Postpartum depression is personal and unique to each person. The degrees are different, the experience is singular. It’s one of those experiences that unless you’ve been through it, there is actually no way of understanding what it is and what it does to you.

I’m only eight months postpartum so I’m in the throes of adapting to this new life, new body, new soul and new me. I am observing myself, trying to be conscious of how I’m feeling about it emotionally and physically and more importantly, I haven’t isolated myself.

I’ve leaned on family, friends and hired help in this period to deal with this 360-degree spin and new life experience that childbirth and postpartum are.

I had read about postpartum depression during pregnancy and spoken to friends who had severe cases. So had my husband Fahad. In theory we knew what it was and we thought we were prepared to face it. But when the postpartum blues hit me; it was still something I had to learn to cope with.

For the first 40-45 days, I would just start weeping every day at sundown or the minute Fahad and I got a moment alone. Once that improved, I started having awful thoughts and terrible fears about my baby and her safety. I’d be oversensitive and swung between highs and lows.

It didn’t help that Israel began its genocide of Gaza just two weeks after I’d given birth. So during my entire postpartum those images of babies being massacred that were there on social media stayed with me. Watching the genocide unfold live on our devices while I was learning to parent my own baby impacted me in a very fundamental way.

I felt lost and disconnected with my old self. I spoke to my therapist but what really left a deep impression was speaking to other new mothers who had been through postpartum depression. Friends who are mothers became my go-to advisers and single girlfriends became the people I spoke to and met when I wanted to feel like my old self again.

What has also helped is my support system in my family. Fahad has been my partner, friend, and witness through this whole process. My mother was our constant companion and adviser. We made sure that we read and watched the same things during pregnancy. Fahad or my mom were at every doctor’s appointment. They were both in the labour room with me and for the last eight months they have been my constants as I’ve learnt to become a mother to my baby girl.

In fact, Fahad has been my greatest comfort through my postpartum depression and I’ve been able to talk to him about everything I feel without guilt or shame or fear of judgement. My parents have been our rocks and I stayed at my parents’ house for seven months even after my delivery because they were my safe space.

I’ve been in therapy since 2020 and I can’t recommend it enough to everyone. Therapy has helped me through heartbreaks and low phases. It also helped me immensely in our relationship and Fahad jokes that it’s rubbing off on him too! As I negotiate my way through this new phase, therapy is helping me make sense of my postpartum life as well.

Postpartum depression is real, talk to those you trust. Lean on them. Don’t be afraid or shy to seek professional help. This too shall pass and always remember, it’s not your fault!