Madhureeta Mukherjee (BOMBAY TIMES; December 16, 2018)

She’s a fighter. She started out in this industry from ground zero — raw and unprepared. She fought the odds, worked doubly hard to make up for her weaknesses and kept going. Never letting success get to her head, or failure break her heart. Yes, matters of her heart have drawn unwavering attention for long, but now, she’s in a new zone, alone and unafraid. A big difference from being ‘lonely’. And in this space, Katrina Kaif is taking her time to sharpen her focus and look at life through a set of new, untainted lens. Upbeat about her next release Zero, directed by Aanand L Rai, she dives deep into a conversation with us, where she reveals that she’s as curious about exploring the unknown, as she’s fearless about her choices in life. The girl’s caught your attention, now read on...

In Zero, you are playing an actress and a complete diva. Did you draw some inferences from your real life for the part?
The fact that I am an actress in reality doesn’t have any bearing on the character that I am portraying on screen. In fact, to me, it was irrelevant. The process is more about constructing a character from the inside. I have been discussing the movie with Aanand sir since its conception, that’s more than two-and-a-half years ago. We spoke so much about the character that I created a bank of information and details about it. There are some films that come to me instinctively, or let’s say that the process is seamless, and then there are some films, which require a lot of thought. Earlier, I didn’t have any set approach; now, it is different. Also, Aanand sir was clear about what he didn’t want, hence, that helped me find the path for what he did want. He was sure that the way I am as a person is not what my character Babita is in Zero. In the film, if Babita is deeply sad in a scene, she overcompensates for what she is feeling and pitches it in another way, probably by being boisterous and loud. To me, that was very fascinating. That is how we are as humans and this is what makes us so interesting. Some people do that for themselves, some people do it for effect, in order to give a different impression. Babita does it to fool herself. I have seen people like that. We all know people who do ridiculous and outrageous things for effect, and I find this trait in them very interesting.

You seem to have delved deep into your character, Babita, but you have also expressed that you totally loved Anushka’s part in the film and wished to play it, too…
I loved it and cried because I didn’t get to play that character. I’ve been with the story from the start and have seen it develop into the story it is now. So, you obviously get attached to some characters, like I did with Anushka’s part. I am at a point in my life, where I’m instinctively drawn towards situations and places that I haven’t been in before — personally and professionally. It’s not a cultivated process; it has happened naturally. For some people, it happens early on, and for some, it takes a while. We worked on Babita’s character more than we thought we would. More than it being challenging, it was not a happy or upbeat place to go back to. You are anyway trying to keep up and be in a happy space in your personal life, then, when you go on set, you have to go back and step into that zone. It’s not easy.

In 2012, you worked with Anushka in Jab Tak Hai Jaan, where you had a few scenes together. In Zero, you apparently don’t have any scenes together, but it seems that the two of you share a warm equation with each other.
In Zero, we didn’t have scenes together, but I am enjoying promoting the film with her. Anushka and I are different in many ways, but we also have certain inner qualities which are similar. We are not best friends and don’t chat for long periods of time, but there is a lot of comfort and respect for each other. She is a very straight-forward person and I like the way she has handled herself in this industry. I understand where it comes from.

You never spoke about your relationship or your break-up. But you have taken it all in your stride positively, and seem to be in a good space. Did it come after a lot of introspection? Do you think that sometimes, we need space and alone time to get in touch with our deepest emotions?
It is complicated. It’s not like I feel that I have reached any particular place, which is good, bad or in-between. It is about the process of understanding why we feel alone and why we feel that void in our life, and gradually, getting comfortable with that. There are a lot of people who feel afraid of being alone. For me, it was the most unusual thing. My life was always extremely full — whether it was sleeping with my four sisters in one room while growing up, or later on, having close friends around me. Then, you come to a moment where there is a lot of silence around you. At work, there is always noise, but when you come home there is silence. At first, that is terrifying. For me finding peace with that was a process. Once the fear and terror of being alone fades, then, a window opens where a lot of things in life look far more beautiful. If I view life through a dirty pair of glasses, then everything that I see will be tainted, right? If you see something from the face of fear, nothing looks nice and the world doesn’t hold much charm. It doesn’t mean that I have found all my answers in life. I have not found any, in fact, that journey of finding answers will probably go on till the end of one’s life. Once you understand and face your fear, there comes a point when you don’t feel that fear anymore. You still have the desire to have certain things in your life, but at least, the desire comes from a fearless place and that makes it more beautiful.

What do you fear the most?
It will be hard for me to point that out, but like I just mentioned, the main thing that I feel I had to face, is something I did recently. At work, I would like not to get stuck in any space. I hope that I get the opportunities and chances to do different things, in different spaces. I’ve been super fortunate in my career and have enjoyed everything that I have done so far. I’ve had a good time 95 per cent of the time; I think that’s a huge percentage of my work life. Now, learning something new at work, which adds another dimension to my life, is what fulfils me.

Like you said, you’ve been fortunate and have seen a lot of success in life. On the flip side, you’ve had your share of failures and faced criticism, too. How do you cope with that and move on?
If you have worked really hard on a film and it fails, yes, it breaks your heart. There have been couple of times in my life, where I did not work very hard as I should have. In those cases, the failure didn’t hurt as much. As an actor, you have to work in the right direction; if you don’t do that, it is pointless. The few times that I felt I didn’t work, is when I didn’t move in a certain direction. I was working hard at other things, but it had nothing to do with work. Those experiences were quite meaningless to me, and honestly, there wasn’t much to take away from them.

But do you regret some of those choices and blame yourself for having made them?
With all their vulnerabilities and fears, I feel that everybody makes the best choice they could have made at the time they made it. You can go back and say, ‘Damn, I shouldn’t have done this’. But I will tell you, if you have given something your best, and then it fails, it hurts, but not for too long. It’s because you know you gave it your best shot, what else could you have done?

Your sister Isabelle’s launch in Bollywood has been in the news for a while. Are you keenly awaiting her entry into showbiz?
I am very excited about her launch. Well, whenever we talk about it, I realise that over the years, so much has changed in the industry. The way things are now is quite different from the way it was when I had started out. Today, there are so many different avenues for actors. In her case, she is trained in Western classical dance and has learnt acting from Lee Strasberg Theatre and Film Institute. In fact, she’s got all the training that I never had. I have a lot of hope and belief that people will like her and there will be space for her in this industry.