Madhureeta Mukherjee (BOMBAY TIMES; June 19, 2022)

They are one modern, happy family. Unconventional, yes. Unshakebly close, absolutely yes! They don’t live under the same roof at all times, but they are one tightly knit unit. They beautifully blend in and proudly stand out. While Arjun Rampal has finely reinvented himself in this current phase of his career, in his personal life, too, the dad of three wonderful children Mahikaa (20), Myra (17) and Arik (2), is learning new things about fatherhood every day, all over again. And he is cherishing it! Arjun talks to BT about parenting in these times and what it takes to be a cool dad and a buddy, who they can lean on. Read on...

You became a father at 28, with Mahikaa’s birth, then at 32 with Myra’s birth. Then at 46, Gabriella (Demetriades) and you had Arik. How different was it being a dad in your mid-40s, which probably is a more settled phase of your life?
It was absolutely different. If I had to go back to the time when I was 28 again and relive my time with Mahikaa, I would do it exactly how I am doing it with Arik.

I feel at that point in time (in your 20s), you are so nervous when you have a child, you are young and it’s all so new. You are also in that state of mind where you are figuring things out and trying to please people in the work space. So, you tend to focus more on making a life for your children rather than spending your life with them. And I think what’s most important with any family is spending time together. Now, I get to do that with all three of them and it is wonderful. They are my friends, and they are very naughty and are always pranking me. And I am always falling for it. Mahikaa is the biggest prankster and so is Myra, and now, even Gabriella has joined the gang.

With Arik, do you find yourself learning new things about fatherhood and getting a hang of daddy duties all over again? Raising a baby amid the pandemic must come with its challenges?
A lot of things happened out of the ordinary with Arik. To have him at the age that I am at, and then the fact that he was born little before the pandemic... it was a period that changed all of us. We were stuck in a house; we couldn’t step out and meet people. So, when you are spending so much time, obviously the way you observe a child is different. If it weren’t for the pandemic, I probably wouldn’t have been able to be around him as much. For Gabriella, to have this baby, at first, she was like, ‘Oh, I don’t know how I will be as a mother’. She is young and was wondering how she would manage this new phase in her life. So, we have been parenting together, which was fantastic. It all happened during scary times, but spending all that time together, also naturally made our bond so special. Arik also has two wonderful sisters who got to hang out with him a lot. We all spend a lot of time as a family. We talk a lot, express our feelings and share our thoughts with each other.

Mahikaa and Myra have grown up now, and they belong to the new generation of kids who are exposed to a lot more. They are confident and cool, do they make you feel cooler? Do they teach you their new-age lingo?
We have conversations about a lot of things. But I tell them that their lingo is rubbish and I have no interest in it. Of course, they look at you like, ‘Oh, you don’t know anything!’ But I turn around and tell them that I know a lot more and I am far cooler than they will ever be (laughs!).

So, when you sit back and look at your family – your two girls who are really close, the way they have grown to love their little brother, and how Gabriella and you relate to them – it all seems like one happy, comfortable, modern family. How do you feel about it? Content?
It’s the best feeling! I feel I should have a few more children (laughs!).

Go on…
God has been kind. Touchwood! It’s not just me, Mehr (Jesia) has done a fabulous job with bringing up the girls so well. So, I feel extremely blessed. Even the rest of my family, my sister, nephews — all of them, we are really close. I value things a lot more now. My kids and my family teach me to value life more each day.

Are you an overprotective dad? How cool and comfortable are you discussing topics like love, relationships, boyfriends, et al, with Mahikaa and Myra?
I think they would be scared in the beginning, but then they would get down to talking about it. Well, they have pranked me with some really terrible stories and they thought I would react differently. But I was very mature and dignified about it and I said... ‘okay, let’s see how we deal with this.’ And they were like, ‘No way, this can’t be your reaction!’ They are my friends and we are open to all kinds of conversations. Today, parenting has changed. The way our parents were with us was different from the way we are with our children. And somewhere, I think, back then, there was a lot of love, but there also was a lot of forced respect. It came out of fear, like how will dad react, aur mummy kya bolegi? Today, children have a lot of exposure, which they have succumbed to as they don’t have a choice. That’s how the world has developed, and if you aren’t part of it, you are considered a freak. So, the best thing to do is to be a friend to your child. To have a child who can trust you wholeheartedly and vice versa is very important.

How did it feel to watch Mahikaa leave the nest to go and pursue her dreams (she is in the UK studying filmmaking)?
For me, it was earth-shattering when she went there. She has always led such a protected life, but she made the transition so gracefully. As parents, we realise that we also need to give them their space. I ask myself, can I trust them? The answer is yes. Are they grounded? Yes, I think they are pretty grounded. It’s fine to go wild and make mistakes; everyone does that. It is part of life and learning. But as parents, you know that you will always have their back and that’s not going to change. The whole world can change, but as a father I will always have my kids’ back and that is the one thing which will never change.

Do you feel settled with Gabriella and love the life and home that you have built with her?
I think she has been a complete blessing in my life. We both met at a time when there was a lot going on in both our lives. There is a saying in one of the series that I recently did, ‘After absolute chaos comes absolute silence.’ I hope we are beyond the chaos levels of our life. Somewhere, I feel we have helped find each other and formed the connect that we have.