Varun: The level of difficulty changes every few months. When we were kids, we were busy giving grief to our parents. So, by the time I realized that my father was right, I had a son who thought that his father was wrong (laughs). But, in all seriousness, you learn as the years pass by. The child starts from where he cannot even communicate what he’s feeling, and reaches a point where he is probably communicating to others and hiding from parents. So, the scenarios keep changing, and not for once can you just let things pass. It doesn’t get easier.

Rajeshwari: Make friends with his friends, so you get information from the other side (laughs). Honestly, there is nothing one can do. How much do you let go? How much do you hold on to? Times have changed. Not that we didn’t give our parents a hard time. They must have had their own challenges. But I feel that earlier, children were allowed to make more mistakes. Times were more forgiving. Now, everything you do is under a scanner. You can tell your children that mistakes are what you learn from, but you can’t make some mistakes these days because they might never leave you. Today, when a child tries something, somebody has photographed him, the internet has caught that moment, and it has gone viral. And then it stays with the child forever. So, while I completely understand what teens are going through, I tell my son, please don’t try doing this anywhere because people are not so kind anymore. People don’t have that much patience with allowing kids to grow up.

You can just hope that your child will come and tell you everything that’s happening in his life, which they obviously don’t. They go through their peer pressures and stress of trying to fit in. As parents, we are trying to handle this in the best possible way, like trying to be open about things so that he can come and talk to us.

Varun: The situation has changed so much that we can’t say what is right and what is wrong. If there was Instagram and YouTube in our time too, then we could have compared. At that time, the problem was that kids were out playing till 11 pm. Now, kids spend all their time inside and with screens. One big difference is that these days, kids ki kutaai nahi hoti jaise humari hoti thi (kids don’t get beaten up the way we used to).

Rajeshwari: Nahi hum gentle wentle nahi hai. Ek aadh to mera haath chal hi jaata hai and baccha theek hi hai mera (We are not gentle. I give a whack or two sometimes and my child is fine). People can hate me for this, but I am not gentle. The fact is you can’t always spare (the rod). Sometimes, kids do such things that make us want to give one tight one.

Varun: Do you know how dogs discipline their kids? They bite their child’s ear. Wolves too. Even animals have their boundaries and ways of keeping their kids in check. Pehle toh maarte hue agar maa ki chudi toot jaati to aur zyada pitai hoti thi ki dekh teri wajah se chudi toot gayi. Ek samay aise aaya ki pitaai isliye hoti thi ki tujhe maara aur tujhe fark hi nahi padta. (If mom’s bangle would break while whacking us, she would hit us more. There was a time when she would beat us because the beatings made no difference to us).

Rajeshwari: We are going to be trolled after this interview! Yes, yes, we know you are not supposed to raise your hand on your children.

Varun: My mother now simply declares that she was a bad mother.

Rajeshwari: (laughs) Oh yeah. My mother-in-law is so different as a grandmom. She has given good whacks to her son, but if I happen to even raise my voice while talking to my son, she does not like it. I am not allowed to scold him. My father is the same. Unka free hand chalta tha hum logo pe (he used to freely whack us), but if he sees us reprimand our son, he will go like “Arre, he is growing, it is ok. He is exploring.”

Varun: We were also exploring but we didn’t get excused.

Rajeshwari: No, I don’t think it’s an excuse. Even we had our hormonal changes, but there was a certain speed at which we were growing up and consuming information. Depending on the pace at which you watch what you’re watching, your brain also goes on an overdrive. I’m sure everything around your hormones is also going on an overdrive. So, there must be some truth to it. I’m sure even in our times, our parents did understand that there are hormonal issues. Maybe we took that one step ahead. These kids may be taking four steps ahead. I feel the more we allow our children to be sensitive to things and people around them, things will somehow stay in line. Fortunately, so far, our son is occupied by a lot of things and there’s not much time for tantrums. Let’s see how it goes.

Varun: It is very close. When you see the show, you realize that there are so many issues that kids face. They are handling relationships, friendships and trying to fit in. They are trying to understand how to grow up. One can relate to it.

Rajeshwari: The pressure is there no doubt. In our time, no one scored 99%. If someone got first class, halwa was made at home. We considered 65% wow and if someone got distinction, it was like an engineer is born. So, this trend of perfect scores is a bit difficult to handle. But our son is very happy with whatever marks he gets. We don’t stress about grades too much, but the fact is that if you have to cross the sea, then you have to make efforts towards that. One cannot be sitting idle and saying, “Oh, it doesn’t matter at all.” It will matter because the world is moving a certain way. But is that the only way to do it? Is there a way to work around it, so that there is less stress? Maybe the child is good at other things? Yes, we do look at that. If he ever says, “There is an exam tomorrow, so I won’t play today,” I tell him he has to go down and get some fresh air and work his lungs a bit. One has to balance.

Varun: He does discuss our performances and talks to us in his new lingo: “You’re good, dad. I liked it.” But he is neither a fan nor a critic, I would say. He’s still trying to understand how it works. I can tell you that from my own experience. There was this one particular character that my father (journalist and actor Vishwa Mohan Badola) played on stage, where there was a lot of singing involved. My father was a very good singer, but I never gave it a thought. But when he was older, someone else played that character. He was an equally good singer, but the difference that I saw in the performance was huge. That day, I realized that it is not just about the singing, it is about how you approach the character. We tend to take our parents for granted. It was probably late in my teens that I realized that what my father brings to the table is very different.

Out of all the shows that I’ve written (as a dialogue writer), Devagya has seen only one and that’s because Raj (Rajeshwari) was in it. He is 16 now, so we have allowed him to watch some adult content, but not everything. I figured he must have learned more profanities in school than what the shows have anyway.

Rajeshwari: One basic rule in the house (if my son reads this, he will say, “Okay, now I understand”) is that we communicate and arrive at decisions together. It is never just ‘my decision’ or ‘his decision’. We have mutual respect. If at all, we have different opinions we come to a point where we say, let’s do this and see.

Rajeshwari: Honestly, we can’t change things much. We used to get money for ice-cream only on the last day of exams. We can’t do this. There are ads every second tempting our kids. Everything is so accessible. But if my son asks for something big, he has to wait for it. There has to be an occasion or a reason. Of course, sometimes we have to agree, but sometimes I tell him that I don’t want to spend money on this at this point of time. Then, he has to wait six months or so to get it. I have realized the importance of making your child wait or they will never have patience for other things in life. You never know whether they will get everything that they desire instantly, so they should learn to be patient.

My father had this interesting practice. If we were out and we asked him to buy us something, he would say, “You like it...wonderful. But let’s go home and after two days if you still want it, then we will go to buy it. But if the desire dies down and you are not thinking about it, we will not buy it.” I learnt the lesson and it stands true for me even today. Sometimes, one wants to just hit the like button and buy something, but if you wait for a couple of days, you realize you don’t really need it. I try to do the same with my son. Whether I succeed or not, only time will tell.