first production, a biopic on lawyer Ram Jethmalani. “We are excited to be co-producing the film with Ronnie Screwvala. The script is underway, we should lock a director soon,” she says excitedly.

Soha’s also written a book, ‘The Perils Of Being Moderately Famous by Soha Ali Khan’, which is a collection of personal essays through which she recounts with self-deprecating, tongue-in-cheek humour what it was like grow up in one of India’s most illustrious families. It has never-published photos from the family archives and takes us through her growing up years as a modern-day princess, her days at Balliol College, her life as a celebrity in times of social media culture and finding love in the most unlikely of places. It’s helped her explore her maternal lineage that dates back to Nobel Laurette Rabindranath Tagore, discover that her family has a history of love marriage, learn about her father’s cricketing genius and how he came to terms with the accident that cost him an eye.

“I’ve written non-fiction articles for different papers and penned a chapter in my father’s book, Pataudi: Nawab of Cricket. A book seemed a daunting task but Penguin India was looking for writers and I wrote an introduction, then went from chapter to chapter,”she informs.

The actress admits that people are often curious about her family, stopping her to say that they’re a fan of her parents, brother Saif and now Taimur too. “I’ve always laughed over the fact that while not non famous, I’m not as famous as the others. The book is from the perspective of someone who’s always been in the middle and the few I’ve shared the manuscript have enjoyed it. I’ll certainly write more, maybe I can even get into the fiction space,” she muses.

Soha Ali Khan, who has looked radiant throughout her pregnancy, says she will miss being pregnant. Here, she lists the nine things that had become a part of her for nine months. Over to Soha...
Soha Ali Khan (DNA; September 30, 2017)

“I know that I’ve complained a lot about this last leg of being pregnant — the aches and pains, the lack of sleep, the hormonal blitzkrieg — but I realise that I am going to miss being pregnant. Perhaps not the heartburn or the hair inexplicably growing in downy patches around my ears, but there are things that I have grown accustomed to over the past nine months.

Placenta brain as a get out of jail card: A heady hormonal hurricane really does leave you distracted and unfocused but the upside is that it’s a great excuse for slipping up. Left the keys in the door? No harm done. Forgot to boil the water before making tea? It happens!

Rolls and Somersaults: I watch my bulging belly distend and collapse marvelling at the magnitude of the engineering enterprise underway below the surface. It is an intimacy that is unreal.

Extra calories: A definite perk of being pregnant is guilt-free weight gain. You may not be eating for two, but in the third trimester you can happily chow down 500 extra calories a day.

Glow girl: I bemoan the nausea and the swelling but one symptom of pregnancy I have loved has been that of clear smooth skin. Post pregnancy, as the nausea and swelling disappear, sadly so does that glow!

Niceness: Everyone fusses over you when you’re pregnant. Total strangers smile at you (although I admit this is not exactly a new phenomenon in my life). They fetch you pillows, offer you their seat, their sandwich. Sometimes I drop things on purpose just to see people who would ordinarily never do it, bend down and pick it up for me.

Attention: Foot rubs, shoulder massages, my favourite foods being prepared, the air conditioning set to a temperature of my choice… all that is coming to an end and I will soon have to turn off my own bedside light which is tragic.

Naps: Sleep has always held a status bordering on sacred in my life. But now I don’t have to sneak off to have a snooze even if it’s just after breakfast — you can’t judge me, I’m pregnant!

Camaraderie: You know when you pose for a photograph you automatically suck in your stomach — for months now I can just hang loose and flaunt that bump — the bigger the more beautiful.

You are special: Every week Kunal and I have marveled at the growth of our miracle inside me — from two cells to the size of an apple seed, then an apple and so on until today it’s as big as a pumpkin — a pumpkin with ten fingers, ten toes and a heartbeat. Soon I will be a non-pregnant normal person again and I can’t help but feel blessed and privileged to have had this experience, to have carried this precious bundle over nine fleeting months until it was ready to embrace the world.

Soha Ali Khan on being trolled for pictures at a Ganpati pandal recently
Mohar Basu (MID-DAY; September 14, 2016)

Earlier this month, Soha Ali Khan’s visit to the Golden Temple in Amritsar had invited scathing comments from social media trolls, who questioned her ‘disloyalty’ to her religion. Assailed with a sense of déjà vu, the actress has once again been targeted by online bullies for posting pictures at a Ganpati pandal last week.

Soha hasn’t reacted to any of the venomous comments, but when we caught up with her, she made her anger apparent. “My religion is my business alone. Whether I choose to do namaz or go to a church, how does it affect anyone? People shouldn’t bother about what’s not their business. I am all for freedom of expression, but being told how going to a temple makes me a non-Muslim is plain callous. No one has the right to say that. I am not a commodity and so, a particular community cannot own me. Our social fabric is so rich because we are diverse. Respect each other’s choices,” she says.

Soha, daughter of late cricketer Mansur Ali Khan Pataudi and veteran actress Sharmila Tagore, says she has as many fond memories of Eid festivities with family in Pataudi as Durga Puja celebrations in Calcutta. “Similarly, Diwali is celebrated with gusto at my home. That’s the culture India signifies, not the one of hatred that people commenting on my timeline are trying to propagate. I try not to be affected by it and frankly, as long as no one is coming into my private space or harming me physically, I don’t care. But those who are desperate to have an opinion on my life, at least try to have an educated one,” the actress says.

Soha Ali Khan talks to us for the first time after her marriage
Subhash K Jha (DNA; January 30, 2015)

Now that she is finally wed to actor Kunal Kemmu, Soha Ali Khan is looking at a week of absolutely no work. "Both of us just want to put up our feet and relax," she says.

The actress seems surprised by her own decision to marry. "I always felt the only reason to get married is to have children," she says, adding, "We've been very lucky to have very supportive parents. My mother is a very liberal wife and mother. So there was no peer pressure to marry."

While confident about her marriage - she cites her parents' successful 44-year-strong marriage, she isn't starry-eyed. "There is no perfect relationship. You have to work around the dissatisfaction. I am sure even my parents had their problems. But they must have worked on their marriage. And they made it work," she shares.

She knows she has to work hard on her marriage. "To keep a relationship going in today's day and age is very difficult. I'd like to think if my relationship has worked for five years, it's permanent. We are all so self-centred. So am I. To give that much to a relationship is very difficult."

She adds, "My happiness always came first. But now to make Kunal happy makes me happier."

Nonetheless, there are doubts. "I don't know how much I can sacrifice for anyone else. I always said we should not take the relationship for granted. We need to continue to communicate our feelings about one another, no matter what its repercussions. Only an honest approach can keep a relationship going.".

She gives her husband a lot of credit for making her feel secure in their relationship. "Kunal has a lot of integrity, fervour and ambition. What I love the most about him is his consistency. In five years, he has never wavered in his thoughts and beliefs."

The couple has no immediate plans of having children, yet.