Years after his son Siddharth died by suicide, actor Kabir Bedi has opened up about the loss, saying it “emotionally devastated” him and left him with a lot of guilt.

Siddharth, 26, died by suicide in 1997. In a recent interview about his memoir, Stories I Must Tell, Bedi said, “I have had my share of ups and downs, bankruptcy and mistakes which I have written in the book. I suffered great losses due to bad investments. All of this happened when my son was dealing with schizophrenia. I tried to prevent my son from committing suicide but I couldn’t and I felt guilty.”

The topic came up when the veteran actor was discussing how he wanted to write about his failures as well as successes in his autobiography. Speaking at an Aaj Tak event, Bedi revealed how he had to rebuild himself after the challenging times: “At the same time, I went through financial disasters. I would go to auditions and did not know what to do. I lost a lot of work due to that. I was emotionally devastated and from there how I built myself again is all a part of my journey.”

Siddharth was Bedi’s son with first wife Protima, a classical dancer. He studied at Carnegie Mellon University (USA) in the 1990s and was later diagnosed with schizophrenia.