Sharmila Tagore watches over 300 short films as a jury member of the Lockdown Film Festival
Letty Mariam Abraham (MID-DAY; July 9, 2020)

"I'd rather binge-read than binge-watch," chuckles Sharmila Tagore, taking us by surprise. After all, in the past few weeks, the veteran has done more than her fair share of viewing as a jury member of the Lockdown Film Festival. The festival is an initiative of Carrot Films, which partnered with the National Film Development Corporation of India (NFDC) to stream the chosen 20 films on its homegrown OTT platform, Cinemas of India.

As part of the 12-member jury, Tagore enjoyed "a diverse and delectable treat" as she watched over 300 short films. "I was amazed to see the level of competency. The films were so engaging — some had humour, others were cynical. Some brought out the claustrophobia and the mental stress [that is brought on by] the lockdown while others beautifully dwelled on the positive aspects. I enjoyed the inventive ways of storytelling with limited resources and time."

The selection of short films was based on several categories, including plot, ability to tell a complete story in three minutes, acting, and technical expertise like direction, cinematography and editing. Choosing 20 best offerings from the hundreds of entries is no mean feat.

Tagore explains that the decision was democratic. "We had a few [virtual] meetings and our different points of view were discussed threadbare and settled democratically until we reached a consensus. Everyone's voice was heard and we didn't have any problem," states the veteran, who shared the responsibilities with Aparna Sen, Ratna Pathak Shah, Adil Hussain, among others.

When not performing jury duties, Tagore is keeping busy by taking classes on Greek and Roman poetry and literature. "I have also utilised this time to revisit many of my old favourite films, including Out of Africa [1985] and The Lunchbox [2013]. I also watched The English Game, Jojo Rabbit [2019], and Ford v Ferrari [2019]."

Nine from Bollywood write letter on anti-CAA protests; In the letter, that was read out in Delhi by Swara Bhasker and Zeeshan Ayyub, they asked for a judicial inquiry into “the loss of life and limb and damage to property”
BOMBAY TIMES (December 28, 2019)

Declaring that they don’t support any form of violence and vandalism, a group of people from the film industry on Thursday asked for an independent judicial probe into the violence against anti-CAA protesters in Uttar Pradesh. The appeal to the courts was read out at a press conference in Delhi by Swara Bhasker and Mohammed Zeeshan Ayyub.

Stating that they “do not endorse or support any form of violence or vandalism — much less any damage to public property. We, in fact, condemn it and believe that if anyone has engaged in violence, they must be booked under relevant laws and subjected to due legal process,” the group said the “sacred right” of citizens to protest peacefully had been violated in the state. The letter — signed by Anurag Kashyap, Vikramaditya Motwane, Aparna Sen, Alankrita Shrivastava, Kubbra Sait, Mallika Dua, Konkona Sen Sharma, Ayyub and Bhasker — urged Indian courts “to take suo motu cognizance of what has ensued in UP and request that a judicial inquiry be instituted into the loss of life and limb and damage to property.”

The letter says, “The CAA itself, as a legislation, has sparked contrasting views. But irrespective of one’s views on the merits of the law, there is something more fundamental that all of us agree on, in line with India’s constitutional values — the right of citizens to protest peacefully; the duty of the state to respond proportionately, within the framework of law; and the ultimate role of courts in determining guilt and punishment.”

The signatories to the letter said they believe that all these principles have been undermined in Uttar Pradesh, largely because of the excesses of the government. “The fundamental rights to life and liberty, free speech, free movement, and association are also under great jeopardy in the state,” the letter alleged. The signatories said they were “deeply disturbed” by the scale of deaths in the state, reportedly due to police firing and the excessive use of force, which, they believe, is largely targeted at one community. “...Media reports refer to 18 deaths in UP, mostly due to bullet injuries... There is reason to believe that the procedure was not followed,” the letter stated, adding that the administration was not following prescribed standard operating procedures while dealing with protests. “We condemn the killings, and call for justice for all victims immediately,” the appeal read out by Bhasker and Ayyub said. While Bhasker read out the appeal in English, Ayyub did so in Hindi.

When Swara was asked about her views on the “300 police personnel who were severely injured during the UP protests,” she replied, “I am not sure where your data is coming from. So I am not sure if I should believe the numbers that you are giving. As we have said in our statement that we do not condone any kind of violence. So if the protesters in UP pelted stones, then it was wrong. But the action against them should be taken as per the law.” Another question that was asked repeatedly at the press conference was why the three Khans — Salman, Shah Rukh and Aamir — who are icons for millions, are not commenting on the issue. To which, Zeeshan replied, “I have talked about this before... There were about 2 lakh people in Kota who were protesting, about 1.5 lakh people on road during the Mumbai protests, toh ye sawal unn sabko badha chota dikhata hai. Why are you taking this in a different direction? Bollywood important nahi hai iss time, yakeen maniye.”

Shyam Benegal defends his stance as FIR lodged against 50 personalities, including Anurag, Konkona, Aparna Sen, for their open letter to Modi over mob lynching
Sonil Dedhia (MID-DAY; October 5, 2019)

"How are we maligning the Prime Minister by writing a letter to him," questions Shyam Benegal, shocked at the recent turn of events. On Thursday, an FIR was lodged in Muzaffarpur, Bihar, against 50 celebrities — including Anurag Kashyap, Aparna Sen, Konkona Sen Sharma, Mani Ratnam and Benegal — for having written an open letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi in June, expressing their concern over the rampant incidents of mob lynching. The case was lodged after an order was passed by Chief Judicial Magistrate Surya Kant Tiwari on a petition filed by Bihar advocate Sudhir Kumar Ojha. In his petition, Ojha stated that the letter "tarnished the image of the country and undermined the performance of the prime minister" besides "supporting secessionist tendencies".

Benegal is appalled that their attempt at a dialogue with the prime minister has been coloured by negativity. "The PM is the foremost public figure of our country, and we never made any personal comment. We live in a democracy, and freedom of speech is a constitutional right. We voiced out [a problem] that we thought needed the prime minister's attention."

When mid-day reached out to Sen, she termed the FIR — that was lodged under sections of the Indian Penal Code, including those relating to sedition, hurting religious feelings and insulting with an intent to provoke breach of peace — as "blatantly ridiculous". "Our letter had nothing that can be misconstrued as anti-national, seditious or one that maligns anyone. It was a politely written letter, appealing to the prime minister to stop lynchings because we thought that minorities, including Hindu Dalits, need to be protected. We are within our rights to say this to our elected prime minister."

The letter appealed that the lynching of "Muslims, Dalits and other minorities must be stopped immediately." It emphasised the need for strong action from Modi. "You have criticised lynchings in parliament, but that is not enough. We feel that such offences should be declared non-bailable," it read.

THE TIMES OF INDIA (September 22, 2019)

Kolkata: Zoya Akhtar’s ‘Gully Boy’, featuring Ranveer Singh as an aspiring rapper, has been selected as India’s official entry in the International Feature Film category at the Oscars this year, the Film Federation of India (FFI) announced on Saturday.

Director Aparna Sen, who chaired the jury, made the announcement in Kolkata in presence of other members, who were chosen by the FFI.

“The process was democratic. We took a long time and discussed the films threadbare. Each person was asked to write down three films in order of preference. After that we took a vote; we discussed the films and then we arrived at one film finally, and that is ‘Gully Boy’. The energy of the film was infectious. It will speak to the audience,” Sen said.

Initially, 28 films were in contest. One Gujarati movie, ‘Chaal Jeevi Laiye!’, was disqualified, hence, the number came down to 27. The screenings started in Kolkata. “The selection of the Ranveer Singh-Alia Bhatt-starrer is a very good choice. We are thankful to jury members for having done the job meticulously,” said FFI president Firdausul Hasan.

Gully Boy, produced by Ritesh Sidhwani and Farhan Akhtar, features an up-and-coming rapper who sets out to achieve his dream by rhyming about his life on the Mumbai streets.

“Gully Boy has been selected as India's official entry to the 92nd Oscar Awards. #apnatimeaayega. Thank you to the film federation and congratulations #Zoya @kagtireema @ritesh_sid @RanveerOfficial @aliaa08 @SiddhantChturvD @kalkikanmani & cast, crew and hip hop crew,” he wrote.

Deepali Singh (DNA; June 9, 2019)

If you take a glance at Konkona Sen Sharma’s filmography, one thing that is evident is that the actress has rarely ever done a role for the heck of it. Early on in her career, she received the National Award for her role in Mr. and Mrs. Iyer (2002), growing from strength to strength in movies such as Page 3 (2005), Omkara (2006), Life In A...Metro (2007), Wake Up Sid (2009), Talvar (2015) and Lipstick Under My Burkha (2017). Many of her critically-acclaimed films, however, are not mainstream and the actor-director tells us that it’s not something she strived for anyway. “Due to my upbringing (she is acclaimed filmmaker-actress Aparna Sen’s daughter) and sensibilities, I didn’t relate to the bulk of the mainstream cinema being produced when I was growing up. It’s not something I identified with, so it’s not something I could see myself having a place in. I was also not somebody who really wanted to act. I wanted to direct. So, it was not like I was seeking a certain acceptance within mainstream cinema to begin with,” she says. That said, the National Award-winning actress has done an interesting mix of movies from across genres and languages. “There are a few that were a gamble and did not work,” she admits, adding that she has done around 45 films, some of them not so good. “So, the thought is to take chances and try out a few things,” says the 39-year-old.

Her role in Tanuja Chandra’s short film, A Monsoon Date, in which she plays a transperson, is certainly in keeping with that thought. Konkona tells us that she was excited about the prospect of understanding the journey one takes to becoming another gender. Over to Koko, as she’s fondly called...

Were there any apprehensions in your mind before taking on this role?
None whatsoever. I just wondered what the process is, what the journey is from being born a certain gender to becoming a different gender. But also, the script does not really dwell on that so much. This is after she is already a woman. Initially, Tanuja just told me the premise and I thought it was exciting. Then when she gave me the script, there was no doubt in my mind about doing it.

Was there any mental prep required for it?
I wanted to get to know the character better, so I did some research. I also spoke to screenwriter Gazal Dhaliwal (a transwoman herself) to find out about her experiences, what surgeries she had and the counselling she may have underwent, and try to build background for the character. It was helpful to know where she was coming from.

Why do you think stories related to gender and sexuality need to be told?
There are several reasons. We don’t live in a primitive society any more. Many of us are lucky enough to be educated. We also realise that gender and sexuality is a spectrum. Not everybody is exactly the same, and superficially, we are all different in different ways. The common thread is the humanity that binds us.

Stories like these also tell us that love can happen to anyone, it doesn’t matter if you’re male, female, rich or poor, Hindu or Muslim. This quest for love, the losses that come along the way, these are things that all of us face, but there is hardly any representation of this section in our media, in our culture. I feel that’s a big problem because all of us contribute to society. There are only certain kinds of people who are shown falling in love. It’s by and large always heterosexual, it is either thin or fair people. It’s not like that in the real world. In fact, it gives us another perspective. People are so scared to show their feelings when they are in love and so insecure about being accepted and loved for who they are. Here is this woman who has so much at stake and she is so brave. Her courage can really be inspiring. It makes us understand our world and ourselves better.

You are part of Seema Pahwa’s Pind Daan and Alankrita Shrivastava’s Dolly Kitty Aur Woh Chamakte Sitare. Tell us a bit about those films.
I was offered these two fantastic gems by these two fantastic women. And I’m so excited I got to play these two interesting women. They are not run-of-the-mill characters at all.

Your directorial debut A Death In The Gunj was critically acclaimed. Are you working on something next?
I don’t want to make a film for the sake of it. I’m cooking something, let’s see what happens. If I can’t, I won’t because I don’t have to. Unless I think I can manage to make something decent, I won’t.


Konkona Sen Sharma in A Monson Date

Avinash Lohana (MUMBAI MIRROR; February 20, 2019)

After collaborating with Indra Kumar on five films, starting with Mohabbat (1985), and more than a dozen with Madhuri Dixit, the last being Rajkumar Santoshi’s Pukar (2000), Anil Kapoor reunites with the duo for Total Dhamaal. And while he admits that nothing has really changed with them, he did something new this time in the film which surprised even his family.

“I played a Gujarati for the first time with help from Indu ji who is one himself, and attended a workshop to play the part convincingly. My family thought I’d lost it, doing workshops for an Indra Kumar film as if I was prepping for Christopher Nolan or Steven Spielberg,” guffaws Anil, admitting that after diving into it, he realised it wasn’t an easy role to play despite the laughs.

CGI was also relatively new for the actor. “I’ve done a lot of stuff on the blue screen earlier, but not so extensively. This was another first for me,” he acknowledges, pointing out that he had worked with most of his coactors, except for Riteish Deshmukh and Arshad Warsi. He will be reuniting with Arshad for Anees Bazmee’s Pagalpanti. “I leave for London to start shooting on Friday,” he informs, looking forward to meeting John Abraham, his Welcome Back co-star, and Mubarakan co-star Ileana D’Cruz. “Ileana is a lovely girl. Also, this film is true to the Anees Bazmee-style which is unique, like a Manmohan Desai or Prakash Mehra film. A total masala entertainer, it should be a lot of fun,” he beams.

In the last few years, Anil has done a lot of out-and-out comedies. He admits that he has enjoyed the genre, situational comedies in particular, since the beginning of his career. “While out-and-out comedies are fairly recent, my earlier films, including Mr India and Woh Saat Din had a lot of laughs. Padmini (Kolhapure), Nilu Phule and I had a great time shooting for the latter,” he reminisces.

Anil also reminds you that he had worked with Hrishikesh Mukherjee in Jhooth Bole Kauwa Kaate and had done Chameli Ki Shaadi with Basu Chatterjee at a time when out-and-out comedies weren’t the trend. “I am a huge admirer of these directors and wanted to work with all of them. I even begged Mrinal Sen and Aparna Sen to cast me, another mainstream star may not have done it, but I wanted to learn from them,” he explains.

The actor also believes that age can’t restrict one from doing a comedy, citing the examples of American actors Ben Stiller and Steve Martin from the 1991 comedy Father of the Bride. “It’s not easy to make people laugh, but you can get away with it with the right timing,” Anil avers.

Speaking of Mr India, buzz is a sequel is in the works. “We haven’t cracked a story yet. I’m a part of several franchises, but I’m not making a sequel for the heck of it, ditto for Boney (producer-brother Boney Kapoor). Also, both Sriji (co-star Sridevi) and Amrish Puri saab are irreplaceable,” he reasons.

Meanwhile, he is gearing up for the Abhinav Bindra biopic, in which his son Harsh Varrdhan will play the titular role while he essays the Olympian shooter’s father Apjit Bindra. “The script is still being worked on, we’ve seen two-three drafts but are still waiting for the right one which will make everyone happy. The film requires a lot of workshops which we will start once the final script is locked,” says Anil.

The third instalment of the Race franchise failed to impress. Anil begs to differ, saying, “It did pretty well. When I did Part Two, some said it was not like the original, by the time we reached the third instalment, they were saying ‘after the success of one and two’. I promise you whenever we make Race 4, they will say ‘after the success of one, two, three’.”

Anil who so far has been answering every question candidly, clams up when asked about the Hindi adaptations of American shows Prison Break and Modern Family that he had announced. He doesn’t wish to talk before it’s time. He also refuses to divulge details on the next season of 24. “We will talk about it when the time is right,” he signs off. 

Nandita Das, who featured in the filmmaker’s last directorial, Amar Bhuvan, on why he threw away most of his awards
Jayatri Nag (MUMBAI MIRROR; January 2, 2019)

“My Baba (father) thought it was a huge task to organise his awards. So, he threw them all away… it was out of absolute laziness,” Kunal Sen told Mirror as people from various walks of life assembled in front of his father, legendary filmmaker Mrinal Sen’s Deshapriya Park residence in South Kolkata on Tuesday. Kunal informed that the auteur, who passed away at 95 on December 30, had lived in the house from 1968 to 1980.

Indian People’s Theatre Association (IPTA), known as the oldest organisation of theatre activists in India of which Sen was a member, had recently expressed eagerness to build a museum with his memorabilia, including film scripts, books, props and awards. Sen is said to have won at least 10 international and 27 national awards, including Dadasaheb Phalke, the highest film honour in the country.

Nandita Das, who played the lead in Sen’s last directorial, Amar Bhuvan (2002) echoed the sentiment, pointing out that there was a lot to learn from the filmmaker’s personal items. “Mrinal da believed in simple living and was not attached to things. That is why he could throw away his awards. I have been coming to his house for 20 years but there was no change in his way of living,” the actress-filmmaker said, adding that in November 2017, she had visited the filmmaker with her son. “He held on to my hands and I showed him pictures of a film festival I had just attended. With a childlike innocence, he told me that he was not invited to the event.”

Several other luminaries joined Sen’s final journey, including actress-filmmaker Aparna Sen, actor Prosenjit Chatterjee, yesteryear actresses Mamta Shankar and Madhabi Chatterjee, poet Shankho Ghosh, actress and Parliamentarian Rupa Ganguly, filmmaker Srijit Mukherji, politicians Shyamol Chakrabarty and Sujan Chakrabarty, among others.

“He was my father’s friend. I knew him before coming to the film industry,” said a grieving Aparna Sen, while Satyajit Ray’s filmmaker son, Sandip, who was also in attendance, added, “He had immense knowledge of world cinema, was multi-faceted and knew so many forms of art. I think his films should be revived and screened.”

Zinia Sen (BOMBAY TIMES; November 12, 2018)

Veteran actress Waheeda Rehman, who recently attended the 24th Kolkata International Film Festival, talked about the cinema that she has been a part of, her highs and lows and the on-going #MeToo movement. Excerpts:

You visited Kolkata on invite from filmmaker-restorer-archivist Shivendra Singh Dungarpur, who is holding a film restoration workshop. Are there films of yours that you don’t get to see anymore?
Honestly, main apni filmein zyada dekhti nahin hoon. Whenever they air on TV, I’m only correcting myself. There’s no end to improving yourself. Having said that, if the prints of Pyaasa and Guide (below) get damaged, I’ll be disappointed. Yeh do mere favourite films rahe hain. Hala ki, Pyaasa was not about my character. I was a beginner, I was just there. I had a couple of songs, but it was Guru Dutt’s movie. Then in Guide, my dancing was exploited. People came to know that I could dance, too. I was told, ‘All South heroines say they can dance. You don’t give the feeling that you are a dancer’. I was like, ‘Why is that? If you are a dancer, should you be dancing all the time?’ Pyaasa gave the impression that I was very serious. When Guide happened, I told Dev Anand, ‘I am doing so many movies, serious movies… but this justifies my dancing’. I played a dancer.

You made it to IFFI, Goa, not so long ago as a recipient of the Centenary Award for Indian Film Personality and though this is your first visit to KIFF, films fests are not unknown territory for you. At a time when film festivals around the world are either pulling the plug or changing format, do you feel fests are becoming redundant?
Personally, I think it’s good to have international film fests. That way, we can come closer to cinema in different countries. Emotions all over the world are the same… pyaar, mohabbat, gussa, nafrat… but how each country deals with it is interesting.

You’d already made a name for yourself in the Hindi film industry when you came on board for Satyajit Ray’s Bengali film Abhijan (1962). What made you choose the film?
Jab Abhijan ka offer aya, Mr Ray was already on the world map. I had seen Pather Panchali and loved his work. I was thrilled to get the offer. I immediately said yes. I didn’t know the story and I was like, ‘Unhone bulaya toh kuchh toh hoga hi’. I went to Kolkata though I said I don’t know Bengali. Mr Ray told me that the character could speak Bihari, Bhojpuri, Hindi and Bengali and offered to record the dialogues.

After Lamhe, you took a 12-year break. Was it because of the lack of good roles?
I used to live in Bengaluru with my husband. My children went to a boarding school in Kodaikanal. Kaam karne wale hamesha kuchh na kuchh karna chahte hai, so I started a line of breakfast cereal. I was content and happy. Yash Chopra ji ke saath maine paanch filmein ki. He used to call me with a lot of affection, I would often think, okay let me do one with him. I gave a gap as nothing interesting was coming. Then, I shifted back to Mumbai as my husband was not well. That’s when the offer of Om Jai Jagdish (2002) came my way. I wasn’t too keen, but my husband died suddenly. Everyone around me said I should be working.

After that, you did 15 Park Avenue with Aparna Sen…
Aparna ne phone kiya. Shabana (Azmi) is close to me and if I remember correctly, she called up to say, ‘Waheeda ji kar lo’. I had met Aparna through Shabana. I saw Mr & Mrs Iyer and Chowringhee and admire her work.

A lot of women-oriented films, that are close to real life, are dominating Bollywood. Do you see a change?
I feel very good to see the diverse subjects today. There are simple, small films. Not many are thinking of making films on a grand scale like Manmohan Desai. If a star joins the cast, that becomes an add-on. Mulk, Badhaai Ho, Andhadhun and Raazi did so well. I am so happy. Earlier, the notion was that the lead cast had to be shown as lovers, bhai, behen, miyan-biwi, woh sab kuchh nahin. Down South, the audience is very liberal. I see that coming to Bollywood now.

What do you feel about the ongoing #MeToo movement?
Back in our days, women would only work in two departments — hair and costumes. When I made a comeback in 2002, I suddenly saw a lot of girls. There were women ADs, editors, sound recordists and art designers on set... they started talking about their problems. Mere waqt ke jo log the woh bahut sharif the. That time a change was happening and the industry was giving out the message that people from respectable families could work here. #MeToo is happening everywhere. But people like to read about celebs and that’s a problem.

MID-DAY (February 23, 2018)

National Award-winning filmmaker Aparna Sen yesterday said that though there are several women directors now, some of them like Farah Khan play by patriarchal rules to become successful.

Sen believes women directors are “confident enough in their own skin to critique their woman characters” but there are some who play by the rules. “You have women filmmakers who have a male gaze. They play according to the rules of the patriarchal system and make a success of it. For instance, Farah Khan, who makes predominantly mainstream films, has a distinct male gaze, except that she has a tongue firmly planted in her cheek while playing the macho game,” Sen said while delivering the keynote address at the fourth edition of the Gateway LitFest in Mumbai.

Sen, who made her acting debut with Satyajit Ray’s Teen Kanya (1961), went on to establish herself as a successful director with acclaimed films such as Paroma (1984), Paromitar Ek Din (2000), Mr and Mrs Iyer (2002), 15 Park Avenue (2006) and Iti Mrinalini (2011). The veteran said the question is not really about gender as all true artistes are androgynous by nature. “Male filmmakers only need to tap their female selves in order to develop their female gaze as many great filmmakers have done. But why is it important to do so? Because the world has been run by aggressive males and landed itself in a fine mess. It is time that the female gaze made its presence felt both in cinema and in a world that’s been driven by intolerance, greed, hate and lust.”

She said gentler and more inclusive films should be made where multiple voices can be heard. Sen also said that sex is still a taboo and “patriarchy is so deeply entrenched” that even today the audience has a problem with a woman exercising her sexual choice or expressing her sexual desires. “If we look at the depiction of sex, the male filmmakers will usually have the man in the role of an aggressor while the woman will remain passive. It will take an Alankrita Srivastava (Lipstick Under My Burkha, 2017) to show women’s sexual desires in a way every woman can identify with. A filmmaker can have a female gaze while having a male protagonist,” Sen said.

“That’s the thing about today’s female filmmakers. They are confident enough in their own skin to critique their woman characters. They are perfectly comfortable in empathising with their male characters when need be,” she added.

Recalling her own experience of turning director with her National Award-winning 36 Chowringhee Lane (1981), the director said there were not many women directors when she started off. “I had little to go by when I embarked on my lonely journey in 1980, except for films made by some exceptionally talented men like Satyajit Ray, Ritwik Ghatak and Mrinal Sen from my own native Bengal, G Arvindam and Adoor Gopalakrishnan from Kerala and Girish Kasaravalli in Karnataka to name a few. Filmmakers that I had worked with as an actor during my stint in mainstream Bengali cinema were far from encouraging. One of them asked me, ‘I hear you’re planning to direct a film’? ‘Yes dada,’ I said. ‘Story by?’ ‘Me dada,’ I replied. ‘And screenplay?’ ‘Also by me,’ I said. ‘Very brave’, he said, which was meant to be sarcastic,” she said without naming the director.

Shabana Azmi (MUMBAI MIRROR; February 5, 2018)

I’ve always been told that I can hold a tune. In fact, my father (Kaifi Azmi) was really keen that I take up singing in earnest and today I feel guilty that this was one desire of his that I didn’t fulfi l. I remained a bathroom singer and sang in an IPTA play or two.

Over several films in which I’ve played a singer, I’ve enjoyed the process of lip-synching, but Morning Raga was an altogether different challenge. Rajiv Menon, the film’s DoP (Director of Photography) was pretty scornful of Mahesh Dattani’s choice of me to play Swarnalata, convinced that only a South Indian could play a Carnatic singer. Mercifully I didn’t know this or I would have been even more terrified!

Javed (husband Javed Akhtar) who really pushes me hard, told me that unless I could sing the long ‘swarams’ in one shot, there was no point in doing the film. I was a Member of Parliament those days and the young violinist in the film who plays my friend Ranjani Ramakrishnan, agreed to tutor me. She was very gentle with me and worked out a system which was unique. I relate to words so the notes ‘sa sa ri sa ri sa sa sa ri sa da’ became easier when she made me think of it as ‘sari sari sa’ because that was familiar. But Carnatic music is very different from Hindustani music and I had never heard it except in passing. It has a very strong grammar with mathematical equations and I really struggled hard. I would come back from Parliament and sit with Ranjani for three-four hours, then, throw up my hands in frustration and stomp out of the room, saying, “I’m never going to be able to do this. I’m going to ring up Mahesh and ask him to cast someone else!” Miraculously, the next morning, when I woke up, I would get it absolutely right and would sail into Ranjani’s room singing loudly and she would clasp my hands in delight. It was entirely due to her efforts that in 18 sittings I learnt the songs.

I was however terrified on the day we were to shoot “Maha Ganapatim” and went to the set feeling like a lamb being taken to the slaughterhouse. Ranjani was nervous too although she tried hard to hide it. It was as much her test as it was mine. After the first shot Rajiv Menon shouted from behind the camera, “That’s amazing!” And it was like a burst of oxygen -- I knew his mother is a Carnatic singer and to receive this validation from him was supreme!

But the main test was the final song “Thaye Yashoda.” Perizaad (Zorabian) and I would rehearse loudly in my room and Prakash (Kovelamudi) would join us with the violin he had practised for weeks. The three of us would make such a mess of everything that I actually saw young Ranjani sprout a few grey hairs out of sheer terror. To top it all, Javed was on the phone every day, enquiring if I had made any progress. I used to have my earphones on all the time. I sleepwalked through the acting part, obsessed with getting the ‘swarams’ right. Finally the big day arrived. It worked out to everybody’s satisfaction. I owe it entirely to Ranjani that I passed this test too.

When the film released I got a call of appreciation from Pandit Ravi Shankar. I was over the moon and pinched myself hard to check if I was dreaming. Then Shankar Mahadevan, Alka Yagnik, Anup Jalota called… The calls kept coming and I was overwhelmed!

A decade later, Aparna Sen who had heard me singing casually over the years, announced firmly that she was going to have me sing two songs of Rabindranath Tagore in her English film Sonata. I begged to be excused but she said the film was being made largely for the festival circuit and it was unacceptable to have playback. Finally I relented and said I’d try. She sent me the songs by Rezwana Choudhury, the Bangladeshi singer with a divine voice. I was in Chicago shooting for Signature Move and didn’t get any time to practice. But on the long flight back home, I put on my earphones and sang loudly, oblivious to the amused reactions of my co-passengers.

I was back on September 3 and the recording was scheduled for the 11th. I was shooting for my TV series Amma at the time and it was pure madness! Then, along came this Bengali beauty, singer Sharoni Sen. Her mother was a friend of Aparna’s and she had generously offered to tutor me. I took to her immediately. She dresses beautifully in cotton saris and has a Zen-like presence. She is much younger than me but she has infinite patience and is the perfect teacher. She explained the nuances of Rabindra Sangeet and made me fall in love with the music. She was a true guru but after the recording I knew instinctively that I’d just missed the mark and was deeply disappointed.

Sharoni wrote me a very beautiful letter trying to take away my sense of failure, but my husband was on my back again. “Arre manzil se ek qadam door ho… haar kaise maan sakti ho? Record it again!” Javed thundered. I kept saying there was no time because we had to leave for the shoot… And I kept cringing. After I returned from the shooting and we were dubbing, I requested that I record the song again and Aparna kindly agreed, perhaps because she realised how miserable I was feeling. Sharoni was with me in the studio, coaxing, cajoling and pushing. Finally it was done. It gives one a sense of achievement when effort and hard work pays off. But ask me to cut a disc and the butterflies in my stomach become as large as elephants. Na re baba na!

—The author is an award-winning actress and activist