Counting days to her due date, Kalki Koechlin talks motherhood, marriage and everything in between
Sonil Dedhia (MID-DAY; November 17, 2019)

"I am constantly craving grape wine," smiles Kalki Koechlin, who is in her final trimester. Only months ago, the actor announced that she is expecting her first child with Israeli pianist partner Guy Hershberg. Since then, it appears pregnancy has become her—when she is not flaunting her baby bump at red carpet events, Koechlin is learning to play nursery rhymes on the ukulele.

"This was an unexpected pregnancy. In the first two months, I didn't feel any maternal instinct. It felt like an alien invasion, where this little thing was acting like a vampire, sucking out everything from my body," Koechlin laughs, adding that her maternal instinct soon kicked in. "When I heard the heartbeat for the first time, I got excited. The first trimester was bad, but I am through that phase and looking forward to the due date in January."

The actor says Hershberg has been an equal partner, taking his daddy lessons seriously. "He has been so patient throughout this pregnancy. There were days where I would snap at the drop of a hat, but he was calm. He has been present for all the gynaecologist appointments and the classes where they teach you breathing techniques for labour."

It is not surprising to her that people around have been wondering if the couple plans to walk the aisle soon. However, she asserts that marriage, if it happens, will be for the right reasons. "We are not averse to marriage, but we don't want to rush into it just because I am pregnant. If it is necessary for the documentation, bureaucracy and school registrations of our child, we will consider it. But when it comes to our romantic commitments, we have enough validation from each other, and our families, too." For now, the actor is focusing on the second season of BBC's My Indian Life. "The first season concentrated on North India, but this time, we have covered from Nagaland to Kashmir and have tackled subjects of environmentalism and relationships."

Kalki Koechlin who’s expecting a baby in December opens up about a water birth in Goa, her partner Guy Hershberg and their parenting plans
Hiren Kotwani (MUMBAI MIRROR; October 1, 2019)

Only a few weeks ago, Kalki Koechlin made her relationship with Israeli pianist and music teacher, Guy Hershberg, ‘official’ on the social media. More recently, she confirmed that the two, who have been seeing each other for over two years, are having a child together. Almost in the third trimester, the actress gets chatty about new beginnings…

It’s said that for every woman, there comes a time in her life when she wants a baby…
I don’t think this is true. Some women don’t want children, and that’s fine. I myself didn’t think I wanted them and had even thought of tying my tubes in my 20s. But the combination of seeing my little brother being born and growing up, as well as a more settled feeling of creating a home for myself, made me excited about having a child.

It’s also about finding the right person and being the right age…
Yes, I am with someone who makes me feel calm and stable. But I don’t think age is as much a factor today with many people having kids later in life.

What was the first thought when you learnt that you were pregnant?
I called for another pregnancy test, I just couldn’t believe it. It was so unplanned!

Was Guy Hershberg around when you learnt the news?
Oh yes, and he was jumping with joy.

Tell us about Guy who’s an Israeli pianist. Where did you meet?
I’d rather keep some things personal.

Okay, when did you know that he is the one?
It’s a process of gradual trust. Ironically, the distance helped us communicate a lot more since we don’t have the luxury of seeing each other every day. He has spent his life teaching children piano so, he’s going to be the disciplinarian, the more experienced parent I feel.

Who were the first people you broke the news to?
My family, a few close friends, my make-up artiste and my manager. They were overjoyed and overwhelmed. It seems like everyone was waiting for me to have a baby.

Have you decided on a name?
Yes, I have chosen the name, if it’s a girl. And Guy has chosen a name in case it’s a boy. No, don’t ask what it is. I cannot reveal the name yet.

You’ve said you want to have the baby in Goa and plan to travel between Mumbai and Goa as often as you can… How are you prepping up for D-day?
I’m meeting my mid-wife regularly and getting the right exercise. Preparing for the birth is important for me. So yes, there will be trips back and forth.

Lots of shopping trips too?
I have all my own baby clothes and my sister’s too so, I don’t need to worry about that for at least a year. I’d like to go organic and sustainable with baby products, such as reusable diapers and chemical free skincare. I’m learning nursery rhymes and songs on my ukulele from different parts of the world—Indian and Portuguese to African and French—so I can sing them to my child.

How does motherhood feel? New stirrings of life… Morning sickness… Baby kicking post-midnight…
God, the first three months were terrible! I have developed so much respect for all the mothers out there who work or have to go through all this without emotional support. The second trimester is fun. I have energy to work-out and I am cheerful at work. The kicks are amazing. Feels like there’s a little footballer in there!

The last time an actress had a child out of wedlock was Sarika. She was living in with Kamal Haasan when she had Shruti in 1986 and they tied the knot only two years later…
What is this term ‘out of wedlock’? It belongs in a Shakespearean drama and not in a millennial world. Marriage can be useful for bureaucracy, but it is not a sign of love. Only time and consistency tell of a strong relationship.

You and Guy have been in a relationship for more than a couple of years now. With the baby due in December, is a wedding on the cards?
We have considered it for the purpose of parental rights and the nationality issue. But we don’t want to rush it because of societal pressures. We will see when the time feels right. It will be a registration and a quiet family gathering.

Today, fathers are equally involved with the birth process. Will Guy be around?
He has been helping me with breathing techniques and will be present at the birth. We are yet to plan how we will divide time after that, but we are all for sharing domestic and professional timings equally.

Even after you and Anurag Kashyap divorced, you’ve shared a cordial equation. He’s a father of a daughter himself so any parenting advice from him?
He’s just welcomed me to the parents’ club and told me to call if I need anything. Seeing Aaliyah (Anurag’s daughter) growing up and my own brother Oriel too, I’ve already got a glimpse into this role of a lifetime.

In recent times, a lot of actors have become parents… Arjun Rampal and Gabriella Demetriades, Lisa Ray and Jason Dehni, Lisa Haydon and Dino Lalwani, Amy Jackson and George Panayiotou. Have you shared your journey into parenthood with any of them?
No, I do know some new parents from the theatre world, but not any celebs.

From your family and friends, whom do you look to for guidance as you enter this new phase of life?
My sister in Paris. She’s my age and has a young daughter and a baby boy. There’s also my mother. I’m the first among my friends to have a baby, so they will be looking on curiously.

Will your parents and his be around when the baby arrives?
Of course, I look forward to them being around. Thankfully, the advice hasn’t got too much just yet, but I suppose everyone will have differing opinions and we will have to navigate through them. We will see what information is good and what is simply unquestioned tradition.

What are your earliest memories of your childhood?
Memories of the sea… I grew up on a beach hut in South India. I want my child to be exposed to nature and animals, not just the concrete jungle and screens. Also, different languages and religions, people and food.

Is there something you wanted as a child, but couldn’t get which you will make sure you give it to your child?
Maybe peace in the household? My parents have been shouting and fighting for as long as I can remember.

You’ve always been a feisty and independent woman. What do you want your child to imbibe from Guy and you?
His ability to face difficulties with calm and my ability to laugh at myself.

Will you be cutting down on work and be a more pro-active mother?
Immediately after birth I will take some months off from work to breastfeed the baby and for recovery. But I also aim to gradually get back to work. I’m lucky to have a partner who is supportive of my career.

Since you want to have a water birth in Goa, do you also have any plans of bringing up the child there instead of in a metro like Mumbai?
I cannot plan that far and wouldn’t want to. As and when the next challenge comes up, I will accept it with an open mind. The water birth is said to be a great way both for mother and child to experience less trauma.

It’s too early to speak of motherhood, but I can say that pregnancy wakes you up. It heightens your awareness physically through your sense of smell, taste, breath and body awareness. Mentally, it guides you to not retaliate but respond in stressful situations. It is an emotional state of daily discovery and excitement which outweighs the ups and downs of mood swings. Let’s see what the third trimester brings.