A celebrity pregnancy may appear very glamorous. You’ve seen me or other actresses in beautiful clothes, professional makeup, posing for magazines with our hair perfectly done, smiling and happy. Maybe you thought to yourself, damn, she is having such an easy pregnancy! But trust me when I say I am as normal as the next person. Whether it is morning sickness or exhaustion, crazy food cravings or the anxiety new moms feel, I have been through it, just like you.

Luckily, my first pregnancy was amazing. Taimur never troubled me in my tummy, although he troubles me now. I didn’t have morning sickness, though I did get a little tired. Those headaches also stopped within the first two months. I was energised, out-and-about, and so very happy. I travelled for a large chunk of my pregnancy. One major highlight was going to Rome. We stood in the Sistine Chapel, in awe of the beautiful frescos up above us. We went to every site, every museum in Rome and Florence. Saif has been an art history student so travelling with him is like a lesson in itself! I partied like crazy too, often going to bed at 3 am. And of course I worked through my pregnancy and finished all my film and brand commitments. In fact, I was on my feet till a day before I delivered Taimur in December 2016. But my experience during my second pregnancy was the opposite. It’s not just me. Many women have drastically different experiences across their pregnancies — everything, from symptoms to cravings, can be poles apart. Maybe it had something to do with my age. I was pregnant with Taimur at 36 and at 40 with Jehangir.

I found out I was pregnant with Jehangir in May 2020, right in the middle of the global Covid pandemic and India’s lockdown. We were all at home in Mumbai, with nowhere to go, feeling a little bit restless and hot, watching the headlines. That summer I got ill for four days — it was sudden, terrible nausea. I instantly knew I was pregnant. We were all thrilled when my test was positive. This pregnancy was worrisome though. I was much less active. And I had an overriding sense of anxiety because of Covid, which I know a million others felt too. But, above all, I was just very sick. I was ridden with exhaustion and low blood pressure pretty much through my whole pregnancy and I had terrible nausea which stretched into the second trimester.

I could write a book on morning sickness! You know that constant feeling of being on the brink of nausea (like acid reflux combined with the urge to vomit)? I had that every single day for the first 17–18 weeks. On some days, the antinausea medication wouldn’t even work. You wouldn’t have wanted to meet me during that time — I was ratty, snappy and constantly belching. I would belch sitting on the sofa in the afternoon even without having had a heavy meal. Let me tell you there is very little glamour in a belching film-star!

Jehangir, by default, was a Cbaby like Taimur. If you’ve had one C, it is very hard to follow up with a natural delivery. I waited till 40 weeks for Jehangir and then opted for a C. I was very uncomfortable in the OT because Jehangir was still very high and thus was pressing on my diaphragm. My back was intensely pressured too.

Having Jehangir during the pandemic meant my parents and sister couldn’t visit me. Saif couldn’t stay with me either. I spent three days in the hospital by myself. Of course I felt alone. I would wear my N95 mask every time a nurse or doctor entered the room, which meant I was often nursing Jehangir with a mask on. It was a strange feeling.

Post both births, I was adrift for the first seven days. It happens to all of us. I don’t think I reacted very well to a Caesarean.

Want a confession? I didn’t think I looked especially attractive during many months of my pregnancy with Jehangir, especially in the first trimester. The baby-making process sucked me of all my energy. I had puffy under-eye dark circles. I also got dry patches on my face. During Taimur’s time, I was younger, more outgoing; I wanted to dress, to wear make-up, to look pretty and to party.

By the last trimester though with both my pregnancies, I didn’t look or feel especially sexy. My stomach was popping out, my thighs had ballooned. The added weight on my legs led to spider veins, and my ankles looked like two balls.

There was a day, shortly after I had Taimur, when I was alone in my room. I undressed for a shower. And I looked at myself in the mirror. Reality hit hard. There I was — scarred, chubby, puffy, tired. I saw the baby bulge, the dark circles, the dressing bandage of my C incision. I cannot describe how I felt. But then when I held Taimur in my arms, I felt like I could do this a million times over.

I had one great shoot through this pregnancy. It was for the Puma campaign in my last trimester. I wore tight clothes and didn’t mind ‘looking fat’. I couldn’t shy away from that. I think the crew was more hesitant than I was. I told them I am not a supermodel. Hey, if you have a fit and active pregnancy and you plan to work out, walk and do yoga, you need those well-fitted and comfortable workout clothes, right? So go ahead! I explicitly asked the company not to ‘touch up’ these photographs. And the pictures came out just great. If my pregnancy weight journey can give even a few women some body goals, I’ll be thrilled.

Edited excerpts from Kareena Kapoor Khan’s Pregnancy Bible with permission from Juggernaut

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I still remember when Kareena and I first talked about our relationship seriously. It was many years ago, a casual evening. We were drinking wine and chatting on the balcony. She said she loved being with me but was worried that her work would suffer if she married and settled down. She was nervous about it. But I saw something in her. I was really surprised that she wasn’t as sure as I was of the future: that she would continue to remain a huge star.

Of course things are pressured for an actress in our industry. How you look is often everything! When we first began our relationship, she was at size zero, shopping in the kids’ section of stores because those were the only things that would fit her. She was doing super well for herself with work, and her appearance played a big part in it. Pregnancies take their toll on your body; it takes you a while to return to shape. Kareena was worried about these things. When we first talked about having children, she even briefly wondered if she should consider a surrogate. But she then realised that everything in life needs your 100%. Once she had made up her mind, she was all in.

I have seen Kareena grow from a highly strung actor (which is good for the job) to a grounded and mature woman. And she has changed as a mother too through her two pregnancies. When she had Taimur, she was very wary of him. She didn’t know how to pick him up, to soothe him. With Jehangir, Kareena is very different, more maternal. She holds Jehangir, calms him, distracts him — she does everything she found hard the first time. It’s almost like she’s become another person. I suppose the lesson is to be patient with yourself.