Neha Dhupia and Angad Bedi talk about marriage, listening to parenting advice and how they would ideally like to bring up Mehr, their daughter
Ashwini Deshmukh (TIMES LIFE; December 16, 2018)

Marriage and parenthood – you’ve taken on a lot of responsibility in a year, Angad.
ANGAD: I don’t view Neha as a responsibility. This is something I wished to do. It gives me satisfaction. I love her and I’m happy to see her smile. I’ve been commitment phobic all my life. I didn’t settle down with anyone else because it wasn’t meant to be. It never came to me as clearly as it came with Neha.

What was your first reaction when you discovered you would be turning parents?
NEHA: I didn’t have a Bollywood kind of reaction; I had a Hollywood-like reaction. There were no tears of joy rolling down my cheeks. It was more like ‘Oh my God! What am I going to do now?’ It took a while to sink in. At no point did I have an iota of doubt about going ahead with it. Angad was the man with whom I wanted to spend my life. And we were doing the most beautiful thing together – having a child.
ANGAD: There are two things. First is that you want to start a family. The second is with the right person. I’ve been in various relationships earlier. If I felt at home, it was always with Neha. If two people are the right match for each other, the Universe conspires to bring them together. When she told me she was pregnant, I felt I’d hit a jackpot. It was of utmost importance to be her strength.

Did you go through mood swings during your pregnancy? How supportive has Angad been?
NEHA: I cannot put it in words how supportive and amazing he has been. I was about five-months pregnant shooting for a film. It was raining heavily that day and I panicked. He just dropped his plans for the day and accompanied me to the studio. He sat there in my trailer all day. He wanted to be by my side. I doubt if I can give so much physically, mentally and emotionally to a relationship. Whether it’s a craving, a breakdown or anything else, he’s there. They say, ‘We are pregnant’. Angad symbolised that.
ANGAD: The good thing about Neha is that she flares up but calms down soon too. It’s normal to have mood swings. In her case they are far and few.

Neha, you’ve worked round the clock…
NEHA: I respect expectant mothers who want to stay at home. My parents, my doctor and friends assured me that I could work till the last day. The fact that you are strong enough to give life doesn’t make you weak. I went to the gym and also swam. I did get a bit emotional. Like I cried while watching a film.
ANGAD: It’s great to work during pregnancy. She’s set a new benchmark for women. She’s a strong personality, who believes it’s not a weakness.

Did you feel like putting your feet up and relaxing sometimes?
NEHA: I did. There were times when I felt I had taken on too much. I’ve worked so much through my pregnancy, done physically demanding stuff for TV shows, hosted a fashion-related show, shot for a film... I’ve worked in all shapes and sizes. When you have a start like that your child is ready to face the world. I believe this baby is going to be the most beautiful project of our lives. We need to give it our hundred per cent no matter what. Angad and I say in jest that we want a gold medallist for the country. Hopefully, one day our daughter (Mehr) will be in the Olympic squad.

Q. What parenting tips have you received?
NEHA: The one person I take advice from the most is Soha (Ali Khan). Actually, everyone has a parenthood tip. There’s no such thing as bad parenting. The mother who goes to work is amazing. The mother who wants to spend the rest of her life with her kid is also amazing. Same goes for the man. Earlier, we shared the tips we received with each other. Now, we keep nodding and pretend we’re listening. We’re so bored of parenting advice.
Angad: I smile and nod and then just switch off. Suno sabki, karo apni. That’s what my father (renowned cricketer Bishen Singh Bedi) tells me. He wants me to experience this beautiful chapter on my own. He says I’ll learn from my mistakes. He asks me to be calm and patient.

So, who’s going to play the good cop and the bad cop?
NEHA: Angad will play the filmi cop. He’ll reach when the situation has been taken care of. But I’ll be the real cop.

Do your other accomplishments compare with the high of being a mother?
NEHA: It’s apples and oranges if you ask me to compare my career to us getting married and having a child. Karan (Johar) told me this is like the interval of a film. He said, ‘Go get married, start a family and trust me the second half will be beautiful’. You can’t equate this to anything else in the world.
ANGAD: You achieve success, money, stardom... But you’ll enjoy these only when you have someone to share them with. Nothing can give the satisfaction that your family or holding your child can give you.

What preparations went on to welcome Mehr?
NEHA: We made a nursery and renovated the house. Earlier, it used to be a single’s apartment. We got flooded with gifts for the baby at the baby shower. Mehr has more clothes than her father and is inching close to what her mother possesses. We have arranged for help. I’ve asked my mother to stay with me for a couple of months. Angad and I remind ourselves that our entire lives shouldn’t get consumed. We had barely just started dating. It’s not like we’ve been married for years. Ours is young love yet.
ANGAD: No amount of preparation is good enough. Our upbringing is old school. So she’s got a balance of old school and new-age parenting. We haven’t referred to a single book or the internet for parenting guidelines because beyond a point it doesn’t make sense. One should rely on natural instinct.

What are the things you’d like to be particular about?
NEHA: Bedtime will be 7.30 pm. We’ll try to keep her away from the iPad as much as possible. Also tantrums reflect how you’ve raised the child. So, discipline is a must.
ANGAD: Since we want her to be a gold medallist, it won’t happen on the phone or on the iPad. It will happen on the ground. We’d rather spend time with the child than shove a phone in her hands just because we want some free time.
NEHA: We are going to keep her away from sugar because then the 7.30 pm bedtime will go for a toss. So, only natural sugars. We want the grandparents to spend time with Mehr. That’s where children learn values and culture.

What qualities would you like the child to inherit from you?
NEHA: Angad has a heart of gold. He’s compassionate and disciplined. It doesn’t matter if your child is going to Harvard or brings back a gold medal. She’s got to be a good human being. I hope my child inherits this from his dad. Angad’s selfless.
ANGAD: There’s discipline in Neha courtesy her dad, who was in the Indian Navy. I’d love my child to have that and a sense of gratitude. I’d like her to have a middle-class upbringing. It’s not about what we can provide; it’s about appreciating the value of time, money and friendship. People like being around Neha. I want my child to be like that.