Recently, BT reported about reality show alum Rahul Mahajan’s divorce from his third wife, Natalya Ilina. Back then, Rahul chose not to speak about the separation. However, the former pilot is now ready to talk.

“It is like a big earthquake took place in my life. The tremors are still somewhere there. There is a lot of trauma, but life goes on. You’ve no choice but to be strong,” Rahul says. We learnt that Natalya left Rahul last July, and the divorce came through in January this year. The 48-year-old has been quiet about what’s been going on in his life since then. “I may not show it, but I am very sensitive. Also, I’ve never discussed my personal life, from my father’s death till date,” he shares.

Rahul continues to choose not to talk about what went wrong between him and Natalya, which led to the divorce. “If I speak about it, it will be a one-sided story, and it will be biased,” he says. He adds that he has no hate for his ex-wife. “I still have love and respect for her. The love never dies. I’m not in touch with her and I don’t even know where she is. But love doesn’t go away just like that,” he shares.

Meanwhile, netizens were quick to speculate that the two parted ways because Rahul wanted a baby and Natalya - alimony. He’s quick to clarify, “I did not want baby ever in this relationship. We never tried. Only Dimpy and I tried having a baby and we had a miscarriage. Natalya and I did not have plans for a baby, and neither did I ever desire it. I am 48, I don’t want a baby now.”

About the alimony, he explains, “I’ve never paid a single rupee as an alimony in any of my divorces - Shweta (Singh), Dimpy (Ganguly) and Natalya. All my divorces have been by mutual agreement.”

Talking about his failed marriages, Rahul confesses that he never expected them to end this way. “I never grew up thinking that I would get divorced multiple times. No one wants relationships to end. It is painful. My soul has been torn. Sometimes relationships do not work and it is beyond your scope. People always look for faults. Sometimes, things happen and there are no reasons. It is not anyone’s fault. Sometimes s**t happens,” the former Bigg Boss contestant elaborates.

Rahul is currently taking therapy to deal with his current state of mind, “I have therapists who are helping me deal with my feelings. There’s too much stigma around seeking help through therapy in India, but I see no shame in doing that.”

Ask him if he is ready to fall in love again, and he quickly replies, "I'm emotionally unavailable at the moment. I have not healed properly. I recently started taking counselling. I have to fix and update my software first. I can meet someone, talk to someone, but pyaar main nahi kar sakta because mujhe darr ho gaya hai. I’m working on that fear with my therapist. I need to heal, I’m not fit."