Renuka Vyavahare (BOMBAY TIMES; February 6, 2019)

Esha Gupta is visibly shaken. Despite trying to put on a brave front, she breaks into tears as she speaks about being labelled a ‘racist’. The actress has faced a massive backlash on social media for sharing a screenshot of her WhatsApp conversation with a friend on Instagram stories a week ago, which had some unsavoury comments on Arsenal’s Nigerian footballer Alexander Iwobi. In the conversation, Esha’s friend called Iwobi “gorilla faced” and said “evolution stopped for him.” Esha replied, “Haha... I don’t know why they don’t bench him more.”

The actress is being trolled for laughing at the comments, this despite being perceived as the club’s ambassador in India. Esha immediately deleted the screenshot and apologised on Twitter, stating, “Guys I am sorry you thought it was racist. Was bad on my part, being a sports lover. Sorry guys, forgive the stupidity. It was our frustration during the game. Sorry as I didn't realise it directed towards racism. We laughed over the spur of the moment which was the game results. I have been the victim of racism before. This is not something I am proud of. It was a fault. Sorry guys!” The apology invited further trouble for the actress as her words, ‘you thought it was racist’, didn’t go down well with those calling out the evident racism.

Meanwhile, Arsenal has condemned the incident in a statement and clarified that Esha is not the official club ambassador. It read, “This person is not an official club ambassador and we totally condemn racist language of this nature, which has no place in our game or society. As a club, we work hard to break down barriers and ensure everyone feels part of the Arsenal family.”

The actress rushed to Mumbai from Delhi, where she was tending to her ailing mother and in an emotional chat with Bombay Times, she introspects on the situation and why the backlash has deeply affected her. Excerpts...

What transpired in that conversation with your friend?
The Arsenal game was on and the frustration of it was being discussed on a group chat on WhatsApp. We all do it when we watch a crucial game in any sport. Even while watching cricket, we say things like, ‘Kya yaar, dhang se khel.” My friends were saying something, I was laughing at it because we were discussing other things, too. The only thing that I wrote was, “Why don’t they bench him?” I am very passionate about sports and Arsenal has been my life.

You didn’t make the ‘gorilla’ and ‘Neanderthal’ comment, but you laughed at it. Isn’t that as bad as partaking in the name calling?
I didn’t make those comments. I mentioned the benching. My mistake was the ‘haha’, but honestly, when you are discussing hundred things on a group chat while the game is on, you don’t tend to read each and every comment that’s written. It was all about the frustration of the game, and my ‘haha’ was in response to that emotion.

Call it dumbness, ignorance or me not thinking it through, it was a spur of the moment reaction. I really didn’t know the repercussions that the word (gorilla) could spark. In India when we use the term (monkey for instance), we don’t look at it as a derogatory word. Bandar toh hum masti mein bol dete hai. In a playful way we say things like, “Yeh toh bandar lag raha hai.” It’s never used as a cuss word. If I have to abuse someone, I’ll perhaps use a Punjabi gaali. No one ever uses (Gorilla) as a gaali. I really didn’t know that (it has a racial slur). When the backlash began, at that time I didn’t know, ke log kis baat pe bhadak rahe hai. So my first reaction was ‘sorry if you thought it was racist’.

Don’t you think the situation needed a better worded apology? It seemed half-hearted.
You write better worded apologies if there’s even remotely something in your heart that tells you that you may have done something wrong. It was a spontaneous tweet. If I had any hate or negative thought behind posting that chat, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place. Main jaan boojhkar khulley mein kyun bolungi ke main racist hoon? People should think about it. Is it even logical? My first apology wasn’t a planned one. I wrote what I thought at that moment. All the sports fanatics across the world, who were quick to label me as ‘racist’ should know that even I am a person of colour. Nothing comes easy to us! I would be the last person to do it to someone. The word racist has affected me the most. It’s a hate crime! How do I explain or make someone believe that I am not a racist? They will believe what they want to. I feel helpless. It took me two days to realise what happened. I can face hate for something that I know I have done.

Have you reached out to Alexander Iwobi and apologized to him?
I have sent an apology letter via email to Iwobi directly, as well as the club (a copy of which is with BT). There was no point reaching out to him on Twitter. I wanted the statement to reach him first and I have done that. The person who is affected by it the most should know that I am really sorry. I hope to say sorry to him in person as well, because my love for sports is so deep that I will be the last person to disrespect a sportsman on the basis of his colour.

Have you met Iwobi before?
I haven’t met him yet. Had I met him before, he would have known that I am not what people have labelled me as. I am an actor who has refused to endorse fairness creams at the beginning of my career, because I don’t believe that if you are light skinned, you will get married easily, find work and things will fall into place. I have never endorsed that mindset for money. People said things like she stands against sexism but not against racism. Are you saying I only support brown women? What does that even mean? I am one of the few actresses who has always stood for things and have been vocal about it.

You have always been an Arsenal loyalist, but many demanded that you be dropped as the club’s ambassador in India since you don’t align with their values.
I am not Arsenal’s brand ambassador. I am a female celeb who follows football. My dad follows football. I was 13 when I saw Arsenal play at the Highbury stadium (home of Arsenal FC, till 2006). The biggest highlight of my life was meeting Thierry Henry. He is the reason I started following football. I love the sport and Arsenal has always been my favourite team. If I had an issue with someone’s nationality, I wouldn’t have followed club football; instead, I would have just followed countries and their national teams. Be it actors or sportsmen, we can’t call ourselves global citizens if we were just pro this and pro that.

Do you think that making loose comments that hint towards colour bias, is considered quite normal amongst us. Be it our obsession with fair skin tones or the recent episode where the stump mic captured Pakistani cricket captain Safraz Ahmed making a racist comment ( kaaley) against South African allrounder Andile Phehlukwayo.
I was always against ‘gorapan bechna hai’. I am not your gori chitti heroine and I am proud of who I am. Yes, I have heard people say things like “yeh Punjabi hoke bhi kaali hai.” Maybe, we use these terms lightly, but we don’t always look at it in derogatory fashion as India is so diverse. We grow up among people of different colour and we celebrate our diversity.

You were slammed on social media for saying you have been a victim of racism, too.
Are you saying we don’t face racism when we travel abroad? Things do change once you become a celeb, but you still face it. Tell me one person who hasn’t faced it. I was 17 years old when I faced it in Europe. We were in a restaurant and despite repeated requests, the waiters refused to attend to us. They kept looking through us as if we didn’t exist. Everyone calls us ‘curry’ internationally. Even we face it, so why would I do it to someone else? The picture that is being painted is wrong. Why accuse me of something I have not done? That’s not our upbringing.

In hindsight, what do you regret the most?
I didn’t say this till now, but social media is a big regret. It’s easier to get onto your phones and start ranting against people without even giving the person a chance to speak. Everyone thinks that they can make news, courtesy social media and they do that. Lack of knowledge is my only regret here. You can call me anything. You can mock my looks or my ignorance, but don’t label me a racist. For me, it’s as bad as being called a criminal. You are saying I hate a player because he is black? I have been following the club since I was a child and they have always had players of colour. This is not the first time.

You were linked to Arsenal footballer Hector Bellerin two years ago. Even he was addressed in tweets and was told about what his ex has done.
Why are we dragging those who are not involved in this situation? I worship sportsmen. Be it Kapil Dev, Sachin Tendulkar, Virat Kohli, Cristiano Ronaldo, Alexandre Lacazette, Thierry Henry, Rafael Nadal… no true sports fan can be racist.