Anmol: Parenting is the toughest role, not just in comparison to any profession but also in terms of your relationships. Of all relationships, be it with parents, siblings or your partner, the most challenging is the one with your child. But it is also the most rewarding role. The beauty of kids is that they have no experience. It is amazing to see how they perceive and react to things. It is amazing to see them growing in front of your eyes. There are windows in your heart which never open up till the time you have a kid.

Amrita: Before you become a parent, you have absolutely no idea about what it is to be one. And not every human being is inclined towards being a parent. In our country, we succumb to societal norms and pressures and we think that bachcha hona hi hai and that is something that will complete your life. But it can also backfire for many people. It can affect their mental health, their relationship with their spouse or family. You need to be prepared to parent. I think in modern times, the definition of family planning should change. It should not begin with going to your gynaecologist and understanding your cycles and trying for the baby. It should actually begin with sitting down with a pen and pad and writing about your strengths and weaknesses. If you are someone who gets irritated or angry easily, be ready for your child to drive you up the wall. If you have fears, your child will multiply those by 100. If you have unfulfilled desires and you are not happy, you can’t make your child happy. So, you should actually sit with a counsellor and sort out your own mental health issues. Then, do research and understand what issues modern parents face, including postpartum health issues. Figure out your work situation and finances too. Take a year or two and after that decide whether you want to have a baby or not. That is the family planning we need to do.

Amrita: We always say we have two babies now, one is Veer and one is Couple of Things (their YouTube channel) because they both started around the same time.

Anmol: There’s another baby that Amrita is not mentioning. That’s Amrita herself. So, actually I have to handle three babies.

Anmol: There’s a good fight among the three of them right now to take the number one spot (laughs).

Amrita: He does and that’s also because we don’t keep a nanny and we don’t allow screen time. There’s no television or mobile in Veer’s life. So, we have to give him that time. In fact, I had put the phone away the minute I conceived. I stayed away from mobiles for nine months. So, I didn’t have any references of Instagram videos and all the gyan that you get today. I think the only reference and inspiration I had was my cousin brother, a doctor, who stays in the US. I had heard that he had kept his kids off screens and they grew up to be brilliant. I hope to do the same.

Anmol: All these are hard decisions that we have taken as parents. But we feel that this works for him and us.

Amrita: No, it doesn’t. In fact, initially it was difficult to convince the entire family to come on the same page. I am glad Anmol supported me otherwise it would not have been possible. As far as keeping him engaged goes, I have always talked to Veer a lot from the time he was in the womb. Even when he was a newborn, I would always tell him ‘Come to Mama’ when I would pick him up. We think that kids don’t understand but actually they hear everything and understand everything.

Anmol: When we are busy, we use audio instead of screens. He has been listening to audio stories and nursery rhymes in Hindi and English from the time he was born. And listening is very powerful. We saw that difference in his vocabulary as compared to, perhaps, kids who are growing up with screens in front of their eyes.

Amrita: We have decided to give only satvik food to Veer, so we never feed him from a packet. It is tough. In our country, people are obsessed with giving chocolates or biscuits to kids. People just think if there’s a baby, you have to give him a chocolate. I don’t know how many times I have had to snatch the chocolate, return it and explain that we don’t give chocolates.

Anmol: I went with Veer to a shoe shop recently. The shopkeeper offered him a chocolate bar. Veer said: “I don’t eat chocolate and you should also not eat.” I was so proud of him that day. Of course, there are times when he goes for the offer. I took Veer for a birthday party recently and they had chips, creamy cupcakes and tetra pack juices. The boy had them and went berserk because he’s not used to all this. He had a major sugar rush. He became a rocket. I had to literally run out of the party.

Anmol: Amrita is not just a strict parent, she’s a strict wife too. Can I please pour my heart out here? Veer and I are the bad boys, and we are not even allowed in the house till we literally remove our shoes, wash our hands and even change our clothes. Imagine Veer and I are almost changing clothes at the door and only then we can enter (laughs). Yes, she’s the stricter one and I’m the softer one who tends to break the rules. On a serious note, I think there should be a balance between the parents. I think we have struck that balance very organically.

Anmol: We have had a lot of differences. We always tell people that in our journey together — we started dating in 2009 — we were always on the same page when it comes to how we wanted to get married or the way we wanted to live our lives; the differences came into the picture only after we became parents. I think this is very normal and it is okay provided you can sit together and sort them out. The problem arises because both parents think their way is going to work best for the baby. It may be that both their views are the best, but the challenge is to come to a consensus. This is quite difficult, but I think that’s part of the parenting journey.

A lot of to-be-parents ask what they should be prepared for. My only advice to them is to be prepared to fail. You will keep falling and failing. Sometimes the mom will fall. Sometimes the dad will fall. Sometimes they both will fall. You just have to pick each other up and keep moving ahead in the journey. The problem is parents are not ready to fail. They want things to be perfect for the baby. They want their parenting to be perfect. But it can’t be like that.

Amrita: I think the solution lies in discussing whose decision will impact in the most negative manner and then take a call. For example, if I’m against my baby going into the swimming pool till a certain age because of the chlorine, we will have to sit and discuss. I think if it’s going to really bother me and I’m going to feel really bad about it, then I think Anmol should take it easy or bend a little. Anmol: She’s giving you a real example there. I was keen to take him to the pool from the age of two or three years, but Amrita has been against it.

Anmol: Veer has not been in the pool till now, so you have your answer (laughs).

Amrita: I truly believe that the mother knows the child before anybody else in this world. There are so many things that a mother can feel or so many red flags that she can spot that perhaps no other person will even think about. Moms are always in this protective mode, so I think they should have the leverage.

Anmol: (mock serious tone) My lord, whether I win the battle or not, I have full right to at least raise an objection. The judge can always overrule. It is just that I like to be a bit rough with Veer and he’s also rough with me. That’s the way I want it to be. I know that Amrita is taking care of the gentle part and she’s there to keep a check on me if I go overboard. I don’t want to be gentle because the world outside is cruel. Even if he falls, I don’t pick him up.

Amrita: We agree here. Even I don’t rush to pick up Veer when he falls. I am not one of those moms who scream, “Oh, my child fell’. Most parents instinctively react when the child falls but that ‘Oh’ panics the child as they are looking at you. So, if you are calm, they also are calm.

Amrita: It was definitely a conscious decision because otherwise I am a very private person. But I felt that if I can help someone who is facing the same mental health issue that I went through, it would be worth it. I had developed anxiety towards the concept of pregnancy. I always knew I would opt for a caesarean because of the fear of going through labour pain. Even before I conceived, I could not sleep at night for almost a month and a half because I used to keep thinking of how the delivery would be or about how I would sleep as I didn’t want to hurt the baby inside. These thoughts would keep me awake and this led to another fear that the sleepless nights would turn into lifetime insomnia. I spoke to a counsellor about my fears and that really helped. Talking to Anmol also made me feel much better; I had been refraining from that as I felt I would put a burden on him. Frankly, I wish we would talk about these things in families. It’s not like people are really giving you the real picture of pregnancy and parenthood.

Amrita: We share the parenting work 50:50. In fact, Anmol sometimes does more than me.

Anmol: I want to be fully involved. If I am not with Veer, I ask myself what is it that I am doing that justifies my time away. I have told Amrita that I am even ok with putting my career on the side and spending all my time with Veer. And this is not because of him; it is because of me. My paternal instinct is very strong.

Amrita: (singing) Papa, mere papa.

Anmol: This used to be the case. But a few days ago, he cried in class because he was missing mamma.

Anmol: Love always keeps changing. The definition of love changes. We can’t stay in la la land and expect things to remain the way they were when we were dating. Of course, the relationship does get hit when you become parents. You get less time with each other.

Amrita: You simply have to make time for each other and prioritize each other just the way you prioritize the child.

A ‘Dilli ka launda’ goes to Mumbai chasing his dreams, runs into his crush, a heroine, during a movie promotion, sweeps her off her feet with his simplicity and marries her in a secret ceremony, lest the news hampers her career. If you have ever dismissed love as overrated, this couple will put your faith in the word again. Actor Amrita Rao and Anmol Sood aka RJ Anmol’s love story has hit the stands in the form of a book, titled Couple of Things.

The two met for the first time in 2007, during Rao’s movie promotion at a radio station in Delhi. They soon figured out that they were unbelievably similar despite contrasting backgrounds. “We clicked like anything! We were so similar in our tastes, our thoughts. We would end up matching clothes without even planning it,” says the Thackeray (2019) actor.

Anmol, 43, gradually moved from the “dreaded friend zone” to “boyfriend” status. But they had to keep their “love a secret, which added thrill to our lives”. Anmol says, “Amrita would come to meet me clad in a burqa! Isse zyada crazy aur kya hoga?”

They got married in a hush-hush ceremony in Pune in 2014 after dating for five years. But they didn’t reveal it to the world. “No bookings or payments were done in our names. We also hired a French photographer who knew nothing about Bollywood and was just fascinated to shoot an Indian wedding,” recalls Anmol.

When they moved in together, Rao, 41, hid her identity from the house help. “Once, when she became suspicious that I was indeed Amrita Rao, the heroine. I told her, ‘Oh! I just resemble her’,” laughs the actor. When the woman looked unconvinced, they pleaded: “Behen, please kisi ko batana mat.”

The couple, who has a two-year-old son, Veer, adds that their wedding announcement two years later was no less thrilling. Anmol says, “We pulled off our nakli shaadi pretty well. Chilling in pyjamas, we read the news: ‘Amrita Rao weds RJ Anmol’, while we were already married for two years.”

An unlikely romance between a Bollywood star and a radio jockey, ‘burqa dates’ to keep the relationship under wraps, the guy driving all the way from Lower Parel to Versova to get a glimpse of his lady love from the balcony, a clandestine wedding that they could announce only after two years! This celebrity couple has one of the most incredible love stories to tell.

Whether it’s the way their eyes beam at each other’s sight, the mushy giggles they share or the way they address each other with cute nicknames, (Chips for Amrita, Moli for Anmol), one can tell their bond is unique.

Their book, Couple Of Things, brings you compelling nuggets from their totally contrasting lives and their roller-coaster journeys that made them cross each other’s path. “We finished it in a record time of two months! While writing it, we realized that this was the best decision, considering the story we have to tell. It flew effortlessly in words as we knew it so well,” says Amrita.

Their first meeting happened during Amrita’s movie promotion at the Delhi office of the radio station where Anmol worked. And his genuineness made way into Amrita’s heart.

Anmol recalls seeing Amrita in a film and being swept off by her “old-fashioned innocence.” When he met her in person, her looks struck him like a thunderbolt but it was her unassuming nature that left a deeper impression.

A few months later, Anmol couldn’t believe when the Bollywood star turned up at his radio station in Mumbai for an interview, wearing no makeup, dressed down in a pair of jeans. He was more surprised when she asked for a simple khichdi for dinner, debunking all his notions about stars.

Their meetings didn’t stop. The camaraderie they shared changed Amrita’s perception of men. She could trust him and feel at ease with him. She gradually realised it was love.

Amrita also turned down a dream offer from one of India’s biggest production houses who were keen to sign her as an in-house artist as it demanded scenes she was not willing to do. This made her feel low. But she had found someone who could sense her despair and cry for her. She knew how precious that love was and she wanted to cherish it. Amrita and Anmol married in a secret ceremony in Pune after dating for five years.

So, is love sheer luck, is it hard work or a mix of both? We ask them. “I think love and luck go together in this world. And if you find luck, you ought to put in the hard work. You can’t leave it (the relationship) on automation mode,” says Amrita. “Yes, you have to keep fuelling the relationship. It’s a journey,” agrees Anmol.

And did the journey change after their bundle of joy, Veer made it to their world? “We have our differences over bringing up Veer and it’s all right. When you are working on the same project, whether it’s a professional one or the baby, you can have differences,” says Amrita.

And how do they handle all the attention they get from the opposite sex? Is there ever a twinge of jealousy? “Jealousy isn’t good for a relationship and the onus is on your partner, how your partner makes you feel secure with their actions,” says Amrita. “And I give 100% credit to Amrita for making me feel completely secure for the last 13 years,” says Anmol.

But there was one incident that triggered insecurity in Anmol years ago and he had to channel his inner “Dilli ka launda” to deal with a situation. “We gate-crashed a party and there was a friend’s friend who came and met Amrita, hugged her really tight and gave a peck on her cheek. I was like, ‘Teri aisi ki taisi! Tu hain kaun? Teri girlfriend kahan hai? Main bhi usse aise hi milunga!’ So, it’s okay, chalta hai. Feeling like this once in 13 years is okay,” he cracks up.

Replete with interesting anecdotes like this one, they hope their book brings a smile on the faces of those reading it. “If we can make people trust love again, it will be an accomplishment,” says Anmol.

We wish them luck!

Pictures: Mayur Chhabria

Outfits: Rahul Mishra, Khanijo, Shruti Sancheti

Makeup & Hair: Geetanjali Salon

Location: Planet Hollywood, Thane

Production: Zehara Kaynat, Shruti Shende, Prerna Gauba Sibbal