I’ve been working in the film industry for the last five years in various roles. The #MeToo movement really shook me because I am a survivor too. In 2020, while designing an intimacy exercise during an actors’ workshop, I came across this job role. It was bizarre that we had nothing like it in India, so I got in touch with Amanda Blumenthal, who is the founder of the Intimacy Professionals Association in the US and enrolled in a course with her.

I first sit with the director to understand his or her vision, the theme and mood. I then talk to actors about their boundaries, what is okay to touch and not touch, and whether they have any traumas. In India, there are cultural and social boundaries, involving partners or families or an image the actor has. The idea is to choreograph a scene which tells the director’s story but doesn’t flout the actors’ boundaries.

The camaraderie between the actors is important so there are trust-building workshops. When an intimacy coordinator choreographs a scene, it’s practically like a dance. You know where your hands and legs are going to be, you rehearse it and then perform it. The dry rehearsals help us understand what will happen in the scene, what actors will wear, the space they will shoot in, and what kind of modesty garments are needed if there is nudity. There are barriers which are placed above and between genitals which make the actor feel comfortable and safe.

They have the right to reverse consent. It’s pretty much the same as consent in relationships. You are getting remunerated, but you still have the right to say no because consent is reversible.

People think we are like the sex police. Others joke that I get paid to watch people have sex or that I’ve seen everyone naked.

I often say that a costume designer has seen far more people naked than I have. Another major misconception is that an intimacy coordinator is a prude who will kill sexual chemistry. But what I’m doing a lot of the time is working against how prudish my directors are and telling them that a particular scene or kiss could be more steamy since it’s within the actors’ boundaries. I’m always trying to push for scenes to be delivered in the best, natural-looking but sexy way.

I haven’t had that much pushback but one common excuse is that actors don’t have the time to meet me or for rehearsals. Such things happen when people don’t understand the process and why we do what we do. We have to ask actors questions without the director present, look at contracts and ensure that all the performers are comfortable with each other. The idea of these conversations is to bring everyone on the same page.

We are moving towards best protocols and international standards regarding sexual harassment prevention and redressal, especially when it comes to larger studios. But though some big actors have a no kissing and no nudity clause, there are no guidelines on paper. I am trying to create a document with global guidelines adapted to India’s cultural context, which will work like a rule-book for how intimacy on screen is supposed to function. However, I feel a lot of directors are overcorrecting as they want to stay as far away from anything that could be construed as sexual harassment, and writers are becoming less imaginative with scenes. Gender balance has gone for a toss as people are scared, and it was already 1:10 even before this.

One was a marital rape scene, which wasn’t difficult physically but emotionally. My solution was playing music to ease everyone’s nerves. Another one involved two straight men playing gay parts. It is far harder to do intimate scenes with men than women. In fact, a heterosexual man is the most difficult person to do an intimacy scene with. Their machismo does not allow them to accept boundaries and trauma in their own lives. Also, they don’t understand arousal non-concordance, which is when you can get aroused even if you don’t have sex with another person. It is just your body reacting to stimulus and that is why we have barriers.