Sonali Kulkarni was just 16 and waiting to give her first audition in 1992 when an elderly woman looked at her and said, “dark-skinned girls don’t look good on camera”. Despite the humiliation, she stuck around and bagged the lead role. She has since worked in more than 70 Hindi, Marathi and Telugu films, including commercial hits like ‘Dil Chahta Hai’ and critically-acclaimed ones like ‘Doghi’. Kulkarni, who is also a writer and producer, spoke to Neha Bhayana about motherhood and the non-negotiable rules at home
Neha Bhayana (THE TIMES OF INDIA; October 25, 2026)

Your daughter Kaveri is 15. How are you dealing with the eye-rolls, door-slamming, and teen attitude?
I was a bit taken aback initially. I was not used to that confidence and that fire. But after giving it more thought, I realized that she has a right to have her own opinion and to disagree. So, I am not scared of those eye-rolls and door-slamming now. In fact, I like it because I have been there and done that. This is like a replay (laughs). I feel that every teenager will go through this stage, and no parent should try to stop it or make them behave. They are gaining confidence and also assuring themselves that they can have an opinion, which is fantastic. I am happy that Kaveri is a typical teenager right now… It’s not necessary that she’s not listening to me by putting her headphones on, turning around, and showing me her back. Besides, the frequency of “Oh sorry” and “I love you” has increased for sure (laughs).

What’s your trick for getting Kaveri to listen to you?
I think the key is not a trick; it is transparency. I try to be as transparent as possible while communicating with her. I listen to her sensitively and genuinely when she is telling me something. I rarely continue my own work or keep scrolling while she is talking. It’s beautiful to see someone flower in front of you, so it is important to hear what they have to say. Similarly, when I have something to tell, it is her turn to listen to me. There are times when I tell her that something is not good for her. For example, recently some of her friends were getting into hair care routines inspired by social media. So, I had a chat with her about this, and she got the point. A mother’s word is better than online suggestions.

You had given birth to Kaveri in your late 30s. Do mature mothers fare better, or do they face more challenges?
There are challenges, but I don’t think a few years here and there make a difference. The early 20s are a time when mothers are still aspiring professionals, and for them it’s an issue if they need to take a break in their career. It can be a setback in progress. Even though I was surprised when I conceived, I was happy. Incidentally, I was working on three films (‘Singham’, ‘Deool’ and ‘The Good Road’) at that time. I had always wanted to be a mother. I wanted to have many children of my own and adopt as well. As I was in my 30s, I was far more aware and settled. I wanted to have a natural delivery, so I did all the pregnancy workouts and stretches to stay fit, and all went well.

You worked through your pregnancy and even took your newborn to the sets. Is the film industry supportive of new moms? Recently, Deepika Padukone faced backlash for asking for an eight-hour workday. What are your views?
I did work through pregnancy and resumed again when Kaveri was five and a half months old. I think the film industry is filled with empathetic and supportive people. People do pass insensitive remarks if someone has put on weight. Body-shaming is very wrong, and people are waking up to that. It is unfortunate that the discussion of shift hours became such a burning issue. Maybe there was a miscommunication, and a superstar like Deepika will definitely be given everything that she deserves willingly and lovingly.

I believe you had wanted to do B.Ed and teach small kids. Do you like teaching your own daughter too?
Yes, I wanted to get into formal teaching. But I don’t teach my daughter as such. I focus on teaching her life skills. I have the highest respect for teachers who teach her at school. I have my favourite teachers, but I love my mother abundantly. Similarly, I would love Kaveri to meet fantastic teachers in her life, and I want to be there for her too. I teach her things that might seem silly. Recently, on Dussehra, I drew the traditional Saraswati symbol and Apta tree leaves on our blackboard. In the Marathi community, we exchange these leaves as a symbol of gold to wish each other wealth and prosperity. To my surprise, in the evening, Kaveri told me, “Aai, did you see? I have made Saraswati next to your Saraswati.” It was heart-warming. I love teaching her small things, be it rangoli, traffic rules, or civic sense. You don’t have to actually verbalize or demonstrate what you are teaching. You just have to be the person you want them to become. Kids learn by observing.

You have been interviewing children for your new podcast ‘Half Ticket Full Nagrik’. Why did you want to make young voices heard?
I have always wanted to make films for kids. There are not too many Indian movies or plays for kids. And the plays running are dated at times. So, I had been thinking about these things and thought of starting a podcast for kids to start with. I didn’t want to interview celebrity kids, as they get enough attention anyway, not just from the media but from their own parents too. I wanted to talk to kids from different backgrounds and understand what they think, what they feel, and the aspirations they have. I met one girl who was a star student. Then there was a child who had no qualms about religion. He was a Muslim, but he was talking passionately about Diwali and Dahi Handi. There was a girl whose parent is a lesbian, and she was okay with it. The innocence of children interests me. I wish we could protect this innocence and naivety. As we grow and become professional and smart, we lose our naivety. My effort is to conserve that innocence and offer them a protective hand via my podcast.

Modern parents are increasingly taking their kids’ opinions into consideration while making decisions. While some say this is great for the child’s confidence and decision-making skills, others feel this practice has spoilt children. What’s your take?
I love this question. Thank you for asking this. Yes, the opinions are divided. I am of the belief that we needn’t burden the child. You don’t need to ask your child which car we should buy, or whether we should take a farmhouse or not.

Just for the sake of equality, we cannot pressure kids to make choices and make them feel responsible for decisions. Having said that, I have also seen parents not giving their children choices when it comes to selecting their career or the classes they attend. That is wrong. Sometimes, parents change a child’s school for a better board or better opportunities. But is the child asked if they are ready to leave their present friends and face a new community? These are questions we must ask. It’s nice to involve kids in decisions about their lives. Say we have set aside Rs 5000 for their birthday. We can tell the child that and ask them whether they would like to invite friends home or distribute chocolates at school. It’s very important to make the child feel heard.

Colourism and body-shaming are still rampant in our society. How, according to you, can parents teach their kids to be kind, respectful, and not have biases?
It is important to instill in children that colour or body size do not matter and that everyone is beautiful. Somebody’s writing is beautiful, somebody’s singing is beautiful, somebody’s nature is beautiful. But I feel that more than kids, we need to teach adults these things. Kids are going to follow what they see. We have so many ads that say that you are not your colour. It’s so unfortunate that some people still believe that people with lighter complexions are better looking. We have open chats about these things with Kaveri.

Are there any non-negotiable rules in your house?
We must finish whatever is on the plate. We must eat whatever is cooked at home. We are okay to skip a meal or snack (I don’t force food). We also have to help with laying the table, making the bed, and everyone has to wash their own undergarments. So, even if we have a cook or we have help at home, Kaveri takes part in everything. Helping is a way of co-existing. I also feel that kids should know their mother tongue, so I speak in Marathi at home, and I expect answers in Marathi.