Subhash K Jha (DNA; May 18, 2017)

The Central Board Of Film Certification (CBFC) is gearing up for one of its biggest challenges in recent times. How to certify the beachwear-infested populace of Baywatch?

Says a source close to the censor board, “It is a duvidha, a dharm sankat that beats all recent dilemmas. How do we grade the bikini festival in Baywatch? Guidelines clearly indicate that unnecessary nudity must be curbed. A lot of the Baywatch fans are under-age kids. In our films a big deal is made of bikini shots. Blame the producers for making the bikini look like a phenomenal happening.”

However, how “unnecessary” is the oomph in Baywatch? Says the source, “We can’t curb nudity when it is projected on the beachside. We would object if girls in bikinis were shown in a discotheque or in a dining room. But how do we curtail the skin exposure when the entire film is by the beachside?”