Filmmaker Rajiv Rai and actress Sonam, who worked together on films like Tridev and Vishwatma, tied the knot in 1991. After 25 years of marriage, the two got divorced in 2016. In a candid conversation, Rajiv opened up about their equation post-divorce and the challenges they faced raising their autistic son.

Talking about how they got married, the filmmaker describes it as more of an arranged match than a love story. “We hardly spoke when we worked together before marriage. It wasn’t love at first sight; it was destiny arranging things,” he recalls.

Sharing how their relationship evolved post-divorce, Rajiv says, “Sonam and I divorced in 2016 with no real reason. We never had conflicts or major differences. I think the pressure of life got to both of us. Ironically, Sonam and I are better friends now than we were when we were married. She has remarried, but we talk to each other regularly. We understand each other better now. I think we’ve become more mature.”

Though the filmmaker hasn’t remarried, he says he is content with where life has taken him. “Happiness is a state of mind, it’s not about being married or single,” he adds.

Their 31-year-old son continues to remain at the centre of their lives. He shares, “Both of us are happy. We have a beautiful son, who is 31 now. She takes care of him.”

On the work front, Rajiv was missing from the scene before he recently returned with the film Zora. “When I gave up cinema back in 2004, I just left it. I kind of self-retired. I said, ‘I don’t want to do this work anymore.’ I got into the film business, but I wasn’t creatively involved in any films. Around 2017, I decided life was getting boring and I should make a film. I was missing filmmaking. But I also knew things had changed, and that was a point of worry for me.”

He further adds, “I had to adapt to new people, new actors, environment and techniques. I knew the technique hadn’t changed entirely, but I didn’t know about digital cameras. Where I’m standing now, it feels like I am starting over. I wouldn’t say it’s a struggle, but I feel like a student again. Even though I know everything, I feel I have to learn everything — and I’m enjoying that.”

The Oye Oye girl of the 90s, yesteryear actress Sonam, quit her acting career at her peak to marry filmmaker Rajiv Rai. Known for films like Tridev, Mitti Aur Sona, Vijay and Vishwatma, she left Mumbai in 1997 with her husband and son, and settled into a comfortable life abroad, away from the limelight. Years later, Rajiv and she divorced, and after living abroad for more than a decade, she moved back to Mumbai. Sonam remarried, and now she’s all set to reboot her career.

In an exclusive chat with us, the actress quickly recaps the past 20 years, talks about showbiz – then and now – and shares how she is keen to make a comeback. Excerpts:

I joined Bollywood when I was 13, and within a year, I had signed 30 films. I did many films and worked with big actors like Mithun Chakraborty, Govinda and Naseeruddin Shah, but in those days actresses hardly had anything to do.

I may have been known as a sex symbol, but I didn’t have a clue that people would call me that. I would wear bikinis and mostly dance to songs in films. There was not much scope for female actors, though, I must say that the makers and my co-actors supported me a lot. Later, I decided to get married and quit my career. Before my 21st birthday, I had become a mother.

I lived abroad from 1997 to 2012. It was a very tough phase for me. We did not live in one place for long and moved to several places in Europe. I was living out of a suitcase, and I missed my parents a lot, who were in Mumbai. My father passed away (2002) during that time and I can’t forgive myself for not being able to come to India for him. I missed my life in Mumbai and my family immensely, but I was focused on my son’s education. I also lived in Puducherry for almost three years before returning to Mumbai. I came back to Mumbai in 2015 and now am living a peaceful life here with my son.

Rajiv and I divorced in 2016, and I got married again. My husband is an orthopaedic surgeon (Dr Murali Poduval),but I don’t feel he should be discussed because he does not belong to showbiz. I also feel that marriage is overrated, but companionship is important.

I turned 50 in September last year. In the last two decades, I had lost my individuality and let myself just go. I found living in Mumbai very claustrophobic during the pandemic. I had also put on a lot of weight and was not paying attention to my health, so I went to Ooty and lived there for almost a year. I stopped eating non-vegetarian food, ate healthy and changed my lifestyle. I focused on myself, and lived a stress-free and peaceful life. Gradually, I lost all the extra weight, got fitter and became a completely new person. I lost 30 kgs and gained a new perspective towards life. I want to work now instead of just sitting at home.

Yes, it was not a good decision. But, when I got married, I was very young and I became this obedient wife, who used to listen to everything. Later, I realized I had got into a daily rut and needed to have a mind of my own. Back then, once an actress got married, her career was over. Before my 21st birthday, I was a mother and then, life went into fast forward mode. I also feel that our culture is a little hard on women (at least it was). They have to dress a certain way, look a certain way and when they get married, their entire life is supposed to revolve around their husband and kids. I don’t want people to judge women for their choices. Whatever body size you are, you should respect your body. My son Gaurav is the best person in my life because he has taught me patience, kindness and to be strong in every situation.

Back in the day, there were no scripts, and dialogues used to change anytime. It was challenging, but I had nothing to complain about because I was working with the best actors. Our films still have some limitations, but 40-plus women have good content being written for them, especially on alternative platforms, so I want to prove myself again. Acting in films is also much more natural and less melodramatic than it used to be during my days.

In the late ’80s, Sonam burst on the Hindi film scene with Yash Chopra’s Vijay (1988). What followed was a brief but busy career as the actor packed in 30 movies in the next six years, before tying the knot with filmmaker Rajiv Rai. But that’s the thing about romancing the camera — you can never get enough of it. Almost 30 years since her last film, Sonam is gearing up to return to showbiz.

“When I started working, I was almost a child. I stopped signing movies when I was 17. It took me a few years to complete my pending films,” begins the former actor, best remembered for the song, Tirchhi topiwale from Tridev (1989). “I am 50 now. I’ve travelled all around the world, [been exposed to] different cultures — today, I am another person altogether.”

In 1997, six years into her marriage with Rai, the couple had to move to Los Angeles after the filmmaker was targeted by the underworld. Over the years, the duo and their son Gaurav moved from the US to Switzerland, before returning to India in 2012. 

To Sonam, India has felt like home all along, and a place in front of the camera comes a close second. The recent OTT boom prompted her to consider acting again. “Today, it’s nice to see actresses so comfortable in their skin and with their age. That inspired me to come back. I like the way women are being showcased in the digital medium — from Delhi Crime, to Panchayat and Sacred Games. I am interested in exploring subjects that suit my sensibilities, and age-appropriate roles. I have no qualms about playing my age.”

Has she initiated conversations with filmmakers and former co-stars about possible collaborations? “I regret not keeping in touch with anyone from the film industry, but I had my personal reasons for doing so. Now, I have to reach out to them.”

The former actor and Rai parted ways in 2016. Is she in touch with him? “I don’t want to talk about him. When I got married, many advised me against it. Looking back, I am shocked that I got married so early. While I regret giving up a flourishing career to get married, I don’t regret my son. I have devoted my life to my son, now I want to do something for myself. He supports the decision.”