Perhaps one of the first Indian actresses to play a transgender person — Kuckoo in Sacred Games — on screen, the role won Kubbra Sait a lot of praise. While most thought her decision to essay that role courageous, the actress-writer has been a fighter right from her childhood. She is not the kind who fits in the conventional Bollywood mould, but that doesn’t stop her. She continues to explore interesting roles across mediums. In an exclusive conversation with Bombay Times, Kubbra, who has been seen in films like Jawaani Jaaneman and Dolly Kitty Aur Woh Chamakte Sitare, opened up about getting bullied in school and the trauma she suffered because of it.

The actress said, “The world looks at you from a very superficial perspective. They assume everything is fine. You are only fine when you acknowledge that you haven’t been fine at some point. I have had a complicated relationship with my mother. Back then, I didn’t realise that it was complicated. You don’t realise how the simple act of gratitude can become so overbearing sometimes. As a child, when you are put in a situation or surrounded by energies that shame you or shove you into a dark corner, it takes a long time to come out of it. When you are eight or nine, you don’t know how to tackle it, but I had a support system around me that ensured I never felt alone. Sometimes that’s all you need. You don’t want to feel alone. Today when I look back, I am grateful.”

Explaining what caused the trauma, she shared, “When you are young, you don’t realise that you are being bullied. My name is Kubbra, but I was called Cobra. My hair is curly, so I was called Medusa. I have never allowed anyone to body-shame me, but I was bullied in school because of the colour of my eyes. Today I probably won’t meet someone for a second date if they haven’t already complimented my eyes during our first date (laughs!). I didn’t embrace my name for the longest time. I would have changed it long back if I had a choice. Only when I looked up the meaning, which means the great one, did I understand the energy my name gave me. All these realisations came to me over a period of time. You come out of it when you grow. I didn’t want to be suppressed.”