They say, when the realisation dawns that your life could be taken away from you is when your perspective on life - its real meaning, purpose, the definition of true happiness - changes. Manisha Koirala would know. One of the most sought-after Bollywood heroines of the 90s, she has seen it all - fame, success, adulation and stardom. But a battle with cancer changed it all. Today, the Nepalese beauty is a transformed person, who values the little joys of life that we all tend to take for granted in our pursuit of a greater, elusive and delusive happiness. In an exclusive chat with Bombay Times, the actress talks about her second innings on the silver screen, the cinema of today and how a close encounter with death can be a life-changing experience. Excerpts...

What was your first response when you were offered Nargis Dutt's role in the Sanjay Dutt biopic?
I was thrilled. I adore Raj's (Rajkumar Hirani, director) work. There's a positive twang to every situation in his films. I'd seen the rushes even before I joined the cast. I must say, Ranbir (Kapoor) has done a fantastic job as Sanjay. To top it all, I was offered Nargis' role. I wish the entire film was based on her (laughs), but it's based on one of my favourite co-stars, so it's okay. It's a huge responsibility to play Nargis because people remember her vividly.

Any apprehension about playing a mom on screen?
I am apprehensive about all the work coming my way. In your 40s, you are too old to play the hero's love interest and too young to play the typical celluloid mother. As an artiste, I am looking for roles that allow me to act, but without the tag of mummyji and didiji. I wouldn't have taken up Raj's film if it had been a typical mummy role.

How did you prepare for the part?
We did look tests and I watched her movies and videos. Also, I rehearsed my scenes thoroughly. I've known about Nargisji as my colleague's mother and a legendary figure. She was a natural beauty, who seldom wore make-up and was effortlessly elegant. I relate to that aspect of her personality.

Let's rewind a bit. You quit movies when you were at the top...
I had some personal issues and then, I was diagnosed with cancer. There were bigger battles to be fought. Also, I was overworked. I once told Dimple Kapadia, 'I'm fed up of this routine of waking up, going to the shoots and coming home drained out after long hours'. She replied, 'Enjoy this while it lasts because it will not last forever.' You don't know when things will change. That's the truth of life.

Would you dole out Dimple's advice to younger actresses?
Not really. I respect what Dimple told me, but I would tell the girls, 'Do it for as long as you enjoy it. Don't do it because you have to do it. Grab the work if it makes you happy. If it doesn't pull you in, look around, there could be something more engaging.'

Where did you find support during your low phase?
During your low phase, people hardly come forth. And it's not because they are mean or selfish. Sometimes, people are genuinely scared to see you in a dreadful condition. I was hurt when I didn't find too many people around me, but I also realised that they would have felt very bad if they had seen me battling the disease. My family and friends like Jackie Shroff and Gulshan Grover stood by me. I was in the USA then; had I been in Mumbai, maybe more people would have been around me. I also had many cancer survivors write to me, which filled me with hope.

Post recovery, it took you long to make a comeback...
I wasn't happy with the work that was coming my way. I have decided to take up roles only if I am fully convinced. Fortunately, I don't have to work to sustain myself. So, quality of work matters more today than it ever did.

As one of the boldest heroines of the 1990s, how do you think cinema has evolved in recent years?
I don't think I was bold. I haven't gone beyond kissing on screen. Yes, I have been a bold person all along. I have been honest about my relationships, I smoked and drank openly... I've been frank about things that most people are shy and quiet about. I am a rebel by birth, I was never the timid, compromise-to-get-work type of girl. Yes, I was cornered and conned into doing Ek Chotisi Love Story. As for the cinema today, it's in one of its best phases with great storytellers and fantastic actors who are extremely professional and technically sound.

The audience is also open to all kinds of stories. Cinema is a much stronger part of our culture now. Do you feel it's a good time to be a leading lady today?
Yes, it is. I am sorry to say, but the 80s and 90s were mediocre times for Hindi cinema. We were too dramatic and loud. The line between art-house and commercial cinema has blurred now. Today, it's more real. In a lot of ways, the quality is as good as what we see in the West. As for my favourite performers, Alia Bhatt and Kangana Ranaut are brilliant. I watched Queen and thought to myself, 'I could never have done this so well.' Vidya Balan is also wonderful. They're all way better than me.

Looking back, do you feel that you took your life for granted?
Yes, I did and because of that, my health and career went for a toss. I paid the price for it. Now, I deliver talks about whatever I learnt from the dizzy heights of success and the pits of loneliness and professional downs.

How important is it for you to find a companion now?
It's not important at all. Look at my house; look at the beauty of nature that I enjoy and the kind of life I lead. I don't feel the need for a companion anymore.

Has battling cancer made you stronger and more worldly wise?
Sunsets and sunrises, birds, hills, sea, the sound of water hitting against the rocks...I find great joy in these small things. My life before cancer was about projected happiness. Today, I have a luxury car and my closet is full of brands, but I don't need them to make me happy. In our bid to find happiness, we forget to value what the nature gives us for free. I didn't care for my body, my work or my friends till I was face-to-face with cancer. Today, I focus on living my life well. I don't know when death will knock on my door again. So, I don't want to feel that I am wasting my days. I want to close my eyes with the feeling that I have lived my life to the fullest.

Aditya Seal has come a long way from the teenager played Manisha Koirala's who admirer in Ek Chhotisi Love Story. The 28-year-old guy sitting before us bears only a faint resemblance to the cute boy in the 2002 film. Emotionally too, he has wisened up. Aditya admits that like his character in Tum Bin 2, he has also seen it all - failure, heartbreak and the agony of unexpressed love. As the actor gears up for another innings in Bollywood, BT catches up with him for a candid chat. Excerpts...

Why did you choose acting instead of joining your family business?
I hoped to be a cricketer, but an injury killed my dreams. My father has produced and acted in a Garhwali film, so in a way, he opened the doors of this profession for me. He tried to induct me into our family business, but it didn't interest me.

You joined the business?
Yes, but I was unproductive. I'd just watch videos on my laptop, chat with my uncles and leave. I wanted to be in a profession that gave me an adrenaline rush. Also, my father never forced me to join the business. He wanted me to pursue whatever made me happy. My mother was a bit insecure then, but is supportive now.

People recall you as Manisha Koirala's teenaged admirer from Ek Chhotisi Love Story (2002)...
The film was ahead of its time, but people do recall it. I once met Anil Kapoor, and shyly told him that I'm a huge fan. Since he has worked with Manishaji, I thought I should tell him that I have also done a film with her. When I told him about Ek Chhotisi Love Story, he said, “You're that guy!", in his usual excited tone.

Was it tough for you in school after that film?
People in school did talk about the film, but it didn't affect me. I was just a kid, I didn't know anything. It's only after going to college that I realised what had happened.

Didn't your parents object to Ek Chotisi Love Story?
My family did not get the time to make enquiries about the film. I auditioned for the role, and 24 hours later, I was informed that I had been selected. I was asked to report to the set the next day itself. I had no clue about what was being shot, but I was never exposed to anything that wasn't suitable for my age. In fact, I was kept away when the bold scenes were shot. I've not met Manishaji after that, but I felt sad when I heard about her battle against cancer.

Did you try connecting with her?
I did, but failed. Manishaji and I had only six scenes together. I remember, there was a scene where my character slits his wrist and she comes to see him. Since there was time for her to come on the set, I went off to sleep on the bed where we were supposed to shoot the scene.When I opened my eyes, I saw her sitting in front of me, with a pigtail and no make-up. I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my life.

After that, you returned as the second lead in Purani Jeans (2014) and now, Tum Bin 2...
Purani Jeans didn't click, and so, I didn't expect to get selected for Tum Bin 2. Why would anyone bet their money on me when my films haven't worked? I gave three rounds of auditions for Tum Bin 2, and botched up the last round because I went over-prepared. Then one day, Anubhav (Sinha, director) sir called me and said that I might land the role. Later, he took me to Bhushan Kumar's office, and we inked the deal there. I took the contract and headed to Shirdi with my family to thank God.

How did you deal with failure so early on in your career?
Though Purani Jeans didn't do well, I was praised for my work and I expected good offers to come my way. But when that didn't happen, it pulled me down for a while. There were times when I needed friends to cheer me up. My mother suggested that I join the family business, but that didn't help. On some days, I would just sit in my room, watch movies and ponder about what had gone wrong. Eventually, I spoke to my well wishers and we decided to start from scratch. The plan was to look for the kind of roles played by Aditya Roy Kapur - pivotal characters, though not the lead. I was deeply hurt when I couldn't even find those. I stopped moving around for a bit, but then channeled my energies into training for taekwondo and B-Boying. And then, Tum Bin 2 came my way.

Most romantic films these days have intimate scenes, but the promo of Tum Bin 2 looks like an exception...
It's an emotional film about the kind of love that is felt, but never expressed. There are many heavy moments in the film, many dilemmas that our characters face. But we've not shot some thing that is remotely suggestive, because in stories like these, emotions do what physical proximity doesn't. We couldn't let anything go over board, not even something like touching my co star Neha Sharma's cheeks.

Isn't repeating the success of Tum Bin a tall order?
Yes, it's a huge benchmark. The names of the actors, the songs and scenes of that film are often quoted to us. I was really small when Tum Bin released, but when I saw it after signing this film, I realised why people still remember it. It's a bit unnerving, but I hope we're at least a patch over the old film.

Did you tap into your own experiences while emoting on screen?
I didn't, but like my character, I have also felt strongly for a girl and I know she too had feelings for me. However, neither of us said anything. This was about 10 years ago. So, I know how it feels to love someone and not say it. The first time I touched her was when she hugged me at her birthday party. I felt weak in the knees. I've never felt that way about anyone. Can you believe it, I still remember her phone number by heart.

You're such a hopeless romantic!
I haven't kept in touch with her. It's an incomplete story and I want it to stay that way. Several girls came into my life after her, but that spark was missing. I don't know if she and I will feel the same way if we meet again. I treasure that old feeling and so, that story is best left incomplete.

How do you react when girls hit on you?
I feel shy. When they pay me a compliment, I run away, though ideally, I should be complimenting them in return. I'm not good with that.

What are your plans after Tum Bin 2?
I'm figuring out. Right now, Tum Bin 2 is the focus.