Showing posts with label Siddhant Pillai. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Siddhant Pillai. Show all posts
I didn’t sleep for nights fearing that a cop would show up at the door and shame my parents-Apurva Asrani
8:15 AM
Rishabh Deb (BOMBAY TIMES; June 15, 2021)
For film editor and writer Apurva Asrani, 2020-21 has been a challenging phase. He lost several friends to COVID-19, and his 14-year-old relationship with partner Siddhant Pillai came to an end. Despite all the events that unfolded in the span of a year, he is taking things in his stride and trying to cope. He finds solace in writing new stories, taking long walks on the pristine beaches of Goa, playing with his cats and bonding with family. In a Pride Month special interview, we catch up with the Aligarh writer and editor and speak about self-love, coping with loss and more. Excerpts:
‘FOCUSING ON SELF-LOVE AND BONDING WITH FAMILY’
Mental health and self-care are his top priority and Apurva, who has moved in with his family after decades, is focussing on himself now. He says, “It’s been a difficult time for everyone since COVID-19 struck. I have lost friends, friends have lost loved ones, many are out of work… everyone I know is coping and surviving somehow. Most things are fine for me by the grace of god. Yes, my 14-year relationship ended during this period. But I am taking it in my stride.”
“Writing gives me a lot of clarity and peace. Bonding with my family, my cats, and playing online games; that’s how I am taking care of my mental health,” says the National Award winner. Sharing certain habits that he picked up during the lockdown to take care of himself, Apurva adds, “I have learnt that sometimes not doing anything and chilling is also okay. Living with my parents, for the first time in decades, allowing myself to cry when I’m down, meditating every day, finding joy, reconnecting with old friends that I had lost touch with; these are some of the things that I started doing in the recent past, things that I would normally not do.”
‘GETTING USED TO BEING SINGLE AFTER 14 YEARS’
Though Apurva and Siddhant parted ways, they continue to share mutual respect. “We may have gone separate ways, but he will always be a valuable part of my life,” shares Apurva, adding, “I haven’t been single in 14 years. Just getting used to the fact that I don’t need to seek someone’s approval before making a decision is something new.” After the two parted ways, Apurva moved in with his parents and is spending a lot of time with them. “There are times I miss the companionship, but I also recognise this as a time when I can rebuild myself into a better, more evolved person. My work gets a lot more attention. I am also taking care of my fitness and diet,” he says.
‘TIMES HAVE CHANGED SINCE I CAME OUT’
Apurva, who came out as gay back in 1998, says that life has changed for him ever since he came out. “Honestly, I have celebrated freedom from Section 377 every single day since the 2018 judgement. Earlier, Pride Month used to be more of a protest and visibility month for me. Now, it’s about having discussions with other LGBTQIA+ folks about how we can make life better for ourselves. We are no longer outliers, we are now looking to integrate in the mainstream and carve a legitimate, respectable place for ourselves,” says Apurva.
On how the scenario has changed in the last two decades for people from the community, he shares, “Circa 1998, you hardly read the word gay in the media unless it was referring to a joke, a crime or HIV. There were no respectable gay movies made in India. A little later they started underground parties where you could meet others like yourself, but these parties were fraught with uncertainty because they often got busted by cops. There was this one party I was at, where five police vans filled with armed cops swarmed down on us as if we were terrorists. They then lined us up and made a news cameraman film us. We were detained, our addresses taken, and they threatened to ‘out’ us to our parents. I didn’t sleep for nights fearing that a cop would show up at the door and shame my parents. It is one of the reasons that I began a sort of gay rights advocacy. I knew we deserved respect. The world has changed so much now, more so for the urban people, but at some level also for all LGBTQIA+ folk. We have so many movies, shows, openly gay celebrities, industrialists and even sportspeople to draw inspiration from. There are events, parties, and forums. I’m glad I’m still young enough to enjoy this time.”
‘REPRESENTATION IN CINEMA AND SHOWBIZ HAS EVOLVED’
While a hearing on the pleas regarding recognition of same-sex marriage in India is awaited, Apurva feels that it’s a basic right that should be respected. He quips, “Whether one believes in the institution of marriage or not, all LGBTQIA+ citizens should have the same right to marriage as their heterosexual brethren. By denying us this right, the constitution is not being respected.” And what about him getting married? “I would ask my mother to find a suitable boy to arrange my marriage,” he laughs.
Speaking about queer representation in Indian cinema, Apurva says the industry is doing well on that front. “In just the last five years, we have seen so much quality queer content. Margarita With A Straw, Aligarh, Kapoor & Sons, Made In Heaven, LOEV, Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga, Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan etc; each one is so different from the other and all cater to diverse audiences. We are doing well. In the West, they were at this juncture many years ago, which is why their content today normalises LGBTQIA+ folk. We, as a decriminalised community, are barely three years old. We still have the angst of our closeted lives to purge. We are still building our identity. And our content reflects that,” he opines.
‘NEED MORE AWARENESS ABOUT COUNSELLING’
Highlighting the plight of the community amid the pandemic where many have had to return to their parental homes and deal with families that do not respect their orientation, Apurva says, “Plus, the respite that they may have found by meeting, interacting with people from the LGBTQIA+ community has come to a standstill and they are stuck with people they need to pretend for. It might be a lonely time for them and the implications on their mental health might be far-reaching. We need more awareness about counselling and therapy in the future.
Siddhant Pillai and I have the blessings of our families today-Apurva Asrani
8:20 AM
The writer, who recently bought a new house with his partner Siddhant Pillai, talks about normalising the conversation around the LGBTQIA+ community
Rachana Dubey (BOMBAY TIMES; May 31, 2020)
On Friday night, writer Apurva Asrani tweeted, “For 13 years we pretended to be cousins so we could rent a home together. We were told ‘keep curtains drawn so neighbours don’t know ‘what’ you are’. We recently bought our own home. Now we voluntarily tell neighbours we are partners. It’s time LGBTQ families are normalised too (sic).” The message came along with a photograph of the couple — Apurva and Siddhant Pillai — and the nameplate on the door of their new house in Goa.In a chat, we asked Apurva what prompted the tweet on Friday night and he said, “I have always tried to bring attention to the LGBTQIA+ community. It has almost been 20 years since I edited Satya. In these years, I have realised that people are quick to slot you, no matter what work you do. They go by your personal choices. After writing Aligarh (2015), I decided to openly talk about the community, their issues, fears and the lack of empathy for them. Since then, I’ve made constant efforts to normalise things for couples or individuals like Sid and me because we still lack the right environment. We have the blessings of our families today. We wanted to share our joy of having a place of our own. We bought the house before the Coronavirus lockdown and we thought that it might inspire more people to accept, acknowledge and embrace things without judgement. We want to share things about ourselves just like other heterosexual couples do. We want to normalise the conversation around us.”
The couple does not believe in the conventional idea of a marriage. “For us, it’s all about being together in this home that we’ve made together, and yet, giving each other space. He’s immersed in work, and so am I. We could go days without talking, but that never takes a toll on our relationship. We’re companions. For us, waking up next to each other is our choice, not a forced decision made by anyone,” Apurva signed off.
I needed a break from the city so that I could heal my mind-Apurva Asrani
8:00 AM
Apurva Asrani, writer-editor of Shahid and Aligarh, was struck by facial paralysis five months ago and is now on a break
Roshmila Bhattacharya (MUMBAI MIRROR; June 23, 2018)
He’s been working non-stop since 2011— editing eight films and scripting three screenplays. His repertoire includes films like Satya, Shahid, Citylights,Waiting, Aligarh and Simran. Last year, Apurva Asrani saw through the biggest controversy of his career, vis-à-vis Simran. Then, five months ago, he suddenly woke up with Bell’s Palsy, a type of facial paralysis. “It was stress induced. I couldn’t shut one eye or eat without food dribbling from the side of my mouth. It was frightening! Luckily I found doctors who helped me recover most of my face, but I needed a break from the city so that I could heal my mind too,” he says.
Apurva spent his 40th birthday in the quieter part of Goa and fell in love with a neighbourhood with more trees than people. “After 11 years of being together, my partner Siddhant Pillai and I decided to gift ourselves a shot at this life. A writer can live anywhere with good internet and Sid works in music, so this place is a godsend. We are a 45-minute flight away from Mumbai and can hop across for meetings and creative sessions easily,” he reasons. He loves Mumbai for its ‘live-and-let-live’ mindset, the freedom to be who you are and to do what you want. “What I don’t miss is the concrete and the traffic. When you waste hours stuck in jams, you try and make up for lost time during the rest of the day. Everything is hurried, you don’t live a quality life.”
The Mumbai he grew up in wasn’t so congested and one had time to unwind. He sighs that today, when you get home from work, you’ll think 100 times to make a plan with someone living a few kilometres away. “If you make a late night of it, you start the next day under-slept and in a rush. It is unhealthy to work so hard without decompressing,” he warns, adding that at the village the only time the road is blocked is when a herd of 20 cows decides to sit down for an afternoon chill. “But they respond better to honks than Mumbai cows do,” he chuckles. “There’s time for exercise, good food, beach walks, bike rides, night outs and I still put in regular writing hours.”
Were his health issues brought on by the break of a 20-year working relationship with filmmaker Hansal Mehta and the controversy over writing credits with Kangana Ranaut on Simran? Apurva admits that while the fight did cause a lot of distress, it was his decision to go to battle. “If I’d accepted the status quo, I’d still be at parties with them and working on their next films. More than standing up against Hansal, I stood up to something that is wrong in our star-driven system; something he may also be a victim of. It came with collateral damage, but I wanted to set a precedent for other writers,” he asserts.
He informs that around that time his father needed a kidney to survive. Since waiting lists are painfully long, his mother decided to donate one of her kidneys. “All this happened after the post about Kangana and the writing credits went viral. So, while the papers were filled with malicious accusations, my brother and I waited outside the ICU praying for our parents to survive. I felt crushed emotionally,” he recollects. “But I can’t blame anyone else for my personal issues. In retrospect, I think Hansal was doing what he thought best to protect his film, but he should know I took up the fight to protect the same film.”
A year later, while working on his garden patch and his third oil painting, Apurva is also writing two screenplays. One is for a filmmaker who wants to do something out of the box. “The other is for myself. A producer who’s signed me to direct is patiently waiting for me to finish it. I’m mining from my own life so there’s a lot of introspection and rejected drafts. I’m in no rush. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone anymore,” says the National Award and Filmfare Award winner.
What about editing? “I wouldn’t give it up for anything, but it’s very hectic when you work as a ‘cutter and joiner’ with a director tapping on your shoulder. I’m happiest collaborating on films where the director wants my creative interpretation. Hansal Mehta, Nila Madhab Panda and Ram Gopal Varma have spoiled me like that,” he says.
How have his parents, brother, dog and partner reacted to the shift? He informs that while his parents, who’ve made a good recovery from the transplant, miss him, they know he’s a short flight away. “My brother is relieved to see me getting better. My dog is old and the busy Mumbai pavements used to be tough to navigate. He’s loving the long walks and the extra attention here. Sid is with me through thick and thin. We take each day as it comes without projecting too far into the future. I am grateful for the wealth of these relationships,” he says emotionally.
And colleagues? “The number of creative people who’ve moved to quieter places is staggering, so everyone is used to such shifts. Writers are famous for going into spells of hibernation to create new work, but we emerge dutifully for calls, meetings and deadlines,” he laughs.
The last six months have changed Apurva as a person. From being a social animal he can now go through days without meeting anyone. He took a workshop in a film school in Chennai recently and the dean rewarded him with a treasure trove of world cinema. “I watch these films without interruption, then, spend hours thinking about them. I’m also having more meaningful conversations here that aren’t time bound; that’s when you get to hear the best stories. It is valuable stuff for a writer,” he says.
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