On her first wedding anniversary, Lisa Rani Ray took off her ring and threw it at her husband. There was no catalyst for the outburst; it was a surge of inexplicable, white-hot fury.

“When I calmed down, I couldn’t explain, even to myself, where all this rage was coming from,” says Ray, who, at 37, was blindsided by the hormonal wreckage of a premature menopause that no one had prepared her for.

It is 9 am, and Ray is navigating the morning on the “flimsy glue of caffeine” following a gruelling 12-hour shoot. At 54, she possesses a lightness that suggests a woman finally comfortable in her own skin, yet her path to this point has been a series of startling departures.

She describes her formative years as “precocious and even pretentious,” a child who was reading Dostoyevsky and Camus before she hit double digits. While the public eventually became obsessed with her face, Ray always viewed herself as a writer in waiting. When her memoir Close to the Bone was released, it revealed a prose style as evocative as her screen presence—flavourful, textured, and strikingly intellectual. This is a woman who treats language with the same reverence she does her survival.

“I had always imagined that I would work as a writer,” she says of the 1991 trip to India where she was scouted for the world of fashion. “I still believe that I was born to be a writer. I just took a very long detour. Without a life that’s rich in experiences, what are you going to write about? You have to have your heart torn out of your chest to be able to really have the sensitivity to see the world through a different lens.”

That detour began with a “risqué” red swimsuit and a photograph by Chien Wein Lee. The image became a piece of urban folklore; blown up onto hoardings along Mumbai’s Marine Drive, it was famously blamed for causing traffic accidents as drivers swerved to catch a glimpse of the newcomer.

While the film industry’s power players scrambled to sign her, Ray was in Toronto, navigating what she calls her “first life in pieces.” In August 1991, her father swerved to avoid a car; the resulting crash left her mother a quadriplegic. Ray spent her initial weeks of stardom in an ICU, managing insurance forms in a daze of “liquid grief.”

“My entire life had been shattered into bits,” she recalls. “I realized early on that all these things we aspire for are completely hollow. I should have felt like on top of the world and I didn’t. I was confused, lost and even suicidal… and yet, it was the height of my fame. That taught me very early on to look for something more enduring.”

That search for substance led her to radical cinema. She chose projects like Deepa Mehta’s Oscar-nominated Water and The World Unseen, playing characters that lived on the fringes. She was the perennial outsider, a position she used to her advantage. “I didn’t really have a reputation because I was still the outsider. That meant I could slip in and slip out as I chose.”

In 2009, the narrative shifted with a diagnosis of multiple myeloma, a rare blood cancer. Ray chose to dismantle the wall of silence, documenting the toll in her blog, The Yellow Diaries. “Disease will do that sometimes, compel you to pull out these vulnerable pieces of yourself,” she says.

Survival, however, came with a hidden price. At 37, chemotherapy forced her into premature menopause. While the world had become comfortable discussing her cancer, this chapter was shrouded in taboo. “Unlike the cancer diagnosis, I received no support for this. I realized that like so many women, I was carrying the weight of confusion and shame alone.” It took a decade of insomnia and thinning hair before the “geek” in Ray took over.

She immersed herself in the science of hormonal health, eventually starting Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) and “project managing” her middle age with weightlifting and magnesium. Now, she is scaling that recovery into NuHer, a science-backed midlife clinic she co-founded to provide the medical roadmap she was denied.

“I refuse to believe that women should shrink and disappear once they hit menopause,” she says. “Instead, I think of it as a real opportunity to really step into their full power. These are their wisdom years.”

Life is now lived in Goa, where a shipping container’s worth of books—her most prized possession—serves as the anchor for her home. Her literary focus has moved from the complex structures of Salman Rushdie to a more “honest, pared down” style of writing—a shift that mirrors her own evolution. This autumn, she will finally fulfil her original ambition with the publication of her poetry collection.

She still finds resonance in Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast, specifically a line about an eccentric poet: “Monsieur Dunning est monte sur le toit et il refuse catégoriquement de descendre!” (Monsieur Dunning has gone up on the roof and he categorically refuses to come down!) “I’ve always loved this phrase,” she laughs. Of course, she does. After all, it captures a sense of defiant, perhaps eccentric, withdrawal from the world—a literal and figurative “checking out” that Ray clearly finds both amusing and relatable.

“Whenever I need a break from life, I send this phrase as a message to my friends.” Monsieur Dunning might stay on the roof, and Lisa Ray may still send out that text every now and again, but she isn’t hiding anymore – she has simply decided that from now on, the view will be entirely her own.

You're an avid traveller and a self-confessed nomad. What are the best lessons you learned while exploring the world?
You know, I was a very studious child though my life took a very different turn. But I don't regret not completing my formal education simply because the lessons I have learned in the course of travelling have been far more enriching. They taught me independence, gave me great life skills, and most importantly, they instilled tolerance in me.I travel to challenge myself.

How does it feel to get married and settle down in one place after living a globetrotting life for so long?
I still haven't settled down! Interestingly, for the next foreseeable future, I am shifting back to Mumbai, and will be commuting between India and Hong Kong ­ that's where my husband (Jason Dehni) is going to be. And we are going to continue our travels. I have realised one thing: marriage has not slowed me down. The way I see it, I know I am in the right relationship, because I don't feel chained or tied down. I feel like I have wings and I can fly. Jason is so supportive because he has come to understand that travel is in my blood and he knows how important India is to me. He has accepted that I will be staying in another country and we will have to make it work. It's actually an ideal life for me. I have come to understand that marriage is what you make of it. You have to have the courage to make individual choices, even if you are in a relationship. Once you are married, you shouldn't have to give up on your passions; else it will be dangerous. Marriage should give you the courage to do what you want.

You have said that cancer is your biggest blessing and the catalyst that changed your life...
Let me be clear ­ cancer is a blessing I don't wish on anyone. Everyone comes to a point in life when they have to evolve. They need to make choices and follow certain paths. No matter who you are, what your social or financial background is, you are inevitably going to face a crisis in life. It could be a serious health issue, a financial struggle or emotional trauma. The trick is to see this crisis as an opportunity for growth, as opposed to an obstacle. As humans, we tend to become very complacent about life. There are certain changes we need to make in our life, which don't happen unless we get a rude shock. That's how I shaped my cancer journey. Earlier, I was so self-absorbed and caught up in myself. I wouldn't listen to anyone. Cancer helped me make positive changes, physically, mentally, as well as spiritually. Hence, I call it a blessing. I am actually thriving on my cancer. I met my husband after getting diagnosed, I rediscovered my passion for writing during cancer and now I am going to start acting again.

Despite not being in the best of shape, you went public with your battle against the illness on the red carpet. What gave you the confidence?
I find it weird when people tell me I was so brave and confident. When you have nothing to lose, you understand what's important, gain perspective and find freedom. I was dealing with a life-threatening disease, what did it matter that I was 40 pounds heavier? Ironically, it gave me a kind of freedom, especially since I belong to the entertainment business.Women, in general, are always scrutinised or criticised for their looks. We always feel like we aren't good enough. We constantly compare ourselves with others ­ it is the biggest social disease of modern society. We need to start being gentle and loving towards ourselves. Once I was diagnosed and it really sunk in that I might die, my looks didn't matter. I just wanted to enjoy every moment. But it's not easy. I am still living with this condition and undergoing treatment. My body has changed permanently and I am never going to get my old body back. Sometimes, I struggle with that. But I need to look at the bigger picture. I am very proud of all the scars I carry. They've made me who I am.

The physical fallout of a serious illness can affect the confidence of a woman. How do you suggest one can deal with it?
Set your own standards and benchmarks. Aim to grow as a complete individual. Society is always going to throw things at you, which you may or may not agree with. But women need to have courage to stand up to these and say, 'That doesn't work for me'. Having said that, I won't dispute the fact that you are going to have extremely low days. You will lose your hair, feel bloated and your body will go through a lot of changes. During these times, don't push your emotions aside, that would be very unhealthy. You should grieve and then move on. You must understand that you are human, and this state isn't permanent. Common kindness, inner strength and resilience are what people value in the end.

DE-STRESSING
Apart from doing yoga and meditation, I chill with friends. I avoid stressful people and situations!

FASHION FUNDAS
I love dressing up and I am happy about what is happening on the ramps in India. I think we are starting to realise our potential as a fashion-forward country. I dress up according to my mood. I like mixing the tradition of India with the comfort of the west.

DIET DIARY
Apart from green smoothies and juices, I eat vegetarian food on most days. I have cut out my entire diary intake. Health experts have told me that you can actually reverse the effects of your illness simply through nutrition. Stay away from processed food.

BEAUTY ROUTINE
I could get away with a lot in my 20s, not now. Moisturising is important. I keep myself hydrated with water and green juices. I go for regular facials and massages as I believe body work is really important. Since I travel a lot, I try to keep it simple. I use only non-toxic, organic creams and serums, post cancer.