This International Women's Day, team Times Life celebrates women who live by their rules, make their own and just dare to dare
TIMES LIFE (March 8, 2020)

A woman’s life is a litany of rules: be a lady, be the nurturer, be everything anyone wants her to be – but herself. But each moment, there’s a woman cocking a snook at patriarchy. She breaks free and dares to dare. And just like women – daring comes in different sizes. For some it’s a short haircut, for others, it’s coming out. For a few it’s saying no to a toxic relationship. A short dress, a red lipstick, a late-night stroll – daring is anything that makes you step out of your comfort zone. It’s Meghan Markle refusing Royalty, it’s Jennifer Lopez wearing ‘that’ dress at 50, it’s Greta Thunberg choosing to stay out of school. Closer home, it’s the women of Shaheen Bagh. It’s Mary Kom, who refuses to go quietly in to the night. It’s grand dame Rekha who lives by her rules. It’s the woman sitting next to you in the Metro who steps out to work even though her in-laws object. The woman driving a cab. It’s the girl posting about body stereotypes. And it’s you, who is reading this, because inside all of us there’s a quiet revolution resting. All it takes is one moment, a small step for a woman – but a giant leap for womankind.

This issue celebrates women who have challenged norms in their own little way and are now inspiring others to just break free and say “Why not?” Because the only thing that stops you is ‘you’.

“I won’t say my story is unconventional but it should be celebrated”: Neena Gupta, actor
Why she’s here: At 60, this powerhouse performer is changing rules of how “women her age” should be

I am a regular woman with a mind of my own. I have a problem with the word – “strong” or “bold” or “daring”, which are media constructs. I have seen that a strong woman is often seen as “the bad woman” in India. I have always been called that but in reality, I am vulnerable and honest. So much so that thanks to this tag, I always landed vampish or single woman roles! I had to ask directors for ordinary, gareeb woman roles (laughs).

BEING A SINGLE MOTHER
I am often asked how I managed to be a single parent (to Masaba) at that time. People always ask: “Yeh kaise kiya?” But I tell them that in India, there are so many poor women who are forced to be single mothers. The only difference was that I did it by choice. It was tough and I wanted to do it. But I’d like to point out that it’s one thing to live an independent and free life, it’s another to have a misplaced notion of “independence”. Women have to consider all aspects before taking a decision – especially one that involves family.


“You have to be your own hero”: Taapsee Pannu, actor
Why she’s here: For telling strong female stories and backing it up with sharp talk

Last time, I had written a longish blog for an online portal celebrating women and their success. A lot of women commented, “Every day should be women’s day”. I will simply say, if this day is supposed to mark a change, let’s consider it. A lot still needs to change in the way society looks at a woman. A lot of issues need to be sorted. There is no problem in dedicating a day to mark the beginning of this change. Today, I would want all women to take this pledge: Don’t wait for the police or the government to come and save you. I know we show it in films all the time, but that is not how it happens in reality. You have to be your own hero, be responsible for your own safety.

I have been raising my voice in my own way for years; especially, since I have acquired the status of being a celebrity. I would like to urge other celebs to come forward and do the same. It hasn’t been a rosy road for me. I was once told to slash my remuneration because an actor’s market value had come down. I was thrown out midway from another film because the producer said his previous film bombed and he couldn’t change the hero or cut his pay! But all this comes with the territory. Is this going to alter the way I am or the way I think? No. Frankly, as women in business, you just have to be thick-skinned.


“I was born to take up challenges”: Richa Chadha, actor
Why she’s here: Vocal, opinionated, powerhouse performer, she shakes status quo on and off work

I have an aversion towards these so called “smart” coinages like ‘power women’, ‘strong women’. These words mean nothing. Being a woman is synonymous with being powerful. So, why give it another adjective? I have done many things which typically don’t fall in my comfort zone because I was born to take up challenges. But when I did that stand-up act towards the later half of 2019 – that was really pushing myself. Did I regret it? Hell, no! In today’s day and age, all that matters is how you make yourself heard. The only way to deal with everyday sexism is to speak up – and support women who speak up.


“Dare can also be doing small things differently”: Suzanne Bernert, actor
Why she’s here: A German-born actor, she decided to come to India, learn the language and work here – all after one visit

Women dare to do things differently every day. A dare can be a challenge to do small things in a different way. It’s not just the big things. In my life, I have done quite a lot of ‘daring’ things – like going to auditions at universities at age 14. I was scared yet determined. Then packing up and moving to India to pursue a career here after just one visit and one TV show. How do you dare? Well, you go with the gut feeling. Women in every generation have their own dares. If it scares the hell out of you but also excites you then you should do it. Not blindly or foolishly. Keep your wits.

But you have only this life. You live in your own skin. No one can live your life for you. So you might as well jump!


“I could dare to dream as I was told that dreaming isn’t only for boys”: Sania Mirza, tennis player
Why she’s here: The face of Indian women’s tennis, she questions stereotypes women athletes are subjected to – time and again

The biggest lesson I have learnt is that of equality. My parents have instilled in us the strong fundamental belief that girls can achieve anything. It (our being girls) makes zero difference to them and it shouldn’t make any difference to anyone in the world. There were a lot of people who used to tell my father back then: “You have two girls, no one to carry forward your lineage.” And my answer to them was – I will always be a Mirza because it is something that has been given to me by my parents. And my child will take my surname along with my husband’s name. As my sister and I grew older, we had the freedom to make our decisions. Our parents trusted us enough to give us that independence and respect it. There is no point giving someone the freedom to decide and then telling him/her “Sorry it doesn’t work that way”.

This concept of role division according to gender is alien to me. It was never defined in my house that a man will do this and the woman will do that. My mother was a businesswoman and an equally good homemaker. She never said she wanted to sacrifice her career for raising kids. The same is the case between Shoaib and me. We do whatever comes to us naturally. For instance, I have no interest in cooking while he is a good cook. And we are both not judged for it.


“It takes daring every day to face your fears and anxiety”: Malini Agarwal, entrepreneur
Why she’s here: Single-handedly built an entertainment media brand from a blog

I think the most important thing for any woman is having the courage to believe in herself. Women grow up with less confidence than they should due to social conditioning, unattainable standards of beauty and an unhealthy dose of patriarchy. It takes the courage to push yourself forward, even when you don’t entirely believe in yourself, or when you are afraid you will fail. Being a daring woman doesn’t mean you have to scale mountains. It means giving yourself a chance when you don’t think you have or deserve one. I think my most daring moment came when I decided to up and move to Mumbai in 2000 with nothing to my name – hardly any money in the bank and probably one friend in the city. I suffered (and still suffer)

from crippling stage fright, adult acne and the fear of rejection. Overcoming that has taught me that if you work hard with your heart in the right place, you are bound to succeed.

As told to Nupur Amarnath, Nona Walia, Deebashree Mohanty, Haimanti Mukherjee