Lasyapriya Sundaram (BOMBAY TIMES; October 17, 2018)

In a short but flourishing career, Arjun Kapoor has made a habit of playing men who lend strong support to the women in their life. Whether it was the homemaker husband in Ki & Ka or the supportive spouse in the upcoming Namaste England, Arjun knows how to respect women. In a candid chat with BT, the young actor speaks about the need for equal marriages in India and how men need to stop being insecure of women who make inroads into uncharted territories. Excerpts…

Namaste England was written keeping Akshay Kumar in mind, eventually; you stepped in to play the part. Did you have any apprehensions?
Honestly, it didn’t cross my mind, but given that Akshay sir’s name was attached to it at one point, I just wanted to ensure that it was fine from his end. Akshay sir and I spoke for exactly a minute, and what we spoke was just between us. After that, we were good to go. There were no ego issues, at least from my end. One has to understand that, I am a by-product of a scenario where my debut film Ishaqzaade was also a script which was written for somebody else. My biggest success (2 States) is a film that’s based on a book, which most actors in the industry were dying to do. So, there is no reason to be egoistic about these things. Instead, I have to weigh the pros and cons of what I want to do at that particular time.

Have you always been clear headed about your choices, or is it something that you have learnt over time?
If I answer that question, I think it will sound pompous (laughs!). My sister (Anshula), father (Boney Kapoor) and my friends will have a completely different take. My sister would say that I am a muddled mess. My father would have an emotional answer. Mine would be the most practical one, which is that life didn’t give me much of a choice, but to be clear headed at a very young age. I could have been a spoilt brat, cried over spilt milk or complained about the cards that were dealt to me. Or, I could have dealt with everything with dignity, sorted myself out, kept my head down and continued moving ahead in the direction that I wanted to go. I chose the latter and as a result of that, I am sitting in front of you. Maybe I matured when my parents split up and that’s helped me deal with my career and my choices. However, certain circumstances are unavoidable; like losing a parent. That gives you a sense of instability and leads to a certain mess in your head, but even amidst that, you have to find clarity. But honestly, being clear-headed professionally doesn’t mean that I’m so sorted when it comes to my personal life. I have neglected by personal life for the last eight years, because it was fuzzy in my head. In 45 days of losing my mother I was handed a new life; that of an actor. I just jumped on it, put my blinkers on and rode. I signed films back-to-back and I have been constantly working. My professional success gave a positive spin to my life. Work is very cathartic and therapeutic. I have almost completed India’s Most Wanted and that’s my twelfth. I didn’t allow myself a personal life, whether it is love or communicating with people I loved. I took my friends for granted, though, they understood where I came from. It was selfish on my part. I must say, that even my family has been there for me. Today, there is more clarity in my personal life and I have realised that I am much calmer. I have confronted my demons, made peace with some situations and accepted the reality of certain things. The last six months have also given me perspective. It’s easy to hate and be negative, but tougher to love. I might have given a 100 crore hit four years ago, but back then I was not able to enjoy it. Today, I am in a much better place as I have perspective. I have forged new connections. I am 33 and I am done sprinting. It is a marathon and I need to jog.

Namaste England revolves around a young woman who wants to realise her dreams. Like your role in Ki & Ka,which saw you supporting your on-screen wife in achieving her dreams, do you do the same in this film as well?
He makes her realise that she does not need to sacrifice her relationships for her dreams. If you are dishonest to a relationship, in order to fulfil your dream, then, you are being dishonest to your dream as well. To empower a woman it is important to understand what it means to treat her as an equal. What I liked about the film is that it talks about an equal marriage. There are lots of marriages which are not equal in our country. Our characters Param and Jasmeet, fall in love and get married in the first 15 minutes. Where most films end, our film begins. In a sense, the film begins with happily-ever-after. It is believed that opposites attract, but there is friction as well. The friction in the film is because of the different mindsets. Here, the man is content; he wants the simple life and is connected to his land, while the woman aspires for more. She chooses to go to London and live her life, and he tries to understand why she feels alive being away from our country. In the film, the woman makes her choice and she is defiant about it. The man understands and respects it. The story revolves around a strong woman’s decision to be honest to her dreams, rather than to her marriage.

You spoke about the film portraying an equal marriage. What according to you is an equal marriage?
An equal marriage means that you have to let the other person be comfortable being who they are. We also need to give each other time to know each other before marriage. In India, people get married to have babies. The relationship could be suffering, but couples still go ahead and have a child. A marriage should be out of love and not out of pressure. As an institution, marriage adds pressure to a relationship. I am not negating it. Everybody has the right to do what they choose to, but I think it’s become a charade. It makes everybody around you happy, because they get to sing and dance for 8 or 9 days. Basically, to create something together that is permanent in society, one has to be lawfully wedded. It’s a technicality. What’s most important is that the emotion has to be pure, but we end up focusing more on the technicality than the emotion.

For women to flourish, the mindset of people in our society, not just men, needs to change, right? The way we raise our children and the kind of values we teach them now, will reflect in the way society progressively shapes up in the future…
I think the starting point is that, men have to stop being insecure. When you are secure, then the person you are with can breathe. Men feel insecure that equality matlab yeh hamari naukri le legi. Equality means that for a particular job equal number of men and women would be interviewed, and the best man or woman will win. But if you have already decided that a woman can’t do a particular job, then you have already created inequality. Even in a relationship, the men have to change their mindset. I know it is difficult because of their conditioning. All our lives we have been told — don’t cry like a girl. But men weep, we cry and we are emotional wrecks. Men have been conditioned to think in a particular way, and we need to be more malleable. Women should not be judged. Be the way with every woman that you want every man to be with your sister or your mother. Why do men feel that women can’t survive without them? They can and they will, even though we as a society are not making it any easier for them. With every passing day, it looks like our education system is unable to teach the basic etiquette of how a man should behave with a woman. This harsh reality is a deep-rooted problem.