Kanika Kapoor tested Coronavirus positive in 2020 when she was visiting India from the UK. And she, by her own admission, went through a harrowing time as hate messages targeted the singer and her children. But she stood strong trying her best to protect her kids and parents from the negativity. “It was a difficult phase. I was unwell and on top of that, there was so much hatred. My parents were also under immense pressure. Even though I’m happy it’s over, it has left me shaken,” says Kanika. Now in the United Kingdom with her kids, the singer is trying her best to create a positive environment at home. She talks to us about keeping herself and her kids in a happy place, tackling anxiety, and how the pandemic has brought about a financial uncertainty in life. Excerpts:

This pandemic has made everyone suffer and the kind of uncertainty we all are going through is tough to handle. Two months back, I was performing live, and now it is back to where we were last year. We don’t know when we’ll be able to start working and earning again. So, this financial uncertainty makes me anxious as I have been living off my savings.

I also worry about my musicians who heavily depend on live shows. I am still working from home and creating music, but the musicians who work with me during live shows don’t have that kind of a backup. If we are not getting work and getting paid, how am I suppose to pay them?

Even though things are slightly better in the UK, the news of how things are in India comes across and my kids feel anxious knowing that India is going through a massive second wave. They feel worried about their grandparents who are in Lucknow. Even when I was in India in 2020 and I tested positive, my kids were alone in the UK. It was tough for me to stay away from them for four months worrying about what they must be going through, seeing all this happening to their mother and grandparents. Even now, all the information trickles down to them through social media and they feel anxious about everything going around.

The current situation is such that it is difficult to escape its after-effects. My daughter recently came back from school and asked me why everyone is talking about India, what’s happening there? So, even in their school, children in their peer group are talking about it and it makes a huge impact on the mind of a 10-year-old. So, I try to create a very positive atmosphere at home. I laugh a lot, talk about things we can look forward to once all this is over. All this is needed to lower their anxiety.

At this point in time, I can’t afford to be weak as it will affect my children and parents. So, I put up a brave face in front of them even when I am feeling down and anxious. Even last year, I never let my anxiety and mental trauma show in front of my parents because they themselves were going through a lot. They used to ask me, ‘Tu kis mitti ki bani hai,’ and I would simply laugh it off. But, one thing I have learnt from last year is that we need to support each other, be more understanding and less judgmental about each other. There is a lot of hatred and anger in people. We don’t need it right now.