Khalid Mohamed (MUMBAI MIRROR; December 27, 2018)

There’s this thing called ‘the forgiveness factor’. Oftentimes you forgive the scenes, moments and cliches which coerce you to squirm in your seat.The snag is that that even the most tolerant viewer can forgive the cringebinge but not forget them.

Factoring that element in, here’s my take on the 12 elements of apna movies which could be erased or at least reduced with a sleight of the imagination.

Yesterday once more
Tsk, two of the major chartbusters — “Dilbar Dilbar” from Satyameva Jayate and “Ek Do Teen” from Baaghi 2 — were sort-of-remixes of the perennially popular dance tracks from Sirf Tum (1999) and Tezaab (1988) respectively. Belly-twirler Nora Fatehi shooed in for Sushmita Sen and Jacqueline Fernandez had the guts to shake and shimmy a la Madhuri Dixit.

Yet, the video clips of both the re-jangles scored gazillion hits on YouTube and in fact, became the selling points of the action flicks. So why don’t I want more of the samesame? No reason except there’s something direly deja phew about this.


Quite tyresome
Towards the finale of the powblam-kaboom saga Race 3, Salman Khan has hinted that there will be yet another edition of Bollywood’s retort to The Fast and The Furious. Quite wisely, he has also hinted that he may not star in the follow-up in which somersaulting luxury vehicles go up in smoke, and steal the show from him right till the minute he famously takes his shirt off to display his iconic bare chest.

In any case, the franchise without its orignators Abbas-Mustan is like Hamlet without the Prince of Denmark. To crash or not to crash is the question.

Offers to be refused
Endless Godfather spin-offs are still going over-the-top in uber feudal, rural mansions ruled by an ageing despot, flanked by a good son, a bad son, a daughter-in-law, a bahu-to-be, slavish domestic helps, and lackeys galore. Add corrupt cops and a venal politician or two and there you are palpitating to the body count all over again. Enough!


The montage bug
Nine times out of ten, songs are picturised as montages. Nowadays, directors are wont to merely stick to brief random shots of the hero or the heroine or at locations ranging from the snowy Alps and the arid deserts to upmarket coffee shops to the Gateway of India (where pigeons are disturbed to fly while pecking at lunch) and rocky seasides. No lip-syncing required. These quickie shots are bunged together by overstressed editors for what has come to be known as ‘the background number’, and woohoo, the job’s done.

Ever since frontline choreographers – Farah Khan and Remo D’Souza – switched to direction and Saroj Khan semi-retired, elaborate dance set-pieces belong to the archives. Come back, Farah, Remo and Saroj ji to the sphere where you seduced generations of spectators to go gaga over super naach-gaanas. Believe me, montage musical sequences get my goatee.

What’s the good word?
The pronunciation of one word, in particular, gives me the heebiejeebies. The word is ‘chahiye’ meaning need or want. For some mysterious reason it’s mostly pronounced as ‘chai..ye:’ (which could be misundersood as a call for tea break). The correct way to say it is ‘chhahiyai’. Google for confirmation.

As for the niceties of Hindi diction, forget it. Katrina Kaif continues to speak as if she has just returned from the English meadows. Forgiven but not forgettable. Sincere suggestion: keep a diction coach on the sets or at least at the dubbing studio.


Inspiration or copycatting
The custom of lifting Hollywood stories is as old as the hillocks. Of late, though, the trend was on the downcurve. Which is why I was boggled by a near-photocopy of Oliver Stone’s expose of the wiles of Wall Street, emblemised by the ruthless Gordon Gekko in an Oscar-winning performance by Michael Douglas.

Now replace Douglas ji with Saif Ali Khan sir and the original protege, Charlie Sheen by newcomer Rohan Mehra. And whaddya know? Baazaar is out to blindside the movie market. Not one but two creative minds, grab the honours for the write stuff produced by Nikkhil Advani who should know that Mumbai’s Dalal Street is not quite a facsimile of New York’s Wall Street. If there was a fleeting acknowledgement of the source material, it escaped me completely. Perhaps I need a new pair of spectacles.


Dialoguebaazi
So they no longer cry out oud, “Maa, main first class first pass ho gaya” (“Mom I’ve topped the college exams”), “Tujhe jalaakar raakh kar doonga” (“I will burn you to ashes”) or “Kanoon ke haath bahut lambe hote hain?” (“The hands of the law are very long”). Thank you for that.

Now how about quitting half-clever variations of “Bade bade deshon mein aisi chhoti chhoti baatein hoti rehti hain” (“In big countries, small things do happen”, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge), “Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin namukin hai” (“It’s not only difficult but impossible to catch the Don”, you-know-which-film) and “Aata majhi satakli” (“Now, you’re making me really mad”, Singham). Satakli is right.


VFX overload
In the near as well as the distant future, I’d rather watch a story being well-told – with seamless direction, clean photography and able performances. Although claims are made that out technical pizzazz rivals that of Hollywood’s Spielbergs and Lucases, excuse me while I snigger. Sure, once in a bluish moon, the Baahubali series and 2.0 are more than competent in the special effects department. Moreover, when it comes to wearing 3-D specs, I feel like a kid in a wonderland. More sound and spectacle than substance.


Hospital visits
Blood blotches, bottles of drips, lights on in the surgery room, injection being pierced into a hand, wounds throbbing – you get the drift. But you have to close your eyes tight and ask the brave person in the next seat, “Is it done?” Can’t take such endurance tests by directors really.


The end
Finally the show’s over. The house lights come on, the cleaners are at work removing the popcorn tubs. Hang on though, there’s the stray song-and-dance which was used in the promotional videos but couldn’t be fitted into the film. Cool but in the process, the end credit-titles of the supporting cast and technicians zip by in such a small font-size that you need a telescope to read them, contradicting the credo of team spirit. Not fair.


Cosmetics tip
I’d dance on the streets to celebrate a movie in which Jacqueline Fernandez, Kriti Sanon and Sonakshi Sinha don’t slap on globs of war paint. Being natural helps and how. Take a tip from Taapsee Pannu (in her better films), Alia Bhatt and do check out the ever flawless complexion of Madhuri Dixit. Seriously.

Van Gogh walls
Whenever the hero or the heroine plays the role of a celebrity artist, he or she paints masterpieces. His or her canvases litter the walls of a cushy home. But these are either blow-ups of Van Gogh or Da Vinci. Worse they’re kitschy pictures of scantily dressed tribal belles, household pets, sunsets and sunrises. Incidentally, if a gallery exhibition scene is shown, you balk and squawk at the abstract wiggles and squiggles. I can’t call this freedom of artisic expression. I can just tell that the director and the set decorator haven’t ever been to a gallery.

Meena Iyer (DNA; October 23, 2018)

Saif Ali Khan is in dual mode. He is at a suburban hotel promoting his October 26 release Baazaar and is also babysitting his one-and-a-half-year-old munchkin, Taimur Ali Khan. But his mood is upbeat. Wearing his hair back in an interesting man bun, the actor allows his make-up artiste to touch up his face for a few seconds after we have entered his hotel suite. He then packs the entire entourage off, saying, “Let me do my interview in peace.” Of course, for those like his immediate manager and a couple of PR girls who insist on hanging around, Saif’s instructions are even clearer. “Choose a corner for yourself, switch off your mobiles and make yourselves inconspicuous,” says the actor before he gives us his undivided attention. Without wasting a second, we ask:

So you are playing the Wolf of the Bombay Stock Exchange in Baazaar?
Kind of, I suppose. People have compared it to Leonardo Di Caprio’s The Wolf Of Wall Street (2013) (TWOWS), but actually Baazaar can’t be that. They have drawn parallels to the Michael Douglas-starrer Wall Street (1987), too, which it is probably closer to. But it’s not a copy of anything. Baazaar has got enough originality to keep me excited and engaged. The Indian business community is unique enough to tell its own story. We’ve never seen the Gujarati angadiyas, but there could be a Dallas or Dynasty happening in some of the big homes. TWOWS is a story of corruption and insane excess, which we can’t do in Bollywood, unless we show someone blown out of their heads on 10 grams of cocaine. TWOWS goes hand-in-hand with drugs, partying and excesses, but we’re not in that zone.

Is this your first attempt at playing a Gujarati character?
It probably is. I realised what’s happening in terms of acting, when I watched Bajirao Mastani recently. I felt that we’ve started changing the way we look and sound for every film. I had done it in Omkara (2006), but now it’s become a norm. I sounded like a Punjabi guy in Sacred Games, now I’ve got this Gujarati touch in Baazaar. I was happy I was able to do it because I’ve been a terrible dubber. One of the nannies of my daughter Sara (Ali Khan) was a Gujarati. She used to say, ‘Ainyaan aav, baisi jaao’ and all those things. There are a lot of Gujaratis and Punjabis around us. So subconsciously, one has heard the way they speak.

So you’re playing a grey character in the film?
Yeah, he is the antagonist. He’s the bad guy who looks like the good guy. The film is not really about the stock market. It’s about money and how it’s something you think can be the answer to all your troubles. It raises questions like how far will you go? Will you cross the line? And if you do, where does that lead you? Does money mean so much that it seems like a goal and once you get there, maybe you’ve given up on all the important things that you wanted? Is love more important? What’s money to a rich wife, every powerful businessman and to a struggler? So it means different things to all these people. What I love about the movie is that the background tells you what kind of a film it really is. It’s serious but it’s got soul and morality. It is about good and evil. It’s about a guy on the ledge who is about to commit suicide. It’s not something that is shallow and rushed, it unfolds gradually. For a first-timer like Gauravv (director Gauravv K Chawla) to make something at this pace, it’s impressive. I like these kind of performances and films as they absorb you. You get to entice people, which is interesting.

How was it teaming up with Chitrangda Singh?
I’m very fond of her. She is quite down to earth.

The first season of Sacred Games has earned praise, Baazaar releases this Friday. Next, you have Hunter and Taanaji, besides your home production. In other words, these are busy times.
Hunter with Navdeep (Singh) and Aanand L Rai is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I think when you do something like this, it actually broadens your horizons. You know this is easy to say, but it’s a slightly traumatic experience. It’s a bit painful like exercising, before you build your muscles. It was two hours of make-up followed by an hour of travel in rough terrain! I love cinema and I don’t mind driving and chugging to get to do something difficult in an amazing location. But when it was actually on, it was kind of hard.

Shooting for Hunter was the exact opposite of working in Taanaji that was shot against a green screen. The latter is great for actors as you can concentrate on yourself and your performance. But for Hunter, it was all real; the ravine, the fort and it was magical to bring these places alive, from history. So, many Rajasthani places seem like a dead ghost in the background when you drive past them. But when you go there and dress it up with an army of men and horses, it suddenly comes alive. It’s an impressive experience, and director Navdeep (Singh) is deeply passionate about his work. You have to be a mono maniac of some sorts. You’ve to be obsessed to carry so many people for so long in those circumstances.

I heard Kangana (Ranaut) say that actors don’t like to get their hands dirty. I would like to show to her what we did. I’ve got pictures, where we were shooting during the monsoon and I was covered in mud and flies because of the fake blood, which is sweet. Jeez, it was hard and I would just fantasise about reaching home and getting clean. I would think about getting a bottle of Blue Label and Chinese food and sitting in the balcony (laughs).

Sorry to digress, but what is your take on the #MeToo Movement?
My take is that I hate bullying; it’s something that doesn’t exist in my universe. It’s disgusting, but the attitude needs to change. Many people have been using women, which is sleazy and wrong. It’s great that people are talking about it. If it changes things, and this kind of stuff stops happening and women are safer, then it’s good.

You’ve launched a banner again, Black Knight Films.
Yes. The idea behind Illuminati also was to kind of protect myself. There was a time in the past when big production houses would try and create content for me. Now, they’ve signed their own people. Every big production house has a little camp of their own, which is great, just the way it should be. I want people to look after me and there are enough out there to do so. But I have to find them and hire them. You have to take control of your own destiny and career and say, ‘I want you guys to find me something that’s right for this energy, you know the kind of person I am, what I excel at in terms of work. So let’s find that, create that.’ Also this time, I’d like to own the company rather than be lazy (smiles).

Have you and your partner Jay Shewakramani set any goals, like the number of films you will produce in a year?
There are no goals. He’s taking one film at a time. Or maybe we’ll make two movies at a time. I really like Jay and that’s why we’ve made a good deal. I don’t want him working in my company and then wanting to control him. Let him have his company, let me have mine, we’ll collaborate together on this and tomorrow we can team up with somebody else. I can collaborate with Dinu (Dinesh Vijan) on his film. I’m looking forward to that. It will be balanced because then we’ll have no expectations from each other.

Is another film with Nikkhil Advani also on the cards?
No. The films that are happening at the moment are Taanaji, Hunter, our own home production and Go Goa Gone’s sequel. Imtiaz (Ali) and I have met and chatted. It’s too early to say anything right now, but there maybe something in the future.