On her birthday today, Manisha Koirala talks about the men in her life, the mistakes she made and those she won’t repeat
Subhash K Jha (DNA; August 16, 2015)

A life of love and strife... that’s how one would describe Manisha Koirala. She has possibly seen more highs and lows in her personal and professional life, than any other actress of her generation. From being the toast of tinsel town with her scintillating performances in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s Khamoshi: The Musical and Mani Ratnam’s Bombay, Manisha’s career plummeted to embarrassing depths... After surviving cancer Manisha now looks back at her personal and professional mistakes with wisdom and detachment. As she turns a year older today, she tells After Hrs why she won’t settle for anything but the best in her quest for a partner.

Manisha, has your marriage to Samrat Dahal been officially annulled?
Yes, we were divorced in 2013.

When you fell ill, did he reach out to you?
No, he didn’t.

That must have really hurt you?
(Controls her emotions) I had my family and close friends during those trying times. Because of the difficulties I have gone through, I’ve emerged a much stronger person.

You’ve been exceptionally unlucky with the men in your life?
I don’t want to repeat the mistakes I made earlier in life. For whatever reason, I made wrong choices in my life. Now whoever comes into my life has to be the one I will spend the rest of my life with.

Are you admitting you compromised on your partnerships?
Of course I did! I very frequently shortchanged myself in the hope that the relationships would eventually work out. I don’t intend to live on hope. I’d rather remain single now, than settle for a man less than the best.

That’s a tall order?
That’s okay. I am not looking for the perfect relationship. If it finds me, I’m fine. If it doesn’t, I am very happy spending time with myself, and my family. Once in a while, I like to be with close friends. But most of all, I love my ‘alone’ time. I’ve grown to love my own company. I have my books, movies and yoga. I’ve never been more content and at peace with myself.

What do you think has gone wrong in your past relationships?
I’ve dated men who are not from my profession. Very often, I’ve been made to feel guilty because I am in the glamour industry. When something would go wrong in a relationship, the man would turn around and say, ‘So you think you can behave this way because you’re an actress?’

That must have affected your self-esteem?
I’d be constantly bending backward to accommodate my man’s ego. There is this condescending attitude towards me because I am an actress. I need to find someone who respects my profession. I am not in the mood to hear condescending comments in my profession.

You sound adamant.
I cannot be bogged down by my insecurities any more. The person who comes into my life has to respect the fact that I am a financially independent actress with 20 years of experience and 70-odd films to my credit. You cannot make me feel guilty for what I’ve achieved.

Like a lot of successful women, you were made to feel guilty by the men in your life?
Yes, I was. My man must be man enough to accept me for who I am. I’ve led an open life. I am not ashamed of anything I’ve done in my life. There have been things that I shouldn’t have done. But I don’t deny those incidents.

So you admit you’ve made mistakes?
Yes. But you can’t crucify me for those mistakes. Today, my life has changed completely. I’ve emerged much stronger. I deserve a lot better in life than I got.

So what would you want in your man?
I’d either want him to be the best. Or not be there in my life at all. Just because I don’t have a man, I won’t fill that space in my life with mediocrity. I don’t think I’ll find anyone for a few years. I am not holding my breath for a relationship.