The mom. I think being a parent is the toughest because there are no rules to follow. Each child is different, and each day is different. You wake up and you have no clue how the day is going to pan out. You have to find your way and figure out what suits you and your child the best. We were brought up in a certain way and we feel that’s how we’re going to bring up our kids. But things were very different then. Televisions were not the norm, forget computers. Today, every child is given an iPad or smartphone. It is tough to help kids navigate their life and try to put in the right kind of thoughts and actions into them. I clearly remember when my son was really small, I saw to it that he didn’t have too much sugar, maida or processed food. But when he went to school and everyone else’s dabbas opened, he realized there is so much more available than what mum is giving me. He would bring tiny pieces of his friends’ food and beg me to make them. That’s how it is. I feel that as a parent you are just trying all the time. What works for one child will definitely not work for other kids. So, I think we have to practise bespoke parenting. There is so much trial and error. You have to just figure out whether you can teach your children to make the right choices and pray that they do.

No, I loved it. I started working when I was 17 years old and I wanted to stay home and enjoy my kids. I don't know whether what I did was right or not. I saw a lot of my peers go back to work immediately after having kids. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. But I was very happy sitting at home and looking after them. I enjoyed everyday things and had a lot of fun with them.

Was cooking always a passion? Not at all. I started learning how to cook because I had to feed my kids, and then I realised how much fun it is. I felt the need to learn and understand how things work so I decided to study food. In 2011, I went to the Tante Marie Culinary Academy in London and did a certificate course in culinary, bakery and boulangerie. In 2018, I went to Le Cordon Bleu, Paris and London, and did a diploma in patisserie. Meanwhile, I did a book on food and recipes and did a few food shows on television. People started calling me to do food-related stuff. So, it was a very organic thing. I’m not someone who can plan things. I do what comes to me naturally. I have been writing poetry for a long time too. Whatever comes through in life is what I'm part of.

They did. They loved the risotto I made and there was this one muffin they always wanted. I would hand roll the pasta too, so they were exposed to a lot of different kinds of food.

The teenage phase is way tougher. When moms I meet tell me they want to get back to work, I always ask them how old their child is. I feel when kids are small, they just need to be fed and kept safe and they’re not going to go anywhere. It’s easier to look after them. When they are older, they can look after themselves but there is so much more that you have to stay attuned to. I do go out and work, but I end up calling them more often than when they were little. You have to ask them so much — ‘How was your day? Why are you not looking like your happy self today? What is going on?’ The issues they are dealing with become complex.

I think just getting through. They are going through a lot but unless they tell you exactly what they're going through, you are never going to know. Some things they want to share with their friends and not with you, and I feel that is okay. But they are the same age and navigating the same emotions, so they need a safe place to vent. Schools have introduced counsellors and I think that’s very important.

It does pinch. I missed the cuddles and adoration with which they look at you when they are little. Teens look at you like you don’t even know what you’re talking about (laughs). But I am also happy to have the freedom to do what I like.

I have not yet learnt how to discipline a teen. I have no tricks. Sometimes, I'm successful. Sometimes, I am not. They're 16 and 19. They have a mind of their own. Most of the time, we come to a compromise. Some things I have to let go of. It’s amazing how when we are bringing up our children, we want them to be assertive and vocal but when they enter their teens all that you have wanted them to be suddenly poses problems because they are trying that out on you. So, you are their first guinea pig.

Frankly, I am not the most successful parent while I am navigating their teens. I do make mistakes. But I am always open and willing to go and say, “Listen, I'm really sorry. I think I overreacted. I could have handled this better. Let’s try and figure out how to do this.” I have realized that parents are not perfect. We are also learning. So, I feel it’s okay to say sorry when you've messed up.

I also tell my kids, “You have to live with the choices you make. At the moment, you have a choice to study, to do well, to go ahead, whatever you do. If you don't make that choice and you don't use that, you lose that privilege of education. This period will pass and then you will be the one left behind.” I also remind them that I am older than them and do know a little more. But then they look at me and roll their eyes (laughs).

Before the pandemic, I used to get really upset when they were on the phone for long. But during the lockdowns, we had to give them phones and laptops to attend online school. They were in front of the screen for seven hours daily. After that, it became very difficult to say, “Put your phone away”. The whole system changed. They even had to do assignments online. Now, there is no chance that they don't have a phone and laptop as part of their body. I’m sure that half of their body fluids flow through those things (laughs).

He is a very chilled out dad actually. He is very cool till they really piss him off.

I think disrespect is what really, really upsets him. They are very lovely children but sometimes teens get so adamant. They feel what their parents are telling them is total rubbish and they absolutely have no idea. So, if we feel that something is harmful for them, then Arshad really puts a stop to whatever it is.

But he rarely gets upset because he’s not involved in the nitty-gritties of their everyday lives. He has a different equation with them. He has chats with them about life, work, about basic humanity and all of that. But the fact of the matter is that their everyday life is looked after by me. I am more hands-on which is why I have more altercations with them.

It is the usual stuff. I am after them to pick up their towels or cups or books. Frankly, I actually don't like this role because I also want to have fun with them. But somehow, I am the one who’s constantly telling them this is right and that is wrong. It’s a bit much. Sometimes, I want to let it all go to dust. But then they’re your kids, you don’t do that.

No, there are lots of differences. If I am saying east, he is definitely saying west or north. I have made my peace with this though. I guess we have different approaches to parenting because Arshad grew up in a boarding school and I grew up at home with parents. The kids know the gap, and they sometimes slip in the middle. They are very smart.

We always tell them to be respectful to everyone, to treat everyone well, to be kind and generous. We tell them to not treat someone in a good fashion or a bad fashion depending on who they are and where they come from. They need to treat everyone with love and respect.

I think he was just being funny. Of course, he is not treated like a star at home. Nobody is pulling chairs out for him or rushing for his autograph. That is a given. This is his home and if he does not get treated like a normal dad at home, it would be a cuckoo situation.

I have no clue about what he wants to do. He's in college and he’s studying. He does what any teen does. He goes out, hangs out with friends, sometimes he goes to dance classes, sometimes he is doing some fitness thing. I have always told the kids to do whatever they wish to do, as long as they are happy with it and able to make a living with it. I think he is in that phase where he’s also figuring himself out.

I can’t be their friend. They already have their friends. But they don't have any more parents. So, I am their parent.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m strict about everything. And sometimes I feel I’m strict about nothing. Every day with parenting is different. I just go with the flow. If I don’t, I'll drive myself insane.

I think education matters. More than anything else, it is the discipline of education that really makes a difference. When my kids were younger, they were doing very well. Today, they want to do different things on the side besides their education. I feel that whatever their line of interest, they need to put 300% into that. I've always told them that education is a very big part of life, and it has to be done. You cannot just say I like dancing so I am going to stop everything and just dance. Of course, you can dance, but you also need education. And, education is there for a very small period of time. What you do in school and college shapes you. You may not use that education in the profession you choose later on, but the fact is what you do in those years — with your institute, your friends and your professors — plays a very important role in your life. You get a lot unknowingly; a lot more than your degree or diploma.