Kabir Khan’s Bajrangi Bhaijaan, which featured Salman Khan in one of his most endearing roles, recently clocked 10 years. It tells the story of a kind-hearted man who embarks on a journey to reunite a mute Pakistani girl with her family across the border. The film struck an emotional chord with audiences worldwide, with people often asking the director about a sequel to the film.

Kabir is often asked about a possible sequel to the movie. He says, “At a time when people are objecting to anything and everything, the kind of love the film gets even today, proves that deep down humanity exists. We got the timing of the film right, which is why it resonated with people. Of course, Salman and I have discussed Bajrangi Bhaijaan 2, but we don’t want to make a sequel just for the sake of it; when it happens, it will be done well.”

Recalling the casting process for Bajrangi Bhaijaan, Kabir tells us, “I knew if we didn’t find the right Munni, the film wouldn’t stand, so 2000 girls were auditioned, of which 10 were finalized. Shooting with children isn’t easy, so we had a 10-day workshop. She also had to have the stamina to shoot a six-month-long film in places like Kashmir and Rajasthan. That’s how we finalized Harshaali Malhotra, who met all requirements.”

Speaking of how Salman and Kareena Kapoor Khan came on board, he shares, “Salman and I had just delivered a big action film, Ek Tha Tiger, and conventional wisdom says one must repeat what is successful. But for me, Bajrangi was always Salman, and when I narrated the script, he felt strongly about the political angle and jumped on it. His love for children came across in the film, and it became his first production. I was apprehensive about approaching Kareena because the length of her role was less. Her character was the voice of reason, and I asked her to hear the entire script. By the end of the narration, she had tears in her eyes.”

Kabir says that Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s character Chand Nawab was directly inspired by Pakistani journalist Chand Nawab. The real Chand Nawab became famous after a video of him went viral in 2008, where he was seen struggling to deliver a news report at a crowded railway station in Karachi. 

Kabir says, “I had worked with Nawaz in New York and couldn’t find an appropriate role for him in Ek Tha Tiger. So, when we were casting for Chand Nawab, I just showed him the viral video and he fell off his chair laughing, saying he would do the film.”

The film’s locations in Kashmir and Rajasthan are now famous as ‘Bajrangi Bhaijaan points’. The director recalls, “I love shooting in real locations. I tried shooting with Salman in Chandni Chowk, but a senior police officer told me that 20,000 people had gathered there. A decoy car with police had to take Salman out of Chandni Chowk. Reaching Munni’s village, which was in Aru, involved an hour’s trek for the cast and crew every day with all our camera equipment. Today, all those locations are known as Bajrangi Bhaijaan points. We would organize Kashmiri food feasts every 10-12 days and take days off so the team could travel and explore Kashmir. Even today, I regularly travel to Kashmir.”

Recalling some challenging moments Kabir adds, “We had to scout for a dargah to shoot ‘Bhar Do Jholi’ an important qawwali in the film. Getting Adnan Sami on board was Salman’s idea and in the end everything worked out well. Later, after we shot the climax with Harshaali and were working on the sound mixing, which had to be delivered the next morning, suddenly we realized the words ‘mama’ -Munni’s only dialogue in the film wasn’t clear. We called two security guards to test it and they couldn’t understand what Harshaali was saying. My daughter Sairah was around the same age, so I woke her up from her sleep, took her to the studio and got her to record Munnai crying out ‘mama’ that’s how the film got delivered in time."

It wasn’t a conscious decision to become a health coach. When I turned 45, I stopped feeling like myself. I’ve always been into fitness — I worked out, ate healthy, and never had any health scares. So when I started experiencing brain fog, low mood, and sudden bursts of anger, I was not happy. I’m a very people-oriented person, but I began feeling social anxiety because I couldn’t remember the names of the people I was talking to. This was quite debilitating, especially for a TV host. I went to many doctors, and they all gave me symptomatic treatments — statins for cholesterol, sleeping pills for insomnia, and what not. But I decided to find a better answer. I started reading and connecting the dots. I realised it was basically a state of perimenopause.

I wanted to understand my condition better. I had gotten into medical college when I was younger but didn’t take it up. I couldn’t go back to that, so I enrolled in a hybrid course with an institution in the US. The 18-month-long certificate course led to Pauseitive, a platform for women over 40, and I hope we can completely change the way women look at their health.

In a way, this mission lifted me out of a strange place, where I felt saturated with everything I’d done in life. Even my kids were ready to go to college. I feel everyone should learn something new at 45.

Let me add one more layer to this — aging parents and cognitive decline. It is a very trying time, dealing with all kinds of hormonal changes in the house. But if you've been the kind of parent who's been continuously in touch with your children's emotions and they come and talk to you generally, then the likelihood is that they're not going to shut you out when they are 16 or 17. I don’t want to sound like ‘Oh, I got mine correct’. Not at all. There's no correct way to do this. But I have parented in a way that my kids feel confident enough to tell me everything that they are going through. I have not tried to set an example. I have shared my mistakes and flaws openly and honestly. If I drink (I'm not much of a drinker) and I feel sick, my kids are privy to that. There was a phase where I used to smoke. I wasn’t one of those parents who went behind some tree to smoke and came back and gave gyaan. I used to tell them that this is a failing I need to get rid of. They were also privy to me giving it up. They've learned from my mistakes. They know every action has a consequence. So, I've worked deep in the trenches to ensure they don't shut me out of their life.

The past four years as I faced changes due to perimenopause, I made sure they are aware of what I am going through. In fact, my son is helping me set up Pauseitive. If I am feeling out of my depth and unregulated, I tell my kids about it and they are like it is okay, mamma’s not feeling like herself right now. Let's just agree with her for now. And I'm sure we'll all work this out a little later. So, they are seeing the seesaw of emotions. They are seeing me be mature about it. I think when you present a picture of being in control all the time, you also become inaccessible to a certain level. But if you are showing your sides to them, which are less than perfect, then I think they'll feel less hesitant about it.

So far, I have managed. I keep telling my parents that I'm blessed that my kids still want to holiday with Kabir and me. Most kids don’t even want to attend parties with their parents. But when my friends come home, these two are out of their rooms and chatting away. My son is currently in New York, having a drink with my friend who just turned 40. They have not even bothered to tell me. I saw their post on Instagram. So, our friends are their friends, and their friends are our friends. I really love it this way. I am also aware that my kids are watching me dealing with my ageing parents and my mother-in-law who is 92 with patience. This is very important because the way I treat my parents and in-laws is the way I'm going to get treated by them.

Well, Vivaan had gone to University of South California to major in political science. One year down the line, he discovered they had the best film school in the world and after attending lectures by film grads, he ended up doing a double major to include film. He is definitely going to be directing and producing soon. He's working with studios in Los Angeles right now. Sairah is in Class 12 and hasn’t decided yet. One day she wants to be a sports journalist and the next, a Formula One racer. She will decide when she wants to. One rule is clear. Nobody will do anything till they have finished college. You can’t compromise on college because that’s where you grow up and understand what you are about.

The magic word is balance. You have to adjust your purpose and your passion with time. I am not chasing my career. My career has to work for me. It is very important for me to be there for the kids and it is equally important for me not to let go of my last vestiges of self-reliance. I want to earn my own bread, irrespective of what my husband’s position is. He was a documentary filmmaker earlier and he is a big filmmaker now. I don’t need to do this. I can travel to Paris and eat croissants. But do I do that? No.

Luckily, my work as a TV host allowed me to pick projects. And, that is the reason I've lasted 30 years in the business. I did not burn myself out doing back-to-back to back shows when I was flavour of the season. I did enough work to get my visibility on television, my money as well as time with my children. I started hosting ‘Indian Idol’ when Vivaan was just six months old. Kabir was very encouraging. During Season 4, I found out I was pregnant again. I was asked to discontinue because there’s never been a pregnant host on TV. I was heartbroken. Heidi Klum, and Claudia Schiffer were on the runway with pregnant bellies, but I was told Indian audiences won't be ready. But I think Sony felt really bad. The moment I popped the baby out, they gave me a show. I left for Malaysia when Sairah was six months old. Kabir had just finished his film ‘New York’. I had given birth all by myself while he was away shooting so he owed me. The time away from home was so good. I got my body back, because it was a very physically tough show and she didn’t even realise I was gone.

Basically, when I needed to have kids, I did not let work come in the way and when work came to me, I didn't reject it. I have always tried to align my shoot to finish in time for them to come back home. I used to offer to reach the sets by 7 am so I could come back home by 4 pm to be with the kids. Of course, it would not always work out.

I think it's a very legit demand for any mom and I think the response has been very ungrateful. The boys’ club just went toxic on her. In a country where families are so tight knit and we all have mothers who have nurtured us, here is an actress who is A-plus-plus, who has given us such loved films. She has just had a baby. You should be happy for her. You should give her that grace. If she wants to look after her baby after eight hours of shooting, how does that become a problem? This is why our industry will never progress the way the West operates where you can be openly pregnant, delivering and getting breaks to pump during shoots. Deepika, you don’t need this shit. Go spend time with your baby and work with somebody who thinks you're worth that time. I think she has earned that demand. There are heroes who come on set for two hours when they promised you a 12-hour shift. Here's a woman who's saying for eight hours she will come committed and the powers decided that it was too much of an ask. I think Deepika should just not work with such people.

Well, I think one does not really need to change diapers to be involved. Of course, he did a little bit of diaper duty because that made him feel important. But then he got very busy. He loves babies but he wasn't there to actively look after feeding, burping or homework and school meetings (he has not come for even one). What he did right at that point was that he let me take the lead and he put his entire support behind me. He has never contradicted my decisions whether I have decided that they need to move from ICSE to IB, or that they need to study and can’t go on a holiday or that there will be no sleepovers. He has never come in and said, “You know what, I am the cool daddy, and I will allow you.” He has backed me fully and I am eternally thankful for that. I know enough people who were just not on the same page as parents. He let me play the bad cop which was not nice. But he also came in with the good-cop energy. And yes, I felt bad that I'm the one laying down all the rules but I also knew the kids were blowing off steam with him.

He’s been a much more hands-on dad after they grew up. They bond well and he looks after them emotionally. Now, he sometimes contradicts me and asks me to go easy when I don’t allow them to spend too much on clothes. I believe they should wear brands only when they can afford it. But he is like “thoda zyada ho gaya” (that is a bit too much).

I had timed my kids beautifully, so I still had my little one left. She will leave for college next year and Vivaan will be back by then. But I will tell you one thing. I don't believe in the empty nest syndrome. I've spent my life trying to make my kids independent. I made them travel at 12 and 8. Let them live their life. I am very happy. I have my work and my friends. I want to go and spend two months in Goa. I haven’t been able to do that because they had school and exams. I never holidayed while they were at school because I felt it was important that my face was the last one they saw in the morning and the first one they saw when they returned. I've had to literally carve out time for myself. So, I'm looking forward to being free. I don’t want to look at the school calendar anymore. Of course, I’ll miss them, but I’ll travel to where they are.

My husband was very badly hit when my son left. I've seen him cry only twice in our years together, one was when he watched ‘Swades’ and the second was when my son left. He literally stood in the room with tears rolling down his face. So, he was affected by the syndrome much more than me.

Don’t overthink it. I know it is a cliché, but I mean it. I am a parent who has read every book out there, but one thing I got right is that I never took it too seriously. Don’t take parenting so seriously. No child has peed in their pants when they are 30. Some kids take longer, but they all eventually learn to do things. Also, don’t overschedule things for them. I met someone today whose daughter is two and was going to school, play gym, piano lessons and what not. I too have done classes for my kids, but I know they don’t have to be geniuses. Sometimes, parents who push their kids the hardest to be so perfect are the most disappointed at the end. Imagine waking up at 3.30 am and taking the child for swimming lessons and contests. Your kid reaches state-level competitions and then one day, declares he does not want to swim at all. And, all your effort, your entire life seems like a waste. So, don’t change your life. Just treat your kids like you would treat your cousins from Jalandhar who have come to stay with you. That’s what I do. Thoda mazza kar lo, thoda padhne ko bol do and theek thaak nikal jaate hai. (Have some fun, tell them to study a bit. They will turn out fine). They should look at you as people who they can rely on, who they can have fun with and who they want to holiday with. They will learn the drums when they really want to play the drums. We don’t have to make our kids baby Einsteins. We are just going to create nerds. Rather focus on giving them social skills. These days, kids are not talking, they are unable to converse and connect with people around them.

Few know that Kabir Khan, director of films like Kabul Express, Ek Tha Tiger, Bajrangi Bhaijaan and Chandu Champion, is also a skilled dancer. He has now found a dance partner in his daughter Sairah, who has been training in several dance forms since the age of three. We spoke to the filmmaker about the dancer in him, while Sairah shared her career plans.

Talking about his love for dancing, Kabir shares, “I dabbled in dance a lot when I was in college, we had a good choreography team at Delhi University, where I graduated from. It’s safe to say we were good because we won awards at the university and in Lady Shri Ram College where my wife Mini (Mathur) studied. I spent six months on the production of the musical West Side Story with choreographer Ashley Lobo. It also featured Parvin Dabas, Gauri Khan and others, so that was a phase when I was dancing a lot. Mini showed her dancing chops on Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa, and now Sairah dances better than both of us put together. So yes, dance does run in the family.”

Talking about how she fell in love with dancing, Sairah says, “My parents enrolled me in a ballet class when I was three years old, and I started enjoying it. I was very dramatic as a child and would put on performances for them. I was dancing to Sheila Ki Jawani when I was two. I trained with Ashley Lobo, did professional certificate courses in different styles, and now I dance simply because I enjoy it.”

To this, Kabir adds, “We enrolled her in the class because she had already started dancing. She would dance to Katrina’s (Kaif) songs, which we would record and send to her.”

Reminiscing about his journey from dancer to documentary filmmaker to finally directing large-scale commercial movies, Kabir shares, “Dancing is about team building, and was something I really enjoyed. I’m still in touch with many people from the West Side Story production. Gauri and I became friends during that project. Documentary filmmaking is what I studied – I did my master’s in filmmaking. At some point, I felt those films lacked a wide audience, and I felt frustrated. That’s when I wrote Kabul Express, based on my journey with a friend in Afghanistan. I landed a three-film contract with YRF, and the rest is history.”

Does the tag of a documentary filmmaker paint him as a serious person? “Documentary filmmakers are considered serious people, but they are the most interesting people I’ve met in my life,” says Kabir, adding, “They have varied experiences because of their travels. Just last year, I caught up with many documentary filmmakers at a festival in Kathmandu, and the interactions, as always, were quite interesting.”

Sairah is often asked if she would take up after her parents. But she has other plans. “I’m hoping to study at New York University first,” she says, and continues, “Both my parents’ movie sets have always been a playground for my brother and me. My brother Vivaan has taken to filmmaking. While I love being in front of the camera with the spotlight on me, maybe not as an actor. But let’s see.”

Pics: Prathamesh Bandekar