Motherhood brings joy, but also relentless scrutiny — especially for female actors. After Patralekhaa was trolled for her post-pregnancy weight following her appearance at the screening of Toaster, fellow actor Swara Bhasker speaks out against the pressure women face to “bounce back” after childbirth.

Bhasker, who has dealt with online abuse for over two years since becoming a mother, fumes, “All mothers should be left the hell alone. Nobody knows what an individual mother’s journey is. I saw Patralekhaa’s post, messaged her, and shared her post. A month ago, the media was trolling Rihanna for it too. Do people know what Rihanna has achieved before they shoot their mouth off and talk rubbish? Even Aishwarya Rai [Bachchan] wasn’t spared.”

While actors like Alia Bhatt, Kiara Advani and Deepika Padukone returned to their pre-pregnancy physiques quickly, Bhasker stresses that “everybody’s body is not the same”.

“It’s bizarre that not only men, even women are trolling me. People don’t care if a man looks old. But if a woman stops looking desirable or glamorous in the way they feel actresses should, people get upset, forgetting that women have other feminine attributes too. Having a baby shifts your priorities in ways that are inexplicable, at least for me,” she says.

“There was a Swara before Raabu (Raabiyaa) and there’s another after Raabu.” That’s how Swara Bhasker measures her life now after motherhood. We meet her at her Delhi house – almost two years after we last met her there during her wedding celebrations. Speaking to us right after a salon session, Swara says, “You know, whatever I do now, I think how long will this keep me away from my child.”

For Swara herself, the person she was before motherhood was someone she knew, but this new person that she is now – an anxious parent, who is busy taking care of her daughter – Swara is still befriending her. In a chat with us, she talks about how life has completely changed for her and how she now understands why some actresses choose to stay home after becoming mothers. Currently seen in Pati, Patni Aur Panga with husband Fahad Ahmad, Swara adds how this is probably the first time when is receiving positive feedback on social media. Excerpts from a chat:

Talking about how life has changed for her, the Tanu Weds Manu actress tells us, “I think the Swara I knew has completely changed and I feel it is not so much because of marriage as it is the childbirth. Both happened in the same year for me, we were parents or to-be-parents. Everyone says this but I think until you live it you don’t realize that childbirth is the most transformative experience of one’s life. It changes your whole life, especially for women. It changes your body, it changes your mind, it changes your heart, soul and it changes you completely. I actually went through a huge identity crisis because I just didn’t know who I was anymore after having a baby and it’s not because I was not happy, I was delighted.”

“I wanted a child, you’ve done interviews with me about IVF, adoption. So the birth of Raabu is like literally like every single one of my prayers answered. I’m very privileged. I’m well supported by my family, husband and staff, we have a full-time nanny. But still, I feel like the process is so unique for each woman that it really takes time to sink in – for you to understand how your life has changed, for you to get to know who you are now. I feel like I’m two people now. I was one person before Raabu was born and that person I know well and that’s the person you all know. And this new person, and I’m still getting to know her, I’m still befriending her. I’m still trying to fully understand. Like I never thought I’d be such a paranoid obsessive parent. I’m shocked. I used to be a pretty laidback, chilled-out kind of person,” shares Swara, who gave birth to her daughter in 2023, adding, “You look at the child and you realize every cliché is true. You see your child’s smiling face, and every worry melts away, and every anxiety you forget. They say a child gives birth to a mother, yeh bhi sach hai.”

Explaining how she is obsessed with her two-year-old, Swara shares, “I am extremely anxious. I need to know where she is every second. I never thought I’d want to be a stay-at-home mom. My whole life I’ve been a very committed, driven, career girl, very ambitious. I left the city I love, where I grew up, went to Mumbai, struggled alone. And I was obsessed with my career and I couldn’t sit still. If I had three months between two projects, I’d pick up some cause. So, I’ve never been a person who didn’t do something outside the house. And once Raabu was born, I just did not want to do anything. I just wanted to be left the hell alone with my baby... But, you know, I used to have these questions – am I a housewife now? Like, how can Swara Bhasker become a housewife? There’s a lot of work at home, but I never had those skills. I don’t cook. I don’t really care about running the house much. But a child forces you to bring in a certain amount of discipline and routine, because a child needs to have a routine. So for me, of course, there was postpartum, a little bit of depression. But for me, the greatest issue was this identity crisis. And I didn’t want to work. And then, I went through this whole cycle of guilt around the fact that I’m not working and it’s taken me two years (to start working). Thanks to the show (Pati, Patni Aur Panga ), it has helped me a lot, and I’m actually now finding my way back to a new equilibrium,” she adds.

Like most mothers, Swara laughs as she talks about one of her insecurities – the nanny. “I never thought I’d be so insecure of my nanny. Though she’s lovely, she’s an amazing nanny and the child loves her. And I’m constantly like, ‘Oh my god, is the child getting more attached to the nanny than me?’ Can you believe it? I was never this person! I was never a jealous, insecure kind of person. It has really been quite an upheaval internally... But my mother says that this anxiety of new moms is a thing, it’s fine. She says that she also used to feel like this. My nani wouldn’t leave me, so my mother used to feel like ‘arrey, mera bachcha hai, wapas karo!’ I remember when I used to nurse Raabu, main usko bolti thi ki ‘main hoon teri maa’. It is very funny, but I am also very dependent on my nanny and I am very fond of her. It’s a very intimate relationship; nannies are more included in your life than your husband is. I’m also working on my anxiety. I try to tell myself, ‘This is just me being an anxious parent or an obsessive parent, it’s fine.’ And everyone around me – Fahad and my parents – tells me this is normal. You know, I’m very worried that I will spoil her and she’ll become a brat because I am a disaster at disciplining.”

Sharing where she is on this journey of motherhood now, Swara says, “I think I’m better now and moving towards getting back to work. For Pati Patni Aur Panga, the first thing I asked the creative producer was about the timeline. And they were like, once a week or maximum twice a week. And I heard that and I was like, ‘I can consider this.’ Because that is a timeline I can work with. But even then, I have to balance. I make her come on set because I can’t spend 18 hours without seeing her. So in the afternoons she comes to our set; she stays in the vanity. So I’m balancing it now. I think I know this new person a little more. It’s again challenging because it requires skills that I don’t have naturally. Like being a parent and working requires a certain kind of time management skills, a certain kind of discipline, a certain kind of routine. I’m not naturally like that at all. I’m an extremely chaotic person. I’m an extremely lazy person. I’m always late everywhere. But obviously I have to make sure my child gets to her playschool on time. And so those are the things I’m learning to navigate.”

For an actress, how one looks can determine career trajectory as much as acting skills, so has having a baby changed her perception and her relationship with her body? “Our focus is always towards having a body that is of someone in their early 20s. Everything around us is geared towards having this extended youth and I think that having a child has also made me realize that I am no longer a 20-year-old or even a 30 year-old. And it’s made me feel like an adult. Like I have a baby, I’m my mom basically. And you never see yourself as your mom, right?”

“Having Raabu has helped me age well. And it has taken away my anxiety of getting older because it gives you something to look forward to. So that’s been really nice. I know that I get a lot of negative attention about putting on weight and whatever, and initially it used to feel bad, but I have really accepted (it). I mean I’m not saying that one shouldn’t be fit. But that crazy anxiety around that extra kilo or looking a little plumper or little double chin – that’s just gone. And I’ve spent my whole life looking at my pictures and being like oh, yahan zyada patli lag rahi hoon ya zyada moti lag rahi hoon, yahan double chin dikh raha hai, yahan arm fat dikh raha hai. Now I’m just like whatever, I look happy, I feel happy, so it’s really changed my relationship with my body. You always see your body as a tool, especially in my industry, as a tool of glamour, as a tool of your art, of your work, and when you have a child, you suddenly see that your body’s purpose is something totally different. I always remember my mother’s godi being like the softest, cuddliest place in the world. I always wanted my child to have that, so when I think that I’ve got rolls on my tummy and I’m a little flabby, I’m like I want her to feel like it’s a mother’s lap, it’s okay if she doesn’t feel abs and muscles. I’m okay with that.”

Swara also points out that after doing this show, she has understood the reach of television. “It is unreal. it is bigger than films. I don’t watch television. So I didn’t actually know this world at all. My DMs are flooded with positive feedback. I am like, ‘Wow, itni tareef ki aadat nahi hai.’ But I don’t want to leave Raabu for a 60-day schedule for a film or morning to evening 14-15 hours. So I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But I think I’m slowly working back to that; I’ll get back eventually. Ab mujhe samajh mein aa raha hai yeh jo actresses thi na, people always say gayab ho gayi (after childbirth). I know why and I feel like maybe they wanted to be with their children. It’s not just patriarchy, it could also be the biology and maternal instinct to be with their kids.”

She is fierce, protective, and speaks her mind, but most don’t know that Swara Bhasker has an infectious sense of fun and humour. Her film choices reflect only a part of her sensibilities, so to showcase another side of her personality, the actor has signed up for the new reality show, Pati, Patni Aur Panga, with politician-husband Fahad Ahmad. Although new to the reality show format, Bhasker says she was ready to ease back into work, while prioritizing the care of her 22-month-old daughter Raabiya. However, what surprised her more was Fahad’s response to the camera

“I had no idea he had this hidden reality star in him,” says the actor. In conversation with mid-day, she talks about why she chose to return to showbiz with this series after a long break, how her family reacted, and the body shaming she endured after pregnancy.

Excerpts from the interview.

I think your reaction is similar to mine when the channel offered me the reality show. But after meeting the creative team and hearing the concept, I found it really cute. It also gave Fahad an opportunity to be part of my world. Last year, he stood in elections, so I completely immersed myself in his world. I thought it might be nice for him to experience mine in a way that allows him to participate too. But I’ll admit, what actually made me say yes was the fact that they shoot only once a week. I’m a relatively new mom, and my baby isn’t even two yet. I’ve been on a break for almost two years. Of course, I’ve loved this time, and the break was important for me. But I was slowly ready to return to work, in small bits. I couldn’t commit to a full schedule of shooting for 14 hours every day for 30–40 days straight. I’m still nursing Raabiya. Maybe she could manage, but I couldn’t stay away from her. This shooting schedule worked with my current life. They were flexible, and I could bring her on set.

I’ve hosted on TV before, but it was a different kind of content. This was a new experience for me. Frankly, the first two days, I felt a bit out of my depth — wondering what exactly was happening. But it’s a friendly set, everyone is lovely, and the vibe is pure fun. The experience has been pleasant. Munawar [Faruqui] is quick-witted and keeps everyone engaged. Sonali [Bendre] is positive and graceful — she bears the rough edges of Munawar’s acerbic humour. Together, they strike a great balance [as hosts]. The participants are friendly, and I think I’ve discovered a new side to my husband. I never knew he could be so natural in front of the camera! He was horrendous at our sangeet — refused to dance or even pose for pictures during the wedding. I had no idea he had this hidden reality star in him. He’s the one getting all the rave reviews!

Absolutely, that was another reason I agreed to it. As public figures, especially in the media, we’re not necessarily always in control of how we’re perceived. There’s so much narrative-setting and image-building that happens without our input — more so if you’re someone who doesn’t shy away from polarized debates. There’s an activist image attached to me — largely my own doing — since I attend protests, speak my mind, and voice dissenting opinions. And in today’s climate, that gets interpreted in a particular way, especially on platforms like X. People think I only [fight] on X — as if that’s all there is to me. Directors have admitted they expected me to be a fighter cock. I joke that I only fight on X, not in real life! Ironically, Pati, Patni Aur Panga is all about couples squabbling — so Fahad and I do fight a lot on screen, but it’s all in fun. I hope this will show another side of me and help us reach a new kind of audience. It’s come at the right time.

I hope so, in a good way. I hope people see there’s more to us than politics, X, and social causes.

One hundred per cent. There’s an entire industry that thrives on manufacturing controversies — sensationalized videos, [clickbait] hashtags — they do it for a living. And then there’s that one segment of trolls who target me no matter what I do. They’re very organized and clearly sponsored. I call them my ‘nafrati chintus’. That kind of noise is inevitable. But I believe reality TV gives people, especially those often labelled controversial, a chance to represent themselves. That’s perhaps its most redeeming quality.

It’s super hectic. Reality shows make actors work harder than films. On films, you get breaks. Here, the shoot is relentless — you’re always on set, always under 360-degree cameras. It took some getting used to. We had one day of rehearsal shoot, which really helped. The show is essentially games and gimmicks. On shoot days, we work for 16 hours straight, and I don’t get to see my baby, which is tough. So, I keep her in the vanity van and try to balance as much as possible.

I don’t think my parents has ever watched a reality show before! But they’re more excited than worried. They’re always happy to see us. Fahad’s family is extremely excited too.

The moment you start posting pictures again after having a baby, people start saying, “Oh, she’s so fat now.” What do they think happens? I’ve had a baby! People should study biology. The discourse is daft, toxic, unintelligent, and ill-informed. The assumption is that women in the public eye must remain desirable to the male gaze. And I don’t just mean men — even women internalize the male gaze. It isn’t gender-specific. When I first read comments calling me ‘bhains’, it felt mean and nasty. Some people said, “She married a Muslim, so she’s become fat.” I don’t even understand that connection! It hurt initially, but I eventually made peace with it. I remember a video of Aishwarya Rai [Bachchan], where she was trolled post-pregnancy. She’s one of the most beautiful women in the world. If they didn’t spare her, who am I? You’ll be judged no matter what you do. If you return to work too quickly, you’re labelled a bad mother. If you’re too thin, they claim you were never pregnant. People even said Deepika Padukone faked her pregnancy. How idiotic is that? For women, there’s no winning.

Personally, I have no desire to “bounce back”. Life moves forward, not backwards. My child’s birth is the greatest joy of my life, and it has changed me forever. I’ll never be single again — for the rest of my life, I carry the responsibility of my child. So, why would I want to go back to an old version of myself? That’s no longer my truth. Yes, I want to look good on camera, but I don’t need to look like 28-year-old Swara Bhasker, pre-motherhood. I’m a mother now, and that’s not going to change.

Post her maternity break, Swara Bhasker is set to make her directorial and writing debut with a short film that delves into the emotional complexities of male friendship. The story centres on two friends navigating a turning point in their relationship, exploring themes of love, and the unspoken layers that often exist in close bonds. “I had already written the script two years ago. Now, I’m waiting to get back on it slowly,” she says.