Vishal Batra, the identical twin of Captain Vikram Batra, PVC, had an emotionally difficult time watching the film Shershaah, starring Sidharth Malhotra and Kiara Advani. The film, directed by Vishnu Varadhan, narrates the story of his braveheart brother who was martyred on the battlefield during the Kargil War, 1999. Talking about the journey of putting this film together, he speaks about the huge void his brother, confidante and friend left behind and more. Excerpts.

It has always been a mixed bag of emotions for me to talk about him. I have been living with those emotions for 22 years. It’s not easy being Vikram’s twin — he was the best brother, confidante and friend. We shared every bit of our life together. It was a moment of pride for my family and me. We wanted every Indian to know his story, to know the man behind the epithet, Shershaah. There hasn’t been a day when we have not spoken about him. And each time we do that, we tend to miss him even more. I’ve contained an emotional havoc inside for years. I had to hold it till the film was over, and let it out somewhere, all alone.

Shabbir Boxwala was the first producer to approach us to make a biopic on my brother. And eventually, Dharma Productions came on board. It was a dream knitted by dad and me in 2015 that we would document my brother’s life. We wanted to put together a book on him which was unveiled in 2018 and make a movie on his life. We wanted to make a film that talks about who Vikram was — his real character, the man behind the title Shershaah, the man inside the uniform. He was a loving Punjabi, who loved to live life kingsize, and typical yaaron ka yaar. He was an amazing sportsperson, too. I was blessed to be his twin. We just told the story to writer Sandeep Shrivastava and the entire team got behind putting the film together. Sidharth, in fact, has had long conversations with me. He didn’t leave any aspect out. I wouldn’t deny that there is about 10-12 per cent cinematic liberty taken in the narrative of the film, but we’re okay with it.

It was not in our hands, and we were more interested in the story and the screenplay. But I clearly remember when we met Sidharth in December 2016, he ended up chatting with my father and me for about three hours. When you engage with someone, you realise certain things about the person. Sidharth is a charismatic boy and a likeable personality and his face does resemble my brother. He is humble and lovable and somewhere when we came back, my father and I thought, ‘Do we need a second choice?’ Subsequently, Sidharth visited our home. He went through all my brother’s things which we have arranged in his museum in the house. He touched and felt everything, as if gauging something. The final choice rested with the producer. When we found out that he is indeed playing Vikram, we were delighted. Sidharth always said that he feels a tremendous sense of responsibility playing Vikram. He wanted to live up to our expectations, and he did.

I met him for what turned out to be the last time on March 9, 1999 when he had returned from his commando training. Vikram and I had both wanted to join the army, but I was not recommended by the board on both occasions. We discussed a movie, Prahaar (1991), which was about commando training. He said the training is several times tougher than what they show in the movies.

The moral of that story was that their life wasn’t easy at all. The last conversations between him and me were four letters from the Kargil war front, dated June 16, June 23, July 2 and the last on July 5. In the letter he wrote about how he did not lose a single officer in his mission. On June 23, he had radioed the message, ‘Yeh dil maange more…’ despite the fact that he was struggling at an altitude of 17000 ft. In his second letter, he assured us that all the men in the troop were taken care of and that has stayed with me forever. He believed in the army and its might. On July 2, he wrote, sensing a rising risk to his life and said that I should take care of mom and dad should something happen to him. He was worried for all of us as much as he was worried for his fellow officers, who were fighting on the battlefield. In the last letter, he left me with his blessings and said that I should hold on to my dreams and keep going. He believed that God will reward me someday. He believed I would do well. He had told me, ‘Kush, dream big and go on’. His words have kept me moving for the last 22 years.

Each time I speak about him, my eyes are moist. No one can fill the void I feel each time I look into the mirror. He did his best on the battlefield, I am doing my best to keep his legacy alive.

She’s a loving person and like a sister to me. I met her on July 2 and on that day, she had told me that they would get married when he comes back. She had asked me, ‘Kush, tu hamari shaadi mein naachega na?’ I had promised her I would. Sharing the news of his demise five days later was extremely painful for me. It was tough on her. Vikram and she were extremely close and what they shared was special.