It was a personal tragedy — the mysterious death of his fiancée, celebrity manager Disha Salian, after reportedly falling from their 12th-floor flat in Malad, on the intervening night of June 8 and 9, 2020 — that put model-actor Rohan Rai in the spotlight. The unfortunate incident triggered a series of controversies and conspiracy theories, some of which even held him responsible for it. He quit social media and disappeared from the public eye.

Now, after more than two years, he is ready to start afresh. In this interview, he talks about Disha’s sudden death, how his world turned upside down, moving on since then and his friendship with actress Sheen Dass. Excerpts…

I was in Mumbai for a while to complete the police proceedings. Then I left with Disha’s parents for my father’s hometown, Gandhidham, in December 2020 and returned to Mumbai three months later. We wanted to be away from the noise around her demise. People were writing and showing on TV just about anything to grab eyeballs, without realizing how much it affected Disha’s family, mine, and me.

Disha was an extremely sensitive person. Back then, she was quite stressed about work and was under tremendous pressure after two of her deals fell through. She was an animal lover, too, and I remember that her condition was further triggered by the news of a pregnant elephant in Kerala, who had died after eating a pineapple filled with firecrackers on May 27. She was inconsolable. We lived together at her parents’ home in Dadar.

On June 4, I suggested that we go to our apartment in Malad, thinking that a change of environment would help her. In any case, we were planning to shift there after marriage. We were joined by four of our friends to cheer her up. For two-three days, we kept drinking. Disha had mixed her drinks, which she shouldn’t have because it used to leave her in a bad state. Her last call was to her school friend in London. Everything happened within five minutes.

I took the phone from Disha to talk to her friend, while she went to the master bedroom. A few minutes later, I knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Since the door wasn’t locked, I opened it and saw some alcohol spilled over the bed. I assumed that she was changing her clothes in the bathroom and went back. A few minutes later, a friend and I knocked again. On getting no answer, I rushed into the bathroom but she wasn’t there. We searched the entire flat and started getting worried. We once again went inside the master bedroom and started checking the wardrobes as well. By this time, all of us were in a state of panic.

That’s when I noticed that the window in the master bedroom was open. When I looked down from there, I first recognized her pyjamas on the ground. I was zapped and asked my friend, ‘Kya hai yeh?’ I went into denial and started slapping myself. It felt like a bad dream. Then I stood on the parapet thinking that I would also jump. My friends pulled me back.

Soon, the police also arrived. They asked me to remove my clothes to examine my body for any fight marks and also searched the house. Some of our friends rushed Disha to the hospital. The first two hospitals denied entry, and the third one that agreed to admit her declared her dead on arrival.

Back then, I would frequently have anxiety attacks. Disha and I were together for seven years. We lived at her parents’ home in Dadar and had a roka ceremony in 2018. After what happened, it was difficult for me to sleep, but waking up was tougher as everything felt like a bad dream. A lot of people told me that I need to look for an alternative career following the social media backlash. A friend then reminded me that the dream to become an actor wasn’t just mine, even Disha wanted it to happen. It has been difficult to accept that she is no more. About a year ago, I wasn’t even able to talk about it, but I have now realized that I will have to face it. Music is my solace. I play instruments, and that has helped me to recover to an extent.

It was terrifying. I would receive thousands of nasty messages, threats and abuses. My friends also received many crude messages, and they would cry on the phone. I felt helpless and deactivated all my social media handles in September 2020. I rejoined only in May last year. Back then, Sooraj Pancholi’s name also surfaced and it was rumoured that Disha was pregnant with his child. A picture of him with some girls started doing the rounds and some claimed that one of them was Disha, which wasn’t true. All this was happening while we were grieving Disha. I have suffered for no fault of mine.

Disha used to work for an agency and Sushant was one of their clients. She never managed him directly but had worked on two of his ad films at the behest of her colleagues. She had her own set of clients in the agency.

There was a time when I used to do 40 ads in a year. But, in the last two years, I shot just 12 ads and one film. A show on a streaming platform slipped out of my hands and I couldn’t fathom the reason. I didn’t have the courage to ask them either. But when I was dropped from a film, I was shattered and cried. You can’t take away everything from me. Every producer would ask me if I was facing any legal hassle and seek a written undertaking. I then decided to take a year-long break from acting. I have started to work on myself and I am grateful that things have started to fall into place again. I have done a few ad campaigns and have restarted script writing. I have also set up an animal welfare trust along with Disha’s mom.

Absolutely. They are my parents, too. They have loved me like their own son. All of us have faced a terrible loss. Also, Disha’s father has been having a lot of health issues. He is recovering now. I live in our Malad flat, as that was set up by Disha and me. I keep visiting aunty and uncle in Dadar.

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Sheen and I acted together in the TV show Piyaa Albela (2017-2018). We were on cordial terms back then. In October last year, we had a reunion and met again. We share many common interests and during our conversations, I realised that Sheen, too, is passionate about animal welfare. When I told her about Disha’s dream project, she expressed a desire to be a part of it. She even met Disha’s mom during one of the welfare programmes we had organised in September last year. Our friendship grew stronger and it reached a stage where I could speak my heart out about everything that happened. She was the only person whom I could confide in, and the way she has helped me pull myself together, I feel she is Godsend. We are extremely close and are looking forward to a fulfilling companionship.