To be honest, Ahana just turned 13. I have heard stories that when kids turn teenagers, things really change, but I think I’m dealing with a very sorted kid. From the other stories I have heard, my story is a little different. Ahana is still not into tank tops or make-up. She’s not interested in social media. She doesn’t like to be in the limelight. So, she hasn’t reached that phase yet. Samir (actor-director Samir Soni, her husband) and I have kept her away (from the smartphone). She’s a music lover, so she’s more into that and her books.

As of now, I am not seeing any of those teenage issues. The moods fluctuate a little bit, which I believe is absolutely normal for this age. Apart from that, she’s a good girl. I feel blessed!

First of all, sleepovers are a big no. That is something which is not allowed. She’s probably had one sleepover with her childhood friend, who lives in the same building. We have known their parents for years. Honestly speaking, we haven’t really put down any ground rules. It’s difficult to believe, but she’s quite responsible and a conscientious child for her age. Samir and I don’t have to really tell her much. She knows her rights and wrongs pretty well.

Parenting when I was growing up and parenting these days is very different. Today, you have to be more of a friend to your child. Even if you say to your child that something is not allowed, you need to have a reason. Today, it’s all about reasoning and giving a logical answer behind what you say to your child. It can’t be “because I said so…”. You need to have logic behind it. Then, being respectful to elders or anyone she meets is very important. Even giving respect to the staff is equally essential. As parents, we are very strict about it. These are small things we have imbued in our daughter. It makes me very proud when people say she is such a brave, well-mannered and sensitive child.

I don’t think I have received any advice. I have just learnt all along. Being a friend to your child is the number one thing. Also, allowing your child to speak, whatever it may be, is important. Let them speak their mind and encourage it. There’s so much happening in school, in their mind and their surroundings, so be your child’s best friend. That’s the best thing any parent can do.

I go crazy sometimes! Luckily, if I am travelling, Samir is around, and vice versa. He manages and pitches in. It’s during evening time that mom-guilt kicks in. Things become a little more challenging for working mothers. But then it is what it is. Fortunately, Ahana is very cool as she’s seen me working since her childhood. She gets it. If I have to take a long trip abroad, she will jokingly ask, “How much money are you making? As long as you are making good money, it’s fine!” But the mom-guilt will always be there, no matter how understanding the child is.

That’s another thing. There were certain subjects, like math, where we knew there was no negotiating. She was hesitant, and she used to cry when she had to go to classes. Maths gets very challenging in the International Baccalaureate system. But now she’s breezing through. Samir has a finance background, so he used to teach her and help her with homework. I honestly don’t understand anything when it comes to Math. But largely, she manages her studies on her own, so we don’t really have to check on her studies and tests all the time.

Respect for family, friends, and staff is of utmost importance to us. We believe that you have got to be around your child, talk to them, understand them, and reason with them. When I feel she’s having a bad day and there’s something going on, I just leave her alone and give her space. Then, in a day or two, she will tell me what happened and why she was upset.

A lot of change has happened in my approach to parenting. Earlier, I used to be the strict one. Samir was the lenient one. There are always disagreements at home about small issues like jumping on the sofa. He would be like, “She’s a child. Let her be.” And I would say, “No, it’s not okay.” Now, I think I have succumbed, and we are both on the same page. I have realized it’s not worth it. It’s also because kids of this generation mature way earlier. They are so much more aware and intelligent. Today’s kids are more empathetic, too. I think we owe it to the schools of today. Maybe it’s the new way of teaching at school, though a lot of learning comes from home too.

I think I have done a good job, if I may say so. I may have been strict in the beginning, but I think it has paid off. Would I do anything different if I look back? No.

Neelam came back in the limelight after she appeared in the Bollywood Wives series. The actress who was quite popular in the late 80s and 90s took a break from movies in 2000s. While she’s had quite a few well-known films to her credit, during her course as an actor she regrets letting go of a few of them. One such movie being the Naseeruddin Shah, Sunny Deol starrer Tridev.

As she looks back at the “lost opportunity”, Neelam shares, “I was supposed to do a role in Tridev. The film is known for that Tirchi Topiwale. So, that’s my biggest regret! I regret not doing the film missing out being a part of that song.”

Neelam who was seen in films like Agneepath and Hum Saath Saath Hain feels that it is important to have good numbers associated with your name as an actor. She elaborates saying, “Hit songs always get carried forward from one era to another. Remember my song Aap Ke Aa Jane Se from Khudgarz it’s still so known. So, I feel Tirchi Topiwale could have been another song in my kitty. I mean just look at Saat Samundar Paar. People are still dancing on that number. Like, people from different generations, literally! I mean Chunky Panday (who featured in the song) is still doing shows on that song (laughs).”

Neelam who’s eager to take up interesting work was also seen in web shows like Masaba Masaba and Made In Heaven. In an earlier chat with us she had opened up about the reason behind quitting films. 

She had said, “Back then, I left the industry because I believed my shelf life was over, and I didn’t like the films I was being offered. When I left films, I was almost 30. That was the last time people saw me on screen, and making a comeback in my 50s was a little daunting. But Karan (Johar, maker of Bollywood Wives series) and my husband Samir helped me calm down and pushed me to go for it, and here I am.”

Neelam Kothari Soni’s honesty has a way of shining on the screen. As she pursued her acting career in the ’80s and early ’90s, she was the quintessential girl-next-door, whose one smile was enough to break hearts. However, she quit acting early to focus on her family. Decades later, as she returned to the screen with Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives, it was her charm and her vulnerability that endeared her to audiences again. As the reality show’s third season streams on Netflix, the actor opens about how it has brought her closer to her three friends—Maheep Kapoor, Bhavana Panday, and Seema Sajdeh—her reaction to the new entrants on the show, and putting up her life for public scrutiny. Edited excerpts from the interview. 

I’m absolutely enjoying it. Doing a reality show is not easy. We’ve reached season three and are diving deeper into a person’s life and their personality. There are days where I have felt uncomfortable, but by and large, it’s a blast because I’m with my besties.

During season one, I found it very difficult. But then in the consecutive seasons, I felt that the more vulnerable you are, and the more you show your true personality, you win hearts. I think the show has done so well because each one of us has come out and spoken about our life that normally people wouldn’t talk about [as it would make them] uncomfortable. In the first season, I did my fillers. I don’t think anyone in India has ever come on a show and said, ‘I do fillers’.

In the first season, the actual action happened after the cameras stopped rolling. It was the first fight. These things happen between friends. We just didn’t anticipate it happening [so soon]. Maheep and I were wondering, ‘What the hell just happened?’ But that’s the nature of this show. You never know what’s coming because it’s not scripted. We don’t know what the other person is going to say or what I’m going to say. That makes it a little challenging because you don’t know what’s coming your way.

Before we started rolling for season one, I was scared because earlier, the only way people got to know anything about a star was through letters. There were hardly any interviews that happened. So, I was apprehensive because for the first time, people would see the real me, my equation with my family and my friends. But after the show dropped, I was pleasantly surprised that we all got so much love, especially me because I’ve been part of the industry.

I don’t think it has [revived] my acting career, but it has definitely put me back in the spotlight.

That’s me as a person. Even in real life, I’m careful and cautious. That is my personality. But in season three, I’ve cut loose a little bit.

Some people will love us, some people will hate us, but they definitely can’t ignore us.

I felt like that in the beginning. The four of us felt like this is our show, but having new people on board [leads to] different conversations and different scenarios. But we take this very personally. We four are the OGs.

In every season, when I’m on holiday with the girls, I cut loose. I’m just a different person. The holidays are definitely my favourite part. We went to Mauritius this season. The best thing about the four of us is that there is no competition. There is a certain comfort that only comes from being friends for so many years.

Along with an attack on our health, this year saw an assault of another kind, equally discussed. The attack on Bollywood royalty. Superstars were "shown their place", say critics, especially on social media, as the aam junta questioned their entitlement, the power of privilege that comes with being someone important's someone.

Ironically, a new digital show that's been at the centre of much chatter, discusses and celebrates this very privilege, as it puts four wives of Bollywood stars—Neelam Kothari (married to Samir Soni), Seema Khan (Sohail Khan), Maheep Kapoor (Sanjay Kapoor) and Bhavana Pandey (Chunky Pandey; is mother to Ananya Panday)—in the spotlight. The Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives promises to offer entry into filmi families, which have been at the vortex of the nepotism debate recently. "People will finally know that our lives aren't glamorous 24/7. And, that we are not perfect!" says Khan, wife to Sohail Khan, brother to Bollywood's biggest superstar Salman Khan and daughter-in-law to veteran scriptwriter Salim Khan. Kothari argues that they may look perfect, but that doesn't mean, "they don't have their insecurities".

Whatever the protagonists may say, the audiences are going to watch for a glimpse of the perfection and glamour that defines, even if erroneously, Bollywood. What is going to come as a surprise though, is the candidness with which the show is presented. Khan confesses that she is obsessed with the Kardashians, while actor Samir Soni discusses Neelam's fear of facing audience judgment with a return to screen after years. And Pandey laughs about her love of "water bras". And they all have real jobs. Kothari and Kapoor are jewellery designers; Pandey runs a fashion brand called Love Gen; Khan is a fashion designer. But as Kapoor says, their kids come before career. Pandey adds, "We will be in super important meetings, but when your child calls, it means you have to put them before anything and everything."

The show, produced by Karan Johar, is full of real, and some hilarious moments. Some of it is over the top, yes, but all of it, entertaining.

When we get on a Zoom call with the four, they seem to be a bunch not too concerned about challenging any odd perceptions you may have. Pandey, who comes across as the most grounded, says, "Honestly, this show was not intended to challenge misconceptions. We are not trying to prove anything. We are behaving the way we would ordinarily—we are women who multitask, like every woman out there." Kapoor says they are an emotional bunch. They've known each other for 20-odd years, and that's what people will see. "That's close to 25 years of relationships and friendship. I am hoping women will connect with us."

Interestingly, the four weren't very keen to put themselves out there when the idea was presented to them. Kothari says different triggers set each of them off, and all of them lost their cool at some point while shooting. But it was the kids who got them to see its relevance in perspective. As Kapoor says, "It was very nerve-racking to put ourselves out there. But our kids made us see the light—life is short, who says no to Dharmatic [Johar's Dharma Productions] and Netflix! Tell your stories. And suddenly, we all said, 'why not, we must!'"

Kothari: That's the misconception in any field. You have to work hard to get where you are. You will never see success if you don't work hard.

Pandey: We are privileged, and we are blessed. But, there is everything else that comes with it. We experience the emotions you do—we are happy and sad. Ours is like any other family.

Kapoor: Very! Neelam was like 'hell, no!' Seema said yes, and Bhavna was thinking about it. Did we want people to judge us, and give so much access? No.

Pandey: I had been planning—okay, I will be controlled, and I will say this, and do that. But after a while, we went back to who we were. How long can you pretend?

Khan: I was fine till the shoot started. Then, when the cameras were in our house, we panicked a bit.

Kothari: I think what helped was that we had known each other for 25 years.

Kapoor: We are very possessive mothers. That will resonate for sure.

Pandey: We all multistask like everyone else, especially like everyone has during the pandemic!

Khan: Maheep is obviously Samantha, and Neelam is very much like Charlotte. I think Bhavana and I oscillate, and have a bit of both Miranda and Carrie in us.

Neelam Kothari, Bhavana Pandey, Maheep Kapoor and Seema Khan