She was a commitment phobic till Angad came along. Neha Dhupia on what changed her mind about taking the plunge
Ashwini Deshmukh (TIMES LIFE; August 19, 2018)

Your marriage was a well-kept secret. Why?
(Laughs) When I checked my phone after putting up the Instagram post announcing my marriage, I had around 600 messages that read, ‘What the f**k!’ instead of congratulations. Yes, it was a surprise to a lot of people. But Angad (Bedi) was clear from the beginning. He said, ‘You’re not someone with whom I want to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. So, either we turn this into marriage or we continue being just friends’. I don’t believe it was hush-hush or secret as much as it was private.

What are your expectations from this journey?
I have no expectations. Angad and I have been friends for a long time. I hope the second half of my life is as good as the first half. It feels comforting to have him in my life. I’m just happy that I go back home to Angad.

What made you decide on Angad as a life partner?
I’ve always been commitment phobic. But when Angad suggested marriage, it didn’t seem wrong. I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach. It seemed like a natural progression. I thought it was time. It didn’t make me fear my future. I don’t have those doubts regarding him.

Will marriage change anything?
Yes, less wardrobe space for sure. But apart from that, nothing I guess. Both of us are chilled out.

As a professional, what keeps you going?
I have huge professional insecurity – whether I’ll get my next job or not. That’s what keeps the fire in my belly going. The insecurity stems from the fact that I’m not from the industry though I’ve been in the city for 17 years. I come from a middle-class family. My father was in the navy. We’ve been brought up to believe we’ve got to survive no matter what. The fear of losing everything, the fear of being irrelevant… all these goad me to do better. I respect the work I get, no matter how big or small it is.

How did things work without a sugar daddy?
There’s nothing wrong in being on your own. If I could do it anyone else can. I realised that I’m not the most talented, I’m not the best dancer, I’m not the most good-looking but as a package, I’m okay. It’s such a great place to be when you don’t have to bank on your looks. None of my jobs are related to the way I look. I’m not defined by the width of my midriff; I’m not defined by the perfection of my eyeliner. I’m a woman, who has a mind.

The industry has always been male-dominated...
Of course! But more than being male-dominated this industry is success dominated. I’ve been on film sets with successful men and women. Sometimes, their jokes are not even funny and people laugh even before the joke is over. You know they are faking it because that actor is successful. But when I say something much funnier, they don’t laugh because the other person is more successful. I too have laughed along with others just because the person, who cracked the joke, was successful. I feel so stupid about it!

What's the best thing about being married?
That you are married! It feels fantastic. It wasn’t the big deal that I was making it out to be all these 37 years. I recommend it to everyone. Try it at least once!