Rachana Dubey (BOMBAY TIMES; February 4, 2020)

In 2018, filmmaker-writer Tahira Kashyap Khurrana’s life met with a roadblock when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. What followed was painful sessions of chemotherapy, medication, mastectomy and reconstruction, and while all of it could have crushed her spirit, Tahira emerged from the experience, stronger, braver and more positive. On the World Cancer Day, today, she speaks to BT about her battle with carcinoma, surging ahead as a filmmaker and why it’s important to live every day of your life to the fullest. Excerpts...

You were busy with the pre-production work of your Bollywood directorial debut, Sharma Ji Ki Beti, when you were diagnosed with breast cancer. While it must have shaken you up completely, it also stalled your career for a while…
I’ve evolved over the last three years. Had it been the earlier me, I would have had anxiety and stress. I would have felt defeated and cursed my husband (Ayushmann Khurrana) because we tend to blame the spouse for everything that goes wrong. It’s a common tendency in people. But I changed when I discovered what I was suffering from. It makes you feel bad, but you have to find the resilience to deal with it. Today, as a filmmaker, I’m game to knock on doors till people hear me. Now, I am more determined to make it happen than I ever was. There’s a feature film I am working on and with that, I plan to make up for lost time. I need to prove myself. If I get success on a platter, it will probably be because of my husband. He has struggled on his own for years and achieved what he has. This (her journey of making films) is my struggle and it has to be mine, entirely. I’m glad that I’m on a journey of my own.

Now, when you interact or meet with people, do you see them acting sympathetically, knowing what you have been through? And, does that ever get to you?
I’m not a bechari, and I have never played the victim card. In all these years, I’ve never asked the question, ‘why me’ and I don’t want to go there now. Probably the reason I suffered is to spread the word, make people more aware, and normalise the conversation around breast cancer and its early detection. I’m a science student, educated and I still didn’t pay heed to the symptoms. In many cases, the detection happens at a much later stage.

You’ve actually been fairly open about every stage of treatment that you went through. What drove you to do that?
If I celebrate the fact that I had cancer, I’m not celebrating the disease, but the way I fought it. While undergoing treatment, I’ve even walked the ramp. If I had allowed myself to feel like a victim, I don’t know what I would have done. We all have problems in our lives, but we don’t get labelled as survivors of that. Then, why label one as a cancer survivor? When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I didn’t know the outcome, and I refused to harp on the kind of pain one goes through. In fact, I did a lot of pre-production work while I was undergoing chemotherapy. The day you stop blaming yourself or anyone else for what happens, people will stop seeing you through that prism. As a writer-director, when I walk into a room today, people see me as a professional, not a cancer survivor playing the sympathy card.

When you started speaking about your treatment on social media, you were heavily trolled. Were you put off with the insensitivity out there?
Some people trolled me because they thought that I was getting treated at some fancy hospital in the US. But I got myself treated in Mumbai. Having said that, even if I was getting treated abroad, why should I be judged for it? I was trolled for seeking publicity post my treatment, for being a trophy wife and a social climber. I’m not guilty of these things, so they didn’t affect me. I remember, I was trolled for going bald during chemo. That exposed me to insensitivity of another kind. But with all this came prayers, good wishes and love, too, and I chose not to hide behind walls. When I started growing my mane again, they called Ayushmann and me brothers and said, ‘do bande chale aa rahe hain’ on social media. I’d be lying if I said these things never affected me, but I’ve learnt the art of pulling up my spirit. Social media can also be a pleasant place. While I was going through chemotherapy, someone wrote to me that I look hot with the bald look. Several women feel so conscious after undergoing mastectomy and reconstruction. When I went through it, I realised this is not what defines me or any woman. How does the size of the breast define who I am? Women are much more than that.

You have made three short films and are gearing up for your first feature. With a successful spouse at home, does it get a tad bit harder to find your own space, professionally?
Ayushmann and I go a long way together. We did theatre together for 10 years, after which he became a radio jockey, a TV host and then an actor. I stuck to a corporate job, and wrote and directed plays on the side because I didn’t have the conviction to make a career out of it. I come from a family of educationists, and we’re taught to make stability the premise of life. In both our families, no one had ventured into this business. Ayushmann made his way with his conviction and achieved what he dreamt of. He had found his calling while I dabbled in jobs that I wasn’t happy with. I was full of doubt and insecurity about where I was headed. When a partner becomes successful, people know you through him. The onus is yours to change that. Today, my name goes as Kashyap-Khurrana. I’m evolved, confident and in agreement with who I am. It would have been the easiest for me to ask my husband to start a company for me or to get me work, but that won’t make me happy. It’s not me. I’ve been trying to make a feature for long. Even when I made my first short, Toffee, which was partly sponsored by Ayushmann, I was very restless till someone bought it over and everyone got their money back. People take a long time to invest even Rs 500 in your work. The lull can be demotivating.

A few months ago, Ayushmann in his interview to BT had said that he wants you to direct him in a feature film. Are you ready for that?
At home, we’re equals but professionally, he’s my senior now. He may want me to direct him, but I also have to be in a position to do that. I have to earn it, and he has to like my script. It doesn’t seem right to start my feature with him in it just because he’s my husband.

As a couple, Ayushmann and you have been together since high school. What do you think has kept the two of you so strong and connected?
I respect my man and he respects me, too. I want to give him the space to grow while I find my way and he wants to give me my share of that space. When two people in a relationship believe in giving, the relationship blossoms. It’s not the tag of marriage that holds Ayushmann and me together, we’re companions. When I was pregnant and almost disconnected from the world around me, my partner did everything to keep me abreast with things. Till date, he shares his music with me, and I tell him which books he should read. When struggles and success are shared, relationships shine.

Mohar Basu (MID-DAY; January 15, 2018)

Having tasted success as a singer and actor, Ayushmann Khurrana tested the waters of film production last year when he presented wife Tahira Kashyap’s Toffee. Ahead of the January 17 release of the short on video streaming platform Eros Now, Khurrana tells mid-day that the husband-wife duo are indeed taking baby steps towards turning producers. “Tahira is developing a few scripts, but we are yet to decide if they should be converted into feature films [or digital shows],” the actor says.

With a web production behind them, Khurrana says he is comfortable with the medium, but is uncertain about producing a feature film. “Neither of us thinks like producers. We are creative people. Eventually, we will go ahead with a feature film only if we are certain that the story is strong. Let’s see how we progress.”

Meanwhile, Kashyap credits Khurrana for urging her to make Toffee. The debutante producer, who worked as a lecturer, a company manager, and even at a radio station before donning the director’s hat, says, “I always thought I was fickle-minded since I couldn’t hold a job [for too long]. Writing was always a passion. When I wrote Toffee and showed it to Ayushmann, he knew this was meant to be made into a movie.”

Her film, a poignant tale about child marriage, inspired by incidents from her childhood, won praise at a festival last year.

Actor on learning a new instrument, his ‘unique’ romcom and wife Tahira’s filmmaking journey
Avinash Lohana (MUMBAI MIRROR; August 29, 2017)

Fresh off the success of Ashwiny Iyer Tiwari’s Bareilly Ki Barfi, Ayushmann Khurrana is elated to have R S Prasanna’s Bollywood directorial debut, Shubh Mangal Saavdhan, as its follow-up. “Writer Hitesh Kewalya narrated the story to me in Lucknow while I was shooting for Bareilly so both the films are really special to me. Besides, both Bhumi (Pednekar, co-star) and I are coming from successful films like Bareilly and Toilet: Ek Prem Katha. The cumulative positivity of the two films will bode well for Shubh Mangal Saavdhan,” the 32-year-old actor asserts.

Ayush, who plays a small town guy grappling with erectile dysfunction in the Aanand L Rai produced romcom, remembers being shocked when the part came along. “This one is an antithesis of Vicky Donor but after the narration, I found the script to be so entertaining and unique that I instantly said yes,” he reveals, reiterating that the “taboo subject” lends immensely to the film’s uniqueness.

Another upcoming project, Sriram Raghavan’s tentatively titled thriller Shoot the Piano Player, marks a paradigm shift in the roles and genres he is known to dabble in. Besides taking on a dark character, Ayushmann, who has already shot for 30 per cent of the film, adds that he also learnt how to play the piano as part of his prep. “I am glad that I have been able to learn a new craft. As a musician, it helped me a lot. I have been training under Akshay Verma, a Los Angeles-based trained pianist. We have not used a double for the piano scenes in the film. I was training for two months regularly, four hours of practice every day,” he informs.

While he treads new territories, Ayush’s wife Tahira Kashyap is charting her own filmi path. “She has directed a short film called Toffee, which I co-produced with (casting director) Mukesh Chhabra. We’re now sending it to film festivals. She has a keen sense of scripts, storyline and screenplay and reads all my scripts,” the actor says, adding that Tahira is currently polishing a few scripts she has written in a bid to turn to feature films. “She keeps on writing new drafts as she is extremely critical of her work,” Ayushmann signs off.

Sanyukta Iyer (MUMBAI MIRROR; March 10, 2017)

Actor-singer Ayushmann Khurrana is turning producer with wife Tahira Kashyap directorial debut, a short film titled Toffee. Ayushmann will be co-producing the film with casting director Mukesh Chhabra.

Set in the nineties, the story follows two girls around the age of 11 who chase a conspiracy theory prevailing in Punjab at the time. The 15-minute film has been shot in Basti Sheikh, a small town in Jalandhar, in guerrilla style by DoP Vivek Shah.

Raving over his wife, Ayushmann told Mirror, “Tahira who is already an author, has written a really good script, one that deserves to be seen by people. She’s written scripts for our theatre group and has directed plays before and its time she directed a film now. Despite being a short film, Toffee, will have the look and feel of a feature film.”

The debutant director admits that she’d have loved to have her husband act in the film too but the story did not allow that. “It’s about two young girls. I know Ayushmann loves challenges, but this would have been too big a challenge,” Tahira laughs, admitting that the first time Ayushmann told her that he loved the script, she didn’t believe him. “Both of us are extremely critical of each other’s work. So when he said that he loved it, I actually asked him to repeat it again.”

Tahira points out that even though she liked the way the characters she scripted unfolded on stage in her plays, she never imagined that one day she would actually direct a film. It was only recently that she focussed all her thoughts and actions into directing a short. “I want to direct a full-length feature film some day too, but I need to earn that opportunity. I am confident, I will in due time, with experience and validation,” she signs off with a smile.