Actor Ashish Chowdhry on how his life fell apart when his sister and brother-in-law died in the terror attack and how his family coped with the loss
Pallabi Purkayastha (BOMBAY TIMES; November 26, 2018)

It’s been 10 years since Mumbai was under siege as a group of terrorists carried out attacks at landmark places, claiming numerous lives. And in that senseless crime, actor Ashish Chowdhry lost his sister Monica and brother-in-law Ajit Chhabria while they were dining with their friends at a plush hotel that came under attack that fateful night. The impact of the incident is such that Ashish, to this day, refuses to use the word ‘attack’ while talking about it. Excerpts from the interview...

It’s been 10 years since you lost your sister to the terror strike in Mumbai. How did you cope with the loss?
Initally, I was in depression and took to drinking for about 40 days. But that was that. I couldn’t fail in life. I did not want to succumb. I looked into the mirror, looking defeated and fat, and I made a vow to bounce back. I went to a counsellor, shared my grief, let out the tears, and said to myself, ‘That’s it!’ I decided to remove my frustration in the gym, which I still do. For one thing I had understood that life is short, but it’s invaluable. We have to make it beautiful. There should be no choice other than that. It is meant to be lived as we all eventually, head towards the same direction — death. So, why not make it fuller before we go.

Now when you think about her, what are your fondest childhood memories?
My parents are the most liberal, coolest parents on this planet and that reflected in our upbringing. In my house, we are not just taught about treating women equally, but they are also considered more superior in the family. Monica, as my elder sister, was given the authority to decide when I can start driving and where I can take the car. I always had to take permission from her to do things, which was great because she would always say ‘yes’ to me and give me the permission for everything. Monica was my best friend and my biggest fan. She was everything to me. I remember on the night of 26/11 incident, she was supposed to have dinner at my house, but she called and said that she had planned a farewell dinner on that night for a friend, who was moving out of the country. So, she made up by having dinner with me one night prior to the incident and gave (wife) Samita, who was nine months pregnant at the time, her children’s — Kanishq and Ananya — cot that she had redone. She said I want the kids to grow in their cot. That was also the last time I saw her. She did such beautiful things to make up, so I said, ‘Okay you can have dinner with your friends on 26th’, which I probably shouldn’t have.

We, as a family, always remember Monica as a happy person. I cannot picture her without a smile or without laughing. She was all about postivity — the happiest human being and so satisfied with life. And that’s the reason why, when I was going through tough days post the incident, I remembered that’s how she would want me to be. I feel mys sister’s presence in a way that she is telling me, ‘Be like this’.

How are her children faring now?
Kanishq and Ananya have gone through the worst, but are going to be blessed with a beautiful life. Somewhere life will compensate. I was worried about their studies, but they are toppers — smart, cultured and strong. They make all of us proud. They are 21 and 16 now, and fascinate all of us with their maturity. They are like a boon in Agasthya, Salara and Sammah’s life. Both are still studying, but Kanishq wants to be a businessman. Ananya is still in school, but I did hear her mention wanting to study medicine.

What was your biggest takeaway from this incident?
Well, for one, our mandir has all Gods, including Jesus Christ and Allah, too. The only religion we follow is humanity, respect and care for all.