Vijay Sethupathi reached a milestone of 50 films with the Tamil thriller Maharaja, which hit screens recently. The actor, who has become a pan-Indian star with films like Jawan, Merry Christmas and Super Deluxe, looks back on his journey so far, his current state of mind, his kids and how he maintains a work-life balance despite being one of the busiest actors in the country. Excerpts:

All I wanted was at least become a serial actor. I’m not putting down acting in serials by saying this. At that time, my thinking was that since there were so many serials being made, it would be easier for me to get a break in TV. One day, someone told me I was a hero, and I lost sleep that night. Over time, I got used to that word. And I realized that things had started moving in this direction only after I’d gradually started believing I could be a hero; I’d have gone crazy if someone had called me a hero right when I started out.

I used to feel embarrassed to say that I was an actor. These days, people are more accepting of acting aspirations, but that was not the case back then. Also, I didn’t know if I had the qualities to call myself an actor.

It was when audiences started clapping when I appeared on screen in Soodhu Kavvum that I realized that they have accepted me. When I saw myself on screen after Thenmerku Paruvakkaatru (his debut film as a hero), I felt happy that I’d become a hero.

From around 2008-09, I started observing aspiring directors passionately watching and talking about films, and I realised that there was something about cinema. A series on international films in a Tamil magazine made me learn how to watch cinema.

I began with Life Is Beautiful and started watching more films. I was confident that I’d begin to understand the knack of acting one day. So, I did all the things that might put me on that path... from watching films to discussing films with those who know what cinema is.

When I was working in Dubai, I was earning 1,000 dirhams. When I moved to another company, I got 2,000 dirhams. When I thanked my employer, he said that God fulfills all my needs, and he was just one of the people who were meant to make it happen. At that time, I was a staunch believer and trusted it completely. I still continue to believe it (he’s now an atheist). What we need is right in front of us; earlier, I did not know that, but now, I know it exists and am searching for it. It’s like in an Aladdin video game — the treasure would be hidden in select places and if the character went to a specific spot, he’d get coins or points. Likewise, I believed what I was seeking was somewhere around me. If you have a goal, the lessons you learn during its pursuit will tell you if you’re nearing your destination.

I have only earned happiness. Maybe I might have gotten a peek behind the masks that some people around me were wearing, but I don’t really blame anyone because the fault could have even been with me. I believe that’s the maturity I’ve developed; I’m responsible for both the good and bad that have happened to me.

My kids have grown up, so I think I’ve now reached that stage where I’m starting to get relieved of my responsibilities as a parent. According to me, for the first 5-6 years, you should give them motherly love, Then, for five years from the ages 17 or 18, as a father, you should give them the guidance, discipline, rebuke and a little bit of love.

I want to make my kids understand the world, life, myself, my actions, both good and bad. I try to discuss everything with them. I do not want to create only a good image about myself with my kids. So, as much as possible, I try to be open with them. It’s enough if they understand aspects about life. I always tell them not to take my words as the ultimate truth just because I’m their dad. They can decide their own lives instead of me having to do it for them.

I spend as much time as possible with my family. I tell stories to my kids. Even a couple of weeks ago, I told my daughter, who is 16, a story with a random set of words that I asked her to give me, like an elephant, a fox, a cabbage and carrot farm, a bee! I also drop her at school whenever possible. I did the first shave of my son and celebrated his milestone with a function, just like how people celebrate when girls attain puberty. I don’t post all these on Instagram, but shoot these memories on my phone, and watch them when I’m away for shoots.

I did not do Jawan expecting some quid pro quo in terms of my career. I wanted to work with a star like Shah Rukh sir and a director like Atlee. Every film Atlee has directed so far has been a hit, so I wanted to learn how he carries this success.

And, by working with a star like Shah Rukh sir, I also get to be known beyond the set of people who may have heard of me. He’s someone who I’ve looked at in wonder. So, in case I have some inhibitions or a sense of inferiority complex, working with people who I’ve looked up to — be it Rajini sir or Kamal sir or Shah Rukh sir or Vijay sir or the female actresses — helps shatter my inhibitions and grow in confidence. To stand shoulder to shoulder with them and perform seeing them eye to eye helps an introvert like me to get out of my cocoon.

In an interactive masterclass at the ongoing 54th International Film Festival of India (IFFI) in Goa, multiple award-winning actor Vijay Sethupathi, in conversation with actor-politician Kushboo Sundar, asked everyone “not to take the conversations too seriously or as a class” while entering the stage. He was in Goa for the first-ever silent film, Gandhi Talks, to be played at the festival, and began by stating, “It’s not a class at all. I don’t even know what to do in front of a camera. Just treat me like one of you. Let’s create and share. And if you don’t understand my language, please refer to my face.”

The actor, who has showcased his talent in Tamil, Telugu, Malayalam and Hindi films, when asked if he is a method or a spontaneous actor, said, “I don’t know what the method of acting is. When a director is narrating a script, I wonder why he’s telling the story and why he wanted to make the story. I ask a lot of stupid questions. I understand the essence, and I try to understand the director who’s telling the story. But I don’t follow any formula.”

The actor, who recently played a villain in Shah Rukh Khan-starrer Jawan, said that he will take a break from playing antagonist characters: “There are many pressures and restrictions. They (makers or writers) try to stop the character from dominating the hero. (But now) I will take a break and focus on playing the protagonist and character roles.”

When the 45-year-old was asked if he always wanted to become an actor, Sethupathi explained, “I can’t focus on anything continuously, nor do I have the consistency to keep at one thing... During my childhood, I enrolled in learning how to play mridangam in T.Nagar, Chennai, but after one week, I quit the class. That’s how I am. My intention was to become a businessman and earn a lot of money. But I ended up here.”

Pointing out that everyone was formally dressed at the opening ceremony and only he was different in a blue shirt and jeans, the 45-year-old told Kushboo, “I looked like an alien that night... But everything designer is very expensive, and I am like this. I can’t be comfortable in a suit... But I was insecure when I was there, to be honest.”

Before becoming an actor, Sethupathi was an accountant in Dubai, and during the session, he thanked his wife, Jessy, for not letting him go back to his regular job: “I was just living, going with the flow. Then I fell in love during a wedding in India, got married, and my wife didn’t let me return to Dubai. Then cinema happened.”

The couple apparently met on social media in 2002, got married the following year, now are parents to two children: Surya and Shreeja.

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Actor Vijay Sethupathi’s name is enough to get millions of his fans excited about any project. But it is the opposite for him. “I am an actor. Without art, I’m nothing. So, I don’t let stardom or fame get to my mind. I focus on my work. I don’t even like to watch movies,” Sethupathi tells us.

Does that mean he doesn’t watch his own projects either? “I watch them during the dubbing session. It gets difficult to watch my movies. I get overwhelmed with a feeling of fear because I know I will only spot my mistakes, which isn’t good.”

Sethupathi, who won his first National Film Award this year for his portrayal of a transgender person in Super Deluxe (2019), doesn’t delve into the past. “What I am doing now is important. The past or how big I am doesn’t matter. It is only my work which will stay,” shares the 43-year-old.

After debuting in 2009 with the Tamil film, Vennila Kabadi Kuzhu, Sethupathi has widened his horizons by exploring Malayalam and Telugu industry as well. His next destination is Bollywood as he is busy working on his web outing with actor Shahid Kapoor, and film, Mumbaikar.

About his experience of working on a Hindi project, he confesses, “I feel like a kid going to a new school. The journey is filled with new learnings and explorations. Every day on set is a learning experience. Mera dimag aur dil, dono hi bahut khush hai,” shares the actor.