BOMBAY TIMES (February 26, 2014)

Farhan Akhtar and Vidya Balan, who play Siddharth and Trisha in Shaadi Ke Side/Effects, have been playing agony uncle and aunt in this special column. Here’s the duo offering some more quick-fix solutions to relationship problems.  

My father and my boyfriend are competing with each other in fitness. During a recent arm wrestle, they both ended up hurting each other! But their only concern is who wins and I am supposedly the judge. They have been pestering me for a week and I don’t know whom to declare the winner, because both are very jealous of each other. Please advise!
SID: Call for a rematch. And if the verdict is stuck again, disappear for a week! 
TRISHA: Tell your father that he’s the winner, but for the sake of your relationship you will have to declare your boyfriend the winner. That’s what you call MANipulation.
 
When I was dating my current wife, I wrote some poems and made a book for her. I hid the book after we got married, as they seem very silly now. However, she has now found the book, and reads them out to our friends and also tweets about them. I am very embarrassed. My male friends snigger behind my back and female friends give me strange (my wife thinks these are envious) looks. How do I get my wife to stop this insanity?
SID: Make a fake Twitter account and start commenting on the poems as really bad pieces of writing. If she gets embarrassed enough, she will remove the posts. But make sure she doesn’t begin a fight and you both begin to trend. 
TRISHA: Tell her one of her friends asked you to recite one of those poems to her and asked you why your wife is such an attention seeker.
 
My husband has discovered a game online that he keeps playing 24x7. He is constantly on his phone, gaining levels, sending requests to our friends and it’s getting on my nerves. Even during normal conversations, he speaks about levels and scores. How do I deal with this insanity and stop myself from breaking his head with his phone?
SID: Hey! Sounds like a super cool game! I am surprised I haven’t heard of it! Can you share the name please, and oh, ask him to send me a request, while you are at it! 
TRISHA: If you can’t win them, join them! Start playing the game, honey, and make sure you send requests to all his cute male friends.