In her repertoire of movies, Kirti Kulhari has been seen in a variety of films, however, not every time did she have lengthy screen time. But that doesn’t mean her performance didn’t grab our attention and leave a mark. While she faced her own struggles to create space for herself in Bollywood, it was through the OTT platform that reinstated her faith in her acting career.

In a candid conversation with BT, she talks about a new chapter that she began in her film journey this year, about her separation from husband Saahil Sehgal and how that phase was a liberating experience. Read on. . .

I grew up with the idea of becoming a Bollywood heroine who sings and dances. Only after I stepped into the industry, started doing theatre and watching foreign cinema that my vision widened. So, while I wanted to do the typical Bollywood stuff, I was mesmerized seeing varied content and from thereon, an inner conflict started growing inside me. I wondered if I would get to do such powerful roles here in Bollywood. Every time I was sort of given a choice to make, I did end up choosing the kind of films I actually enjoy watching.

Yes, I did start off with a Khichdi: The Movie (2010), but then I also did a Shaitaan (2011). Not every choice that I made worked commercially and that’s where I kind of lagged behind. If I chose the kind of cinema that I chose and it did commercially well, then I think it would have been easier for me to say, ‘Oh, wow I found my path. This is what I love doing and this is doing well, too’. That way it would have been a win win for everyone. But it didn’t happen that way. Pink (2016) bridged that gap between commercial viability of a film and critical acclaim. It assured me in a way that maybe this is your path. It was at that point that I consciously took a stand and almost became unapologetic about it. I think I have left a mark with almost every film I have been a part of, and I think that is also the reason why when OTT showed up in the country, I was probably among the first names that came to filmmakers’ minds. I never believed that anything you do goes unnoticed. If you have done something well, it will shine no matter what. Along with OTT (Kirti was seen in shows like Four More Shots Please!, Bard Of Blood, Criminal Justice: Behind Closed Doors), I am open to a lot more stuff in Bollywood. But I have come too far to kind of go back and say... Let me just sing and dance in your film.

I think filmmakers have been a little confused over how to cast me for Bollywood films. They are not sure how much I am willing to try in the commercial space. And then, some of the films that I did, didn’t turn out the way they should have, which distanced the filmmakers even more. It happens because Bollywood purely runs on box office. What you get to do, how much you get to do depends upon your box office success, for sure. For me, Uri: The Surgical Strike (2019) and Mission Mangal (2019) changed that in a big way. I believe that there might be filmmakers wanting to work with me, but then factors such as, throwing names (networking and recommendations), commercial viability and the commercial standing of an actor — that persists, and eventually stops them. So, while multiple times, I was at a point where I was losing my faith in the way this whole system works in Bollywood and wondering if my real talent would ever get recognised...it was OTT that reinstated my faith. As I moved along one project after another, I realised the power it holds and the kind of freedom it provides me as an actor.

It came from the fact that people have been taking me seriously and it has strengthened my position in the market. So now, I want to be a part of the storytelling process in a bigger way. I wanted more control. Also, every time I consumed content, I felt certain scenes should have been done in a certain way. So, I thought why not have a first-hand experience instead. The first project that I am co-producing is Nayeka, in which I play an actress and that way I get to essay multiple parts.

My marriage pushed me in a way which has really made me evolve as a person. This whole experience that I have had with Saahil has really made me a better human being. It took a lot of contemplation to come to this decision.

But once I took it, the kind of strength and empowerment I felt is something that I never felt before. It was the toughest decision to make because it had an impact on a lot of people around me. It is liberating for me to stand up for myself. Liberation is all about feeling free to make your own choices to move on in life like you want to. It has, in a way, given me a lot of confidence to take more and more important decisions in my life and just stand up for myself. In that sense, it has been very empowering and very liberating. It has made me a wiser person. Today the views I have on marriage, the advice I can give to men and women about marriage are so different from what I would have had four years ago. So, surely this is the better and the best version of me for the world to see.

I am very open towards love, but is there a need for another? No! There is no need for another, because I have also really understood the idea of selflove. I think coming out of my marriage has also brought me closer to myself and made me connect with myself in ways that I have never before. I am very happy in the space that I am in. There is no need for another, but yes, if there is something out there for me, I would be more than open to it. I love kids in general and I want to do something for kids. There was a time I really loved the idea of being a mother and having my own kid. But the way life has panned out for me, the idea kind of faded away. If you ask me today, I see myself being unmarried and not being a mother for the rest of my life. That is the plan I have for myself for now. Rest, I don’t know what turn life will take, but this is how I see it now.