When you transition into certain chapters of your life, you become more prudent. Earlier, I was young, restless and ambitious. Even now, I am ambitious, but not in the rat race. I am more content and happier with what I have. When you are younger, you stress about small things. After having a family, priorities change. That’s how we mothers learn to balance our home, professional and personal life.

You go by the book with the first child. You don’t want to do anything wrong. Everything is documented. With the second child, you are at ease and just going with the flow. Besides, both children have such different personalities. You can’t expect the way of raising the first to continue for the second one. I have to be a very different mother with both kids.

Hinaya (9) is very calm, reserved and sensitive, like a ‘girlie girl’. Jovan (4) is very affectionate like me. I also love to express and show affection. Jovan will kiss and hug all the time. Both kids have traits from both parents. At the same time, I want them to carve their own identity. I want Hinaya to be so fearless that she can express her opinion in front of anyone. I want Jovan to be chivalrous, kind and empathetic.

Jovan was born in Mumbai. Hinaya was born in the UK. We never lost touch with our culture. On my birthday, we hosted a Sukhmani Sahib paath. We follow the spiritual path and we are very much in touch with our Hindu roots. But we also celebrate Christmas in a big way. We believe in tooth fairies and all things magical that I was raised with. Our traditions and festivities should not be lost while raising children.

I believe a discipline chart is important. One needs to follow a routine to channelize the energy of children. Having said that, each mother has her own way of raising children. Like in north India, kids usually take bath in the morning, but my children bathe in the evening after a massage. People used to keep asking why I do this and I had to explain that this helps them sleep peacefully. So, there are certain things I follow as per my belief and understanding.

I am quite a strict parent. I don’t give them screen time at all during weekdays. On weekends, they are allowed screens for a short while to watch a movie or something. They don’t get gadgets during meal time either. My kids know rules are rules and they have to follow them, no matter what.

The age gap is a challenge. They have different interests and they fight a lot. Both are very attached to me and want my attention. Even in a flight, both want me to sit next to them. At bedtime, both want extra time with me. It is very hard as a parent to deal with this. Sometimes, I feel I should cut myself in two halves (laughs). But then you love those moments too. It’s all about balancing during such times.

For five years, I never left my daughter alone. She used to accompany me for shoots. Once, I had to leave her for a month. It was very hard and emotional. When I am working, Bhajji is at home with the kids. I feel relieved that one parent is with them. It’s also his time to bond with them. I want the kids to see that their mom is following her dreams and wants to achieve them. Moms should not let their passion or drive diminish. Obviously, I choose and pick what’s important in terms of work.

He is very good with the kids. I know some fathers don’t spend quality time with their kids, but Bhaji is very involved. He likes to bathe the kids, play with them and spend quality time. We both have equal responsibility as parents, and he understands it so well. Kids understand that we both bring different things to the table. Both parents have to be present in the parenting journey to raise confident, secure children.

I am strict and Bhajji is softer. I feel our techniques are different.

I am stricter about routine and discipline. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. The fact that we are on the same page is what matters. As individuals, we may be different people but when it comes to kids we are a team. Kids are very smart these days and they pick up on small things. It’s important for them to understand that parents are ‘one’. It gives them a perspective. It should not be that if mum says no, they can go to papa. It doesn’t work like that.

We do nothing! We don’t step out unless there is something very important. I oil the kids’ hair. We watch a movie, play games and relish aloo parathas. We are typical Punjabis and big foodies.

We make it a point to not over-pamper our children or give them extra luxuries. I know kids who go to school with bodyguards, but I don’t feel the need for that. Our kids lead a normal life and do their own chores. When we go to the UK, they do things themselves as we don’t have a fleet of nannies there and the kids realize that. I want them to be humble, not spoilt. I don’t want them to get everything easily and served on a platter. Wherever we go, there are protocols to follow and the kids are aware of them.

Without Bhajji’s support, I couldn’t have done movies or travelled. Then there’s my sister Ruby. When Bhajji and I have to travel together, then Ruby Maasi is there. My kids are very attached to her. My mom and sister-in-law are also very supportive. It takes a whole family to raise children. Kids also learn to respect elders. Family values are best instilled in a supportive setup.

I want them to feel that mom is their best friend. They should be able to count on me for everything. Of course, the respect should be there. But at the end of the day, I want them to be comfortable with me so that they have my back and I have theirs.