Lounging in the living room of her Juhu apartment, Vidya Balan looks as serene as the sea below even as 'Wanted' posters of her are terrifying city kids who believe this woman wanted for the kidnap and murder of her daughter is a threat to them too. That's the reaction she wants for her upcoming Kahaani 2! Four-and-a-half years ago, the original had marked a watershed in her career. Two days before its release, when Vidya was in Dubai for promotions, she learnt she'd bagged the National Award for Silk in Dirty Picture. The day's a blur, what she recalls is that Kahaani opened well and grew, Sunday's collections four times that of Friday's and held even on Monday. “That was unthinkable for a heroine-centric film and suddenly, I was a 'Shero' and the fourth Khan,“ she smiles.

After the high came the fall, five straight hits, then, Ghanchakkar. Vidya was in denial when it failed. Shaadi Ke Side Effects didn't work either and Bobby Jasoos was dismal. “I went through the usual emotions of anger and fear before withdrawing into a shell and trying to figure out what had gone wrong, till I realised that despite the tags, success hadn't been mine alone, so why should I hold myself responsible for the failure?“ she reasons. Epiphany came during an eight-month break which fuelled rumours of a possible pregnancy and an imminent retirement. She laughs away the buzz, saying naysayers have to wait another 50 years for her to retire. The' break' was to take care of niggling heath issues she'd neglected for too long. “Every doctor I visited reiterated that there was nothing clinically wrong with me, all I needed was to take it easy,“ recalls Vidya who having debuted at 26 when most actresses are moving on, put pressure on herself to make up for lost time while trying to make time for her family. “I would take breaks between films, but my mind was always occupied. Finally, I realised I needed to stop being a super woman and just be a woman.“

She stepped out of the arclights to sit at home, catch up on films, shows and reading, till she was ready for action again. Again, isn't she trying to make up for lost time, shooting two films - Kahaani 2 and Begum Jaan - back to back, while prepping up for Aami which rolls in December? She blames the hectic pace on the weather. First, it was the heat, then the rains.

They filmed Kahaani 2 in Chandannagar at the peak of summer (50 degrees Celsius), then moved to Jharkhand for Begum Jaan in mid-June only for the monsoons to arrive a month early. “When it rained, it poured, so we'd wake up at 4 am and turn up on the set, ready and rehearsed, by the time day broke, trying to make the most of the sun. It was tough, with temperatures hovering around 45-46 degrees Celsius. We were drained, some fainted, tempers flared... We tried not to get personal, and those who did would on any set, irrespective of the conditions...haha,“ she says, quick to add that no one forced them to shoot at gunpoint. “But none of us wanted to abandon the shoot for a later date so we all worked overtime to make the film happen in a record 35 days.“

Srijit Mukherjee, she reveals, had come to her with the Bengali original, Rajkahini, but she was on her 'break' then. When he returned with the Hindi remake, she watched the Partition drama revolving around 12 women being pressurised to leave the brothel that's their own after it finds itself in the middle of the LoC, and connected with it instantly.

“From what I've been reading and seeing, nothing much has changed since the Partition and the role helped me give vent to my anger and angst as a woman. Also, even though our bodies define us, a woman still doesn't have first right over it. The film's fight for physical space parallels a woman's fight for right to her own body space,“ she points out, admitting the subject called out to her, in much the same way that Kahaani 2 and Aami did.

The latter is the first biopic she's signed since the Dirty Picture. Interestingly, Vidya would have made her debut with it's director Kamal's Malayalam film had it not stopped midway. She knew little about litterateur Kamala Das, also known as Kamala Surayya and Madhavikutty, apart from the controversy of her converting to Islam at 65 after falling in love with someone from that faith. “I read her autobiography, she intrigued me. I'm still wondering if she was who she's made out to be, pretending to be her or misunderstood, hoping to get some answers at some point during the film,“ she muses.

Aami will be the Malayalam film her parents have wanted her to do for years even though Vidya vowed not to do one, angry and hurt for being unfairly labelled a jinx after Kamal's film was shelved. “But today, I'm a greedy actor who'll go anywhere for a good role. Also, I've realised you can't let one experience put you off an entire industry,“ she argues.

There's a mellowness and maturity to this new Vidya who sits opposite you, stirring only to see her husband off. Buzz is, Siddharth will head his own studio early next year. She will not discuss his business plans, but reveals that they will not work together. It's a choice they made after Ghanchakkar through the making of which she refused to interact with the MD who she was dating. “I wanted to safeguard our relationship, I didn't want any clashes. Ghanchakkar was my first release after marriage and I felt guilty, personalising its failure. Siddharth, more objective, told me it was ridiculous to feel that way. I know that now, but I don't want to put myself in a similar situation again,“ she says.

However, on a personal level, she can't imagine being married to any other man but Siddharth. She points out that no matter how educated or liberated one is, most women, wives in particular, are conditioned to put their spouses before them. “I caught myself doing that too, only for Siddharth to ask me if this was really what I wanted,“ she confides, adding that in the process of making adjustments, one is at the risk of losing oneself in a marriage. “But my husband lets me be me. More than anything else, marriage has taught me to value myself. It's all about do jisms and do jaans being together,“ she smiles.

Mirror (February 11) was the first to report that after wrapping up Srijit Mukherji's Begum Jaan and Sujoy Ghosh's Kahaani sequel Vidya Balan will start filming for the Kamala Das biopic to be directed by Malayalam filmmaker Kamal. She has begun her prep, which includes reading the writer's autobiography and training under Malayalam actress, SreeDhanya to get the diction right. The film will highlight the phase in the controversial poet-litterateur's conversion to Islam at the age of 65 and subsequent change of name to Kamala Surayya to oblige her lover. Kamal reveals that he has fictionalised the character of the lover with Malayali actor Anoop Menon playing Sadiq Ali who will be seen singing two Urdu songs for Kamala Das in the film, penned by veteran lyricist and screenwriter Gulzar.

“Sadiq in the film is an Islamic Urdu scholar and a professor at Delhi's Jamia Millia University. He's into Urdu ghazals and there are two songs about life and romance, penned by Gulzar saab, which he will be singing to Vidya,“ informs Kamal.

When Mirror caught up with Gulzar at the director's master-class on Saturday, a monthly initiative held by Indian Film and Television Directors' Association (IFTDA), the 82-year-old poet-lyricist-writer confirmed the news saying that tabla maestro Zakir Hussain's bother and percussionist Taufiq Qureshi would compose the tracks.

“This Urdu-speaking character who is a ghazal singer and sings Sufiyana impresses Kamala Das and she gets into a relationship with him. Going by the script and the character, I have worked on two compositions,“ says Gulzar, who returns to screenplay writing after 17 years with Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra's Mirzya which marks the acting debuts of Harshvardhan Kapoor and Saiyami Kher.

Prod him on whether he now wants to write more films and he retorts that if someone were to ask him, he might. But he is quick to add that he doesn't want to write anything unless there is something new to talk about and it's a subject worth probing.

Meanwhile, Kamal was to start shooting the biopic from October 5 but the shoot has been pushed forward to October-end to give Vidya time to recover from dengue. “We will start shooting in Kerala first, followed by Mumbai and Kolkata. Kamalaji's children will be on the set for the first few days,“ he concludes.

The first thing that strikes you about Vidya Balan is her smile. There's something infectious about it. In fact, you can sense it even while talking to her during a quick tête-à-tête over the telephone. The actress, who was once compared to the Khan triumvirate - Aamir, Salman and Shah Rukh - after delivering back-to-back hits like The Dirty Picture and Kahaani, ran into professional speed breakers with her consequent films. Even though her performance was appreciated, the movies didn't fare well at the box office as expected. She might have been disheartened, but not shaken. Reports of her being in the family way and battling some health issues only added to her woes. But the lady is made of strong stuff, and resolutely tells us, “If I'm ready to share credit for a film's success, I should share its failure, too.“ The actress, who completes 11 years in Bollywood, excitedly chats with us about Te3n, which releases today. Excerpts...

What prompted you to take up Te3n even though you have a 'pivotal guest appearance' in the movie?
I liked the story, though I realised my role wasn't too long. The makers were offering me a 'special appearance' credit and I was more than happy with it. After all, you want to be a part of a good film. I felt director Ribhu Dasgupta was trying to tell a different story - a thriller in which the central protagonist is a 70-year-old man. It also has a cop who becomes a priest. I had never heard something like this and found it unusual. I liked Ribhu's approach towards the film and the fact that we would be shooting in Kolkata. Moreover, I was getting an opportunity to work with Amitabh Bachchan, besides Sujoy Ghosh and Nawazuddin Siddiqui after Kahaani. Also, I was playing a cop, though I don't wear the uniform in the film. Maybe next time I play a cop, I'll get to wear it. Simply put, I did the movie because I felt like doing it.

Te3n is a remake of a Korean film. What's your take between watching the original vis-à-vis going with the director's vision in the remake?
I know it's an official remake of a Korean film, but I haven't watched it. I went by the script that I had read. If the director was new, whom I wasn't so sure of, then I'd say it's important to watch the original and get an idea of what kind of film he is trying to make. In case of Te3n, I knew Sujoy. The fact that he trusted Ribhu with the film proved that he knew his job well. Once I met Ribhu, I understood how he was planning to make the film.

You started your career with a Bengali film Bhalo Theko and your biggest hit Kahaani was based in Kolkata. What was it like going back to the City of Joy for this one?
It's always amazing. It is like a second home for me. Apart from Mumbai, I have spent maximum amount of time in Kolkata. I love working there. Mumbai is my home, but Kolkata is the home where I work from.

You've worked with Amitabh Bachchan earlier in Eklavya and Paa. He recently said that you remind him of Waheeda Rehman
Working with Amitji is a humbling experience. Everyone wants to act with him and once they do, they want to do so again. What fascinates and intrigues me is that he is so passionate about his job. Even after being in this industry for 46 years, he doesn't take anything for granted. I'm often asked if it's intimidating to work with him. In front of the camera, we would play our respective characters. I would realise only between takes that I was working with Amitabh Bachchan. I wouldn't be laughing and chatting with him then. I'd maintain a little distance and chup chaap jaake baith jaati thi.

Nawazuddin, who was coming into his own when you worked together in Kahaani, was appar ently at the receiving end of your pranks this time around.
During Kahaani, we'd talk quite a bit before the shot. He was new then, but as fabulous as he is now. We met in Kolkata again for Te3n after six years. Abhi toh bahut baatein hui as we were catching up on all that had happened in our lives professionally. It's incredible to see where he has reached in his career! He would never laugh dur ing the scenes and I often told him that I'd make him laugh. Slowly, after seeing me he started loosening up a bit too. What amused me was that Nawaz didn't understand when Sujoy was serious or joking. During this confusion, Sujoy would say something, Nawaz would look bewildered and I would laugh. After big hits like The Dirty Picture and Kahaani, you were heralded as the top actress, akin to the Khans. But Ghanchakkar, Shaadi Ke Side Effects, Bobby Jasoos and Hamari Adhuri Kahani didn't fare as expected though your performances were appreciated.

How tough was it to navigate the lows after the highs?
I go through the emotions. I don't deny them; in fact, I accept them so that I can move on. Highs and lows are a part of every person's life, so it would be ridiculous to assume there would be no lows in my career. You want your films to work, but feel disheartened when something you put so much effort in doesn't fare well. I've been in the industry for 11 years now, so it's not like a flop is any less painful, though the bounce-back period is less. I have learnt one lesson - if I'm ready to share credit for a film's success, I should share its failure, too. When you refer to Vidya Balan as a Khan, you mean 'opening toh lagni hi hai'. But if the film doesn't open well, you go through a myriad of emotions. With time, I have become more transparent. Earlier, I would share my sentiments only with my near and dear ones but now, I don't the feel the need to hide them from anyone. The more transparent I am, the happier I feel. I look at everything positively, even in difficult times because I'm an eternal optimist.

You recently said that you're working harder this year than in your entire career. One doesn't usually hear an actress say that after marriage.
I think that's changing. I don't think marriage has affected my work. I took it slow due to health issues. After everything was sorted, I got back to work in full swing. I found three scripts very exciting. I finished Te3n, followed by Kahaani 2. And I'll start filming Begum Jaan within a week. Later, there is a biopic on Kamala Das.

Earlier, there was a pre-conceived notion in the Hindi film industry that after marriage, an actress is perceived differently. Hence, the kind of roles she gets aren't the same as before. Comment.
Even if you're someone else's wife, extramarital affairs toh ho rahe hai na? That doesn't make any difference. There are no restrictions to see someone else (laughs). Jokes apart, previously actresses would slow down in their careers as they were not comfortable getting inti mate on screen, or their partners were not comfortable. Today, all that is changing. We have actresses whose careers are going steady even after marriage. Now, women in their 50s and 60s are considered desirable. Marriage and childbirth doesn't affect anymore. Now, there's no talk of budhapa even if one turns 80. Age is no longer an impediment, people's mindset is changing.

You have been in the industry for over a decade and are also mar ried to a producer. So, do you have any plans of venturing into filmmaking?
No, I don't think so. I don't have the patience to handle so many people on a film set. Director toh door ki baat hain, main toh producer bhi nahin banoongi. I want people to look after me, I don't want to be the one handling them. I love being in front of the camera and don't see myself doing any thing else as of now.