Deepika Padukone talks about her emotional journey from being scared of getting her heart broken over and over again, to her decision to get married to Ranveer Singh and then finally understanding that life is all about figuring it out as one goes along...
Anuradha Choudhary (TIMES LIFE; January 26, 2019)

Have we moved away from the notion that marital status of an actress affects the box-office?
Let’s hope so. Everyone is married. Does that mean that the industry comes to a standstill? Does that mean we have no girls left? I guess, previously it was the person’s choice more than box-office diktats. Probably, they were exhausted and just wanted to live life and nurture their families. But I’m sure the millennial woman doesn’t feel like that. When you don’t feel like that, it won’t be that way.

Are there any changes in you after marriage?
I’m a lot more grounded. I feel secure, I feel protected. When you’re in a relationship, there’s still a lot of nerves; you’re still unsure no matter how long you’ve been dating. I guess, the terms boyfriend and girlfriend sound frivolous. Somewhere, it doesn’t carry that weight as marriage does. Today, when we look at each other, there’s a sense of responsibility.

Is it just a mental switch?
The way Ranveer held my hand on the day we got married was different from the way he used to hold it earlier. Or maybe it was just a switch in my head. There’s a sense of responsibility, which I can’t explain. Now everything we do is ‘us’. Not to say that in marriage you should forget your individuality and independence. But it’s also nice to know that today I share a home with someone. Even if he’s busy promoting his film, he comes back late at night. When you’re in a relationship it’s different. We didn’t want to live together and then see if we wanted to marry each other or not. We’re both traditional in that sense. Of course, as boyfriend and girlfriend you stay over, you go for holidays together but we used to come back and go to our own homes. We were clear that we’d start living together after marriage and figure life as we go along. Or else where’s the beauty in the discovery? So now we’re figuring things out. Like I’m figuring out his routine. I call him in the evening to check how his day is going and what time he’s coming home, what he will have for dinner… All of this is great.

Elaborate on this pleasure of living together after marriage...
It’s beautiful... living together. I’m sure cynics will say you’ve just gotten married to him, wait for 15 years or 25 years. We’ll figure it out then. For now, it’s the best feeling in the world. I looked forward to living together because I moved out of home at a young age to start working. I craved for my family. When we were dating, it was about spending time with his family or going to Bangalore to be with my parents. I’d crave that quality time where you wake up in the morning and have someone to talk to while having breakfast. For the last 15 years, I was alone.

Ranveer mentioned earlier while he was ready for marriage, you took time. What took you so long to decide?
It was not about him. It was about whether I was ready to commit to a relationship. Because I’d been in several relationships before, and many times my trust was broken. When I met Ranveer, I was exhausted. I had been constantly in and out of relationships. I just wanted to be alone for some time. I’ve never casually dated anyone. I’ve been in relationships since I was 13. (Grins) Now that I’m married, I can say this. Whether it was one year, two years or three years, they were always proper relationships. It was always if you like someone, you give it your 100 per cent.

So when this relationship, which I was in ended in 2012, I was like ‘I’m done’. I wanted to try out casual dating. I just did not want to be answerable to anyone. When Ranveer and I met in 2012, I told him, ‘I realise there’s a connection between us. I really like you but I want to keep it open. I don’t want to commit. If I get attracted to different people I’m going to do my thing’. But nothing happened. I couldn’t get myself to do any of that. At the same time, I did not emotionally invest in this relationship. But now when I look back, six months into it I was pretty much emotionally invested in us. I was never unsure about him. We got engaged four years ago. Only his parents and my parents and our respective sisters knew about it.

Right after you Priyanka Chopra got married. What do you have to say about that?
She’s also someone, who has craved stability in a relationship. I don’t know Nick (Jonas) that well but you can tell that she feels settled. Whatever little I know of her, I know these things were important to her. Like to find love, to find a person who gives it his all, who gives the stability you look for in a relationship. She has craved it. I’m thrilled she’s found it. It’s been a rollercoaster for her as well.

You’ve topped the list of 50 sexiest Asian women. Do these tags mean anything to you?
Honestly, no. I don’t mean I’m not happy when I see my name there but my life’s not defined by it. Sexuality and sensuality need to be embraced. We tend to believe it’s a wrong tag to be associated with. But it’s not just physical. It’s the mind, the spirit, it’s your personality...

Your trust was broken multiple times. Did it turn you cynical?
Yes, it did. But marriage has changed it. When you give your 100 per cent to a relationship and your heart is broken not once, but repeatedly, it scars you for life. It has a negative impact on your later relationships. It was difficult for Ranveer, who had to deal with it. The only reason we have come out of it successfully is because of him. I didn’t give up on the idea of love but I had my insecurities. You start doubting even a genuine action of the other person; because you’re so scared it’s going to happen to you again. It has taken a lot of effort on his part and a lot of counselling sessions on my part to understand that every person and every relationship is different. I had to make Ranveer understand that I was reacting in that manner because of certain incidents that happened in my life. He was extremely patient with me through all my doubts, my insecurities. He constantly reassured me.